For the Bo Liao

Youtube Videos I didn't bother to close

2011-12-24T14:45:00.004+08:00

Kira's laugh in various languages
Kira's scream in 15 languages
Phoenix Wright Opening
Phoenix Wright & Maya Fey: A Fan Made Tribute
PW: Dragon Ball Ending Song
Gyakuten Meets Orchestra 2008
Taekwondo "Finger" Performance
Trampoline Trampoline (Crazy Winds)

Someone's EL Build

Hard to read article

2011-12-07T10:13:00.003+08:00

Olympus Report Demands Purge of ‘Yes Men’

Don't know what more than 50% of the article is talking about!

The Yes Men
o_o Interesting.

Who to love

2011-12-05T13:07:00.006+08:00

Copying and pasting something someone wrote/pasted on somewhere.

有一个人任何时候都不会背弃你，
这个人就是你自己。
我们只有一个自己，
学会爱自己，宠自己，多点阳光灿烂，少点烟雨凄迷。
即使有一天，相爱的人飘然远去，
不要枉然去追寻那留不住的脚步，
好好的走剩下的路，学会自己独立。
我们都不是很完美的人，
但我们要接受不完美的自己。
一辈子不长，对自己好点。

不要放大别人的幸福，
不要缩小自己的快乐

You probably won't get it, but I shall just say this text has somehow incurred a storm of paranoia and conspiracy theories!

2011-12-03T11:47:00.004+08:00

I know I posted this before...but anyway!

Nick!

I kinda like Nick because I think he's rather transparent to read, and also mostly because of the way he interacts with other characters.

I believe part of his character and character-relationship analysis is misleading or incomplete...such as:
- His disrespect for Ellis
- His jealousy when Francis takes a liking to Rochelle
- His mutual dislike for Zoey

This is what I think is his relationship with other survivors!

Coach
Both dislike the way each other conducts themselves, but Coach is predisposed to include everyone as part of the team. Nick is aware of his commitment to the group, thus he does have respect for Coach. Two things he just doesn't like: his "cheerleader behavior", since he's more comfortable in his own cynicism and "reality" (which is often coined as pessimism) - cheerleading can often feel phony to him, though, at the most crucial of times, it actually ends up encouraging him; Coach's all-inclusive attitude diminishes the autonomy and personal space he needs. Thus, his antagonistic approach to Coach is also a means to put some distance. (Though, his jab at Coach is mostly to get a kick out of Coach, and partly to test how comfortable he can get with him.)

Likely to be: ISFJ

Ellis
His relationship with Ellis is my favourite! Anyway, although he makes fun of Ellis and says a lot of mean things to him, it's because Ellis makes him feel comfortable, since Ellis is the most unfazed by his cynicism. Nick is able to discern different types of sarcasm quite well, and Ellis' occasional harmless sarcasm to him tears down Nick's guarded disposition. (Sarcasm is his way of communicating, bonding and testing who are the ones that he can feel comfortable with. So when 'casual' sarcasm is returned, he sees it as reciprocation.) When Ellis becomes awkward around Zoey, I think Nick finds it awkward, maybe even funny, and ends up making tasteless jokes about it. With Ellis, he doesn't know when he's crossing the line because he's too comfortable. (The only times that I believe leaves him feeling weird about Ellis is when Ellis says nice things to him.)

Likely to be: ENFP

Rochelle
The two key things that let Nick get along with her is that she seems to get him and she too uses has a dry sense of humor that they both get. I think he quite quickly picks up Rochelle's "basic respect for all" and "appropriate distance keeping from all" attitude, so he doesn't have to worry about her intruding his space. He also knows that she thinks he's harmless (which is similar to how Ellis views Nick), and that lets him keep his guard down.

Likely to be: INFJ

Since he has become comfortable with this particular group, the way the group dynamics appear to be changing when they meet the other four survivors threatens his sense of security, which I believe is a reason he acted a little bit out of line. (As a man who's been living on the edge with a basic distrust for everyone and everything, he puts a lot of weight on the trust he develops in each person. Anything that rocks that can pull some nasty things out of him.)

Francis
He has a chronic distrust for Francis. (According to the wikia link, Francis lied about being a cop?) He probably senses an element of chaos or inconsistency within the man. His previous teammates are fairly open people so he finds it fairly easy to trust them, but he finds it difficult to trust Francis. Seeing that he's getting along fine with and maybe even getting in Rochelle's good books, he finds him a threat, but doesn't know how to deal with it and doesn't want to interfere. I think his rude remarks was a means to 'protect' Rochelle from him, though he probably knows he can't interfere with others getting along. It can be summed up as "jealousy", but it seems to me he has a fear of having Rochelle neglect him (since she's one of the only ones he can feel comfortable with). At the end of it, Francis proves his distrust wrong at a crucial moment, and I think it subtly shows that he withdraws his judgment in the end. I think he's aware that both him and Francis don't hate each other, after all - it's nothing personal.

Likely to be: ESTP

Zoey
I don't know why he was patronizing to Zoey. (It's definitely not because she's female.) It seems to me he was only testing her, and wasn't expecting so much hostility from her. I think he was trying to see if she could take sarcasm, and trying to get her to lighten up - though the choice of humor could use some work. (It's established though, that he's not very good with people.) If I were to make a guess, I'd say he made some inaccurate assumptions about her - he's probably right in her assessment that she's someone reliable, can be trusted (something like Rochelle) and quite impersonal, but made a poor assessment about her sense of boundary. (NOTE: Now that I just read Zoey's page, it seems she probably wouldn't have reacted as negatively if she weren't dealing with a certain person's death.) I think Nick is very aware that he messed up - his attitude towards her is rather moderated afterward. At the end, though, I don't think Zoey really dislikes him, and I think she knows he wasn't trying to be mean, but she's a little more serious and doesn't know how to deal with him (since she doesn't know what's going through that head of his). I do think Nick has quite a bit of respect for her.

Likely to be: ISTJ

Louis
From the onset, I think Nick knew that he and Louis would mutually not understand each other. He probably senses that Louis is like Coach in his "team first" attitude, and maybe even expects that Louis would dislike him. But I think he doesn't have anything against Louis at all - in fact, he appreciates his capabilities. He's unfazed by Louis expressed dislike for him.

Likely to be: ENTP

At the end though, I think Nick got a better understanding of the L4D team and I think his apology at the end for his behavior is proof of the amount of introspection and reflection he did throughout.

Puns

2011-11-30T17:40:00.003+08:00

Do you think puns are funny?

Hmmmmmm.

Don't know where to post it

2011-11-22T10:49:00.003+08:00

Reform of Thoughts

2011-11-01T10:06:00.003+08:00

Recently, I've had a lot of downtime. Not as in having spare time, but being down and being unproductive. And it is a lot - about five months.

If I were to trace back what happened, TBH, I can't, and don't know where it started. Perhaps it was an accumulation of a lot of thoughts. It is quite disturbing how the subconscious, or the unconscious, mind can work against you in the long run without your realization, and the next thing you know, you're suddenly plagued by a nagging sense of self doubt, an unstoppable stream of paranoid thoughts and, who knows what else there is in this dark cloud worth of headache inducing obsessions. I do wonder if it's genetic, since I can observe some patterns among some relatives, or maybe the problem is more common in society than I thought.

I've definitely been at this stage before, some time in my life a few years ago, and it's so scarily familiar that I really don't want things to repeat themselves again. And now the trouble is remembering how I tackled with it at that point in time. It's almost an automatic ritual, everyday, to ruminate and think about what could have been instead of what can be.

Now, there are tons of things I need to do to fix this life of mine, and I really don't know how long I can sustain before I fall back into this chain of self destructive pattern that, really, isn't doing much but to incur imaginary external judgments and above all, harsh and critical self judgment. It's odd that I keep sabotaging myself, know it's happening intellectually, but can't work my way out of this.

I can't say it was particularly comfortable reading about esteem articles and knowing now that I don't understand the steps needed to be taken to improve on esteem, and thus have never really worked on it. What doesn't help is that I have viewed myself as a rusty machine about to expire soon (how soon is soon?) for a long time now.

The astounding amount of things I need to fix is getting longer and longer, and now, I need to start, from finishing my work, sorting my room, to my harddisk, to my lifestyle and finally to the many open-ended thoughts drifting about. It's a daunting task.

And right now, I desperately need to remember that the one who can change my life is me, and me alone, a thought that sometimes disturbs me, but at other times, brings a lot of comfort.

Non-LOL Watches

2011-10-28T23:19:00.004+08:00

Hunting around for interesting videos to watch :3

Extended Video

Death Note: I'll take a potato chip...

2011-10-28T23:16:00.003+08:00

Hahaha watch how the potato chip joke evolves!

It started with this...

Read the comments

Read the comments

Read the comments

The last video isn't really interesting, but the comments are far, far more interesting... :D

Read the comments

The LOL Videos

2011-10-28T23:02:00.004+08:00

I don't wanna lose the links so Imma flood this entire post with LOL toons.

A preview of the nature of ALL videos following:

Dragon Nest Builds

2011-10-22T17:23:00.011+08:00

Since I can never remember >.>|||

My Paladin Build (32)
My Paladin Build (40)
My Paladin Build (50)
My Paladin Build (50) [Initially]

My Sword Master Build (32)
My Sword Master Build (40)
My Sword Master Build (50)

I have a suspicion that any DN veterans who see my builds might feel an irresistible urge to just destroy me for my greed and strange priorities. Hahaha. Oh well, who cares.

Money Making Guide
Money Making Tips

Buncho Links

2011-10-14T21:15:00.002+08:00

Yep, as usual, collecting links that I would probably never revisit.

Kids react to Hatsune Miki
Naruto Shippuden... LIVE ACTION!?

Mocking Yaoi fanfiction

Don't know why a friend pasted this link

Confusing ways of speaking - Confusing the universe

Basic Instructions

Gay Stereotypes + Rambling

2011-10-14T09:59:00.005+08:00

LGBT Stereotypes
Gay Stereotypes

Good read. Reality often doesn't match the myths and images people like to pass around for convenience.

That said, here's a declaration: I prefer bara to generic yaoi.
(Just because the guys are more masculine. :P)

And some rambling about my viewpoints, yet again.

Quite a few years ago, I was introduced to hentai/yuri/yaoi manga. I have never really denied or confirmed my interest in it, mainly because I don't know what the hell people are assuming, thinking or attaching to me when I finally make a statement. When I make a statement, two developments unfold:

If I deny
- "Really meh?"
- "Don't bluff! I've seen traces of such interest all over your blog!"

Well, so what's the point in denying? Which leads me to the next point...

If I confirm
- "I knew it!" (so, you're asking for what?)
- "You're sick..." (...I don't know why I'm considered sick for this when there are sex shops in the open, condoms for sale, and the highlighted feature of said material is something people go through for procreation...and no I'm not being microscopic when I don't mention that the material is supposed to appeal to fantasies but well, perception is in the mind)
- "You like yaoi too?" (no, please don't say 'too', because I'm not crazy about females in male bodies and I can bet you that the jokes I use to thrash yaoi is going to ruin your experience with yaoi, that I can promise you)
- "Didn't know you were such a person..." (what does "such" a person mean?)
- "So you're a yaoi fan girl?" (please let me know what your impression exactly is, because I don't want people feeding me pointless yaoi titles)
- etc etc

So what exactly is my stand...

Considering I put an entire page dedicated to my viewpoint of XXX, obviously I'm interested in it, right??? Just not in the sense that is properly understood. So don't really understand people who react like I just contracted some form of HIV.

A bit tired of people not taking me as is and attributing very strange things when I declare my interests. Now, I have a nagging suspicion that if I said I'm interested in bara, I'm going to have more accusers. ("You're sick!" "You're just trying to show how different your taste is, right?" "Wow, okay, who cares if you like bara?" etc etc)

Irritating.

Gangsters

2011-10-12T10:27:00.002+08:00

Must read material for me.

Gangsters Q&A

Very interesting.

(All I did was try to Google: "Why do gangsters like going to the school rooftop?" I guess they don't huh...no results came out.)

Batman Shy Gif

2011-10-11T19:35:00.002+08:00

Batman Shy Gif

:D

Weird Feeling

2011-10-10T18:23:00.003+08:00

There's a person I've always "seen through" since the start. But they (to retain the anonymity of the identity of this person) were putting in so much effort to pretend to be who they aren't, thinking that I won't be able to tell. They started to say a lot, to build an image, hoping that I would believe that image, but I've always had a sense that they know I don't buy all this bullshit. Which is why they're always over sensitive and over reactive to me.

I've never had the chance to prove that what I'm thinking was right all along, because after all, who am I to claim that I understand people?

Until someone else, and unknowing person, talked to me about them, and then I realized that I was right, from the start.

...I don't know why but there's this increasing sense of apathy every time I think about you and the increasing amount of nonsense that you do behind my back. I hope you wake up soon.

How to react to a crackpot theory

2011-10-10T11:34:00.005+08:00

How to react to a crackpot theory

LOL. Made my day.

I read this wondering how to react to people who make crackpot theories.

Then I realize I'm usually already reacting the way that bald guy does (except for...the last panel). OR, on rare occasions, I'm the bastard who's cracking the theories. Oh fuck.

This artist is now added to my idol list!

Social Studies

2011-10-07T17:02:00.004+08:00

...Yeah, I mean, I graduated a gazillion centuries ago, but I went around reading again~

GOOGLE SEARCH RESULTS
And because I'm so lazy
Contradiction and Control
O.O
WIKIPEDIA?
SOOO resourceful

And because I'm bored
Understanding? Or comprehension
Love this article about shyness

Dragon Nest Links

2011-10-02T12:29:00.003+08:00

Xian's Bow Master/Sniper Guide Ver. 1.3
Warrior (Sword Master) Builds Guide
Mystic (Force User) Build Guide
Sword Master
My favourite Paladin Guide

DNArmory Skill Calculator

Windwalker
Windwalker Part 2
Dark Lair Survival Guide

Money Making Tips

A little bit tired

2011-10-01T21:41:00.004+08:00

I cannot be myself anywhere.

Yet the irony is that, I'm usually myself anywhere I go. And this "myself" is the one that constantly gets misread as trying to be difficult, mean, antisocial etc. I don't bother to explain much, but when I do, it just ends up misread further.

Now I don't mind the translation process that happens every single moment while I'm talking to people. Communication is actually a complex thing - or maybe it is, only for the minority.

I mind it though, that it turns personal. That people imagine that I actually have something against them. That I have too much time and mental capacity in my hands that I must be harboring ill thoughts against them every single moment of my life, like I'm so damn free and evil.

Then stop taking up all my time and calling me a good listener. I'm sure you spent time to talk to me - I'd like to let you know, listening takes time, effort and skills too.

RPG Personality

2011-09-30T10:35:00.005+08:00

I don't know why but the questions are difficult, and the results are weird and retarded.

I want to be this!

Empty and Insecure Souls

2011-09-26T00:56:00.005+08:00

How do you fill empty souls? How do you deal with insecure souls?

It wears me out to know that I can never make sense to them, and I'm stuck doing things with them. And my boundaries are very strict.

The world would be so much more at peace if we would just mind our own businesses and at the same time learn to work with and cooperate with one another instead, and leave the petty self interests aside.

And the very same empty and insecure souls are the ones who think they give a damn lot. Irony.

What I grieve over

2011-09-23T18:24:00.002+08:00

I was grieving to a friend over the company printer that's probably going to die. I can sense it... The predecessors, two smaller versions of this printer, died due to violent treatment. This is basically...domestic abuse.

I...I don't understand. I don't understand why anyone would...would press the "Start" button five fucking times, with such...brute and vengeance...just to get it to copy files.

Can you imagine?

You were once big, strong, efficient, and a service provider spewing pages after pages.

Then these abominable monsters who call themselves the two-legged sentient beings come along.

With their hands and fingers that may and probably have been to questionable places, they start pressing you like they have something against you and your entire family tree.

They reload paper by pulling your guts out, and then slam your guts back into you.

Soon...you start showing signs of a terminal illness when you choke on your own papers and cough blood all over with ink spillage.

That's when they call the shaman (repairman) to do the sending for you. And when the repairman walks away with his head shaking--...

...the end.

And then my friend told me: "I feel like... This is your equivalent of sympathizing with a poor homeless kitten. Cept that.. It's a PRINTER"

...That's got to be discrimination there I swear.

Kawaii Emoticon

2011-09-17T12:02:00.001+08:00

I saw this on a gaming thread. I shall copy and paste this.

(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

2011-09-03T13:00:00.003+08:00

"People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown."
~Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

My new idol, along with Dilbert.

But Optimus still reigns supreme. >:D

Quotes
Because, you know, this isn't the first link on Google

And wtf is this? "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"

Transformer Favorite Character List

2011-08-29T13:16:00.000+08:00

"Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of...the Decepticons!"

My favorite characters of Transformers are as follows...and it's a long list. Just had to talk about the Transformers somewhere or I'm going to implode with enthusiasm for this bunch of machinery.

Autobots

Optimus Prime: I am a sucker for ANY episode with Optimus Prime. I like him because he's unpredictably both stupid and smart. When you think he's not listening, he makes a remark, and when you think he's listening, he doesn't respond and is really clueless. When you think he has a plan, he actually doesn't have one, and when you think he doesn't, he does! He is lazy as hell (compared to Megatron)... I like his occasional perceptiveness, his loyalty, his pacifist stance, his love for peace and his strong ethical code too. Despite all that, I think he doesn't deny darkness. I especially like the fact that he's unemotional and ready to accept all worst case scenarios, and that takes away the fluffy elements of love, peace and hope in most typical hero settings. He's oddly cynical too. Flexible, and not too hung up about formalities. His leadership prevents bureaucracy and autocracy. I find it cool that he doesn't go his way out at all to punish any Autobots who go against him and his orders, unless the Autobots in question are the only solutions to an existing problem. Even if he's not dependable or reliable all the time, he gives off that sense and that's more than enough. And finally, I think he's a do-all powerhouse. I'm still hung up at the idea that my friend fell asleep watching Transformers movies. How can you, when there's Optimus Prime???

Bumblebee: It's mostly because of the movies that I like Bumblebee, but wow, the Transformers G1 version is quite different... There's a Chinese dub version on the DVD I'm watching and it almost ruined my impression of Bumblebee. (No, I don't watch it in Chinese dub. That was out of curiosity.) He's an all right guy - honest, quite innocent, a little bit dumb, but overall well meaning and earnest. He makes some of the funniest remarks. The Kremzeek! episode jacked up his likability factor (IMO), when he thought that the irritating small minion was actually quite cute and couldn't bear to watch the poor thing get zapped into nothingness.

Ratchet: For one, I generally like medics. He appeared a lot more on Season 1, and I've forgotten most of what I watched in Season 1, so I also don't remember what I liked about him except that I like him. From what little I remember though, he is of a constructive, positive and pacifist nature too, and he's always ready and giving his best shot to repair fallen comrades. It's like some kind of cheat code that he can repair anything and everything... Now that I think about it, I like his devotion.

Wheeljack: He's probably one of the only characters who feel like they ever thought about things outside screen time. I think he's lucky that he happens to have Optimus as his leader, who approves of all the inventions (whether they work or not) he comes up with (as long as they match Optimus' purposes...). He has a proactive attitude. Very much like Ratchet I guess, but a lot more enthusiastic than the toned down medic.

Skyfire: He's so naive, innocent and straightforward it's funny. He is incorruptible. Oh man... He's a pacifist too, and one of the most reliable (and forgotten) fighters. The trend of my preferences is starting to show...

Warpath: I used to really dislike noisy characters, but I don't know why I stopped disliking them for that at some point. He has a very funny speech pattern, sounds like a jovial character with not much worries and he just abides by "go-get-them!" at everything.

Mirage: One of the few background but useful (invisibility mode!) and smarter characters. He doesn't have an outstanding personality and I think his work only shows when he's doing solo. Ahhh not enough screen time for this guy.

Tracks: When he first complained about his car wax, I thought he sounded quite dry for a character. But now he's one of the few with a funny speech pattern, colorful word choices and a multidimensional personality. He also doesn't ooze with so much sense of justice as the rest of the Autobots. He considers himself sophisticated, is sometimes unconcerned with political correctness and takes pride in being a city-dwelling-Autobot. It's interesting to me that he gives off a disagreeing disposition, but is generally quite laid back.

Perceptor: He's a combination of Ratchet, Wheeljack and Skyfire. His intelligence can be mistaken as arrogance. He has Skyfire's incorruptibility, Wheeljack's enthusiasm and Ratchet's toned down disposition. In Child's Play episode, his tendency to ramble about the principles of his creations or ideas is highlighted whenever he does that and Optimus cuts in and says, "Just do it!"

Silverbolt: He's one of the Aerialbots, but I thought he was interesting to mention. He's a mixed bag of confusions: Wise, fearful, lacks confidence, struggles, positive but negative, and somewhat emotionally complex. His best quote so far: "So long, cruel world!"

Oh wow, that's a lot of Autobots... I think I missed some characters. The rest of the Autobots that I can remember offhand: Ironhide, Trailbreaker, Brawn, Smokescreen, Hoist, Grapple, Beachcomber, Hound, Bluestreak, Sideswipe, Cliffjumper, Powerglide, Omega Supreme. Dinobots: Who the **** are each? I only recognize Swoop! And there's the female Autobots, who didn't have a lot of screen time and definitely not a lot of colorful personalities. Aerialbots are a little new at the moment and I only remember Silverbolt.

Unfortunately, I can't really tell some of the Autobots apart, so...yeah...

Decepticons

Megatron: He's super proactive, aggressive, and is just a downright a'hoe, but I think he's very funny and likable. He was a lot more powerful in Season 1 and his presence commanded fear and threat, but in Season 2, he just...feels like an unreliable leader going downhill and commanding an army of brain-defective scrap metal. He uses very, very colorful insults. Most of his insults can be used as quotes! ["You must have blown a fuse in your logic circuit!" - milder example] He's very similar to Optimus, except that he's the extroverted version and a lot more hardworking, often for nothing. The part that gets me laughing most is how he constantly threatens to destroy anything or anyone who defies him, but he still keeps all the traitorous and often stupid Decepticons under his wing. He boasts not really because he's arrogant (I think if he were, he wouldn't abandon battles and he'd have esteem issues), but can often come off that way. He's actually rather perceptive of others and their characters, but his selfishness tends to backfire on him.

Starscream: He used to be irritating. But he's very funny in the presence of other Decepticons. His attempts to cover his ass when Megatron exposes him and his lousy plans at mutiny always look very awkward, self defeating and plain inelegant, and I have no clue if he seriously thinks that Megatron has no idea. He's an oddly complex intellectual idiot, who seems seriously deluded. His predictability is quite funny too. After watching numerous episodes, my sister and I conclude that he acts like a wife to Megatron. Dude... He's a bloody bimbo.

Soundwave: Multipurpose and too goddamned reliable with his Ravage and Laserbeak. Very funny speech pattern too. I'll admit it... I'm a sucker for his quietness and his unwavering loyalty to Megatron despite his whacked leadership. His character portrays in his actions, not his words. One of the most perceptive characters.

I don't like any other Decepticons. They can be damn funny though. Unfortunately, they're usually dry. Insecticons and Constructicons are the most retarded and template-ish characters. Stunticons though, are a different story... They're new so far too, but I like them.

As for the human characters, they are all...not too interesting... Only one left a deep impression, and she's Estoria or something like that. Crazy woman!

My favorite interaction types (the ones with interesting dialogue):

Optimus - Perceptor
Optimus - Omega Supreme
Optimus - Megatron
Optimus - Silverbolt

Megatron - Starscream
Megatron - Starscream - Thundercracker

And action dynamic types:

Optimus - Megatron
Optimus - Bumblebee
Megatron - Soundwave

My brain's a little scattered now, but that's all for now.

To end off with a random but probably existing dialogue: "Megatron is dead! I, Starscream, am now the leader of the Decepticons! Follow me! AHHHAHAHAHAHA!"

How to be a Smart Ass

2011-08-24T14:53:00.002+08:00

How to be a Smart Ass

Wow, I discovered this pattern some years ago.

It's part of the reason I stare at people when they speak - they're probably gonna add something lame at the end of it...

I'd teach you how to counter attack smart asses and come out the smarter (and smarmier) ass, but nah, can't teach you a secret because that's what it is - a secret. Hehehehe.

Btw, I tried to find "how to be a dumb ass", but came up with nothing. ._.

More Optimus Prime Things

2011-08-23T16:17:00.007+08:00

Why Optimus Prime is still single

...

But...when I read his profile, I found him very interesting leh. There's nothing wrong with his strategy!!!

The Church of Optimus Prime

Omg look what I found! I must spend time to investigate that site!!!

I'm surprised that there are people who took this seriously...... Oh man, image kena truncated u.u

Transformers New Lyrics

2011-08-17T16:22:00.002+08:00

Optimus Prime: Bodohbots, let's troll!!

I'm still so satisfied thinking about it.

Credits here for the lyrics:

The Transformers,
More than meets the eye
Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons
The Transformers
Robots in disguise
The Transformers
More than meets the eye
The Transformers.

Here's the correct one.

The Mindbogglers!
More than bleeds the eye
Bodohbots wage their battle to humor the funny forces of the Decrapticons
The Mindbogglers!
Total C-M-I
The Mindbogglers!
More than pricks the mind
The Trespassers! (<--from Cybertron)

NT / NF Death Spiral

2011-08-17T15:13:00.004+08:00

NT/NF Death Spiral

Stage 1: NT meets NF. NF is enamoured of NT, falls head over heels. NT is characteristically cautious, but interested. NFs are fun, after all.

Stage 2: NF appreciates and admires many characteristics of the NT and thus begins to behave more like an NT, perhaps even fooling the NT into thinking s/he is an NT. NT then relaxes, figuring s/he's with a kindred spirit, gets more comfortable with the relationship, starts acting like normal NT self, expecting to be understood.

Stage 3: NF feels NT cooling off and wonders what s/he is doing wrong. Tries to be more like NT to compensate. This doesn't feel right. NF gets needy and/or begins to consider is her/his duty to draw the NT out of her/his shell, encouraging the NT to express all those feelings buried deep inside. NT doesn't get it.

Stage 4: NT feels pressure from NFs emotional demands, needs distance to figure things out. (This might be only INTs. I'm not sure.) NF panics, becomes more needy. NT withdraws more...NF needs more...and so on and so on.

Stage 5: NF suddenly realizes that the reason things aren't working is that the NT is cold and unfeeling or not nurturing or some other horrible thing. Abandons NT without looking back. (This is especially likely with the NFPs.) NT is confused and (sometimes) relieved.

--

LOL! WTF! I was twice (or maybe more times, but I don't remember) in that equation... Found two NFPs very interesting. Then they became too interesting. They became...needy... They started to demand emotional reciprocation... I started to disappear...and suddenly.

I'M AN ASSHOLE!!! WOW!!!

Well, I still miss the two NFPs from time to time, but thinking about this death spiral, which curiously I have noticed both IRL and in fiction, I feel reluctant to start again. =/ Ah well.

Transformers Cartoon

2011-08-15T00:32:00.002+08:00

The first episode made me laugh until I wanted to die.

The rest of the episodes was a freezing experience. I was trapped in the midst of wondering whether to laugh, to cry, or to roll my eyes to oblivion. (I'm on epi 5 I think...)

Autobots...why...oh...why...DO YOU NOT LEARN YOUR LESSONS!??!?!!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

Why, oh why...ARE AUTOBOTS PERMANENTLY INFERIOR TO THE DECEPTICONS IN THE DEPARTMENT OF WEAPONRY!?!?!?!?!?!!?

I don't quite understand...why Mechatron keeps Starscream around him either!??!?!

And and, and why does...why doesn't...WHY DOESN'T OPTIMUS PRIME ACT ON HIS DISBELIEF!?! "I wish I could believe that." <-- HE SAID THAT TWICE...WITH REGARDS TO THE DECEPTICONS' "DEATH"!!! Scared of water cannot go underwater to find the Decepticons' crashed spaceship is it????

WHY??!!!

WHY??????????????????????????????????????????

HAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA!

Well, anyway, what cracked me up so bad in the first episode, was that ALL the freaking robots just took off to space without even ensuring their battery levels, and in the midst of zapping each other in space, they all said, "We're running low on energy levels!!!" Somehow, conserving energy has never been part of their master plan! And then they start gangster fights in the middle of the bloody fcking spaceship - and they all CRASH AND "DIE"!!!

I laughed for a good ten minutes...and I can't stand the way Megatron and Optimus Prime fights...I can't remember which episode but Optimus was cool for two minutes when he insulted Megatron, calling him old and saying that he should scrap old models of thinking. Haaahahaahahaha! AND THEN HE JUST HAS TO ROLL INTO THE WATERFALL... WTF!!!

But then, we realised that while Optimus Prime is a damn lousy CQC fighter, he is a goddamned powerful sniper. HAHAHA!

Very funny. I wonder how long it'd take me to finish Transformers (animated series).

Lesson learnt: The robots simply don't learn!!!

The Walking Dead Epi 3

2011-08-13T22:05:00.002+08:00

I actually felt bad for the asshole....

I'm an asshole most of everyday (self-effacing not intended), but even so, I don't like seeing enemies suffer either....

Removing all the discussions of who was responsible, what could have been, what should have been, it doesn't change the facts of situations.

Facts...how interesting. To me, there is an objective world out there that cares for and is biased to no man. The situations have happened and will continue to happen - oddly an interaction between man and environment.

And yet, the very same facts screw up most of people's lives, and people feel upset. I find it funny why people don't focus on our interaction with the environment, and instead, deny facts for being facts.

The Walking Dead Epi 2

2011-08-06T22:38:00.002+08:00

Eughhhh chopping corpses up is just...not my thing... My stomach churned -_-

With my updated understanding of typology...

2011-08-04T18:57:00.006+08:00

I'm going to start typing Metal Gear Solid Novel characters!!! Well, it's just very interesting to me...

Solid Snake: INTJ
Reason: I was torn between ISTP/INTJ, due to his apparently superior use of Se - quick to form judgments on what to do, quickly picks up hints and clues in the current context, and he considers his options within himself - very huge clue of the Ni/Se combo. He has utter lack of Si, and completely no signs of Fe - does not understand conversational roles, and ends up pissing off characters for "rejecting" conversation roles - classic way of pissing people off for non Fe-users, or even SJs who don't know him well enough. His emotions are very contained and he has no wish to be understood (strong signs of Fi). Also has a lack of Ti - has a tendency to draw information from his environment and organize them effective enough for action output, but seldom analyzes things for the sake of it, and discards principles and rules that make no sense.
Conclusion: No Ti/Fe, or Si/Ne. Has a strong introverted inclination. Not an F. By deduction, he's an INTJ.

Meryl Silverburgh: INFJ
Reason: Very clearly an Fe-user - classic clashes of Fe/Ti vs Te/Fi with Solid Snake. Has a strong urge to understand "why", and does not have a very strong attachment to the past - telling of a lack of Si. Like Snake, she has a tendency to work within context. Surpasses Snake in the department of analysis, but has a poorer judgment of what is necessary for the objective goal. Very competent on her own terms and engrossed in her own vision. She and Snake understand each other and are on the same page, but often come to different conclusions. After categorizing Snake as "on her side", she finds herself more easily agreeable with Snake - signs of Fe.
Conclusion: She could be an ENFJ, but has a comfortable use of Ti, indicating a tertiary position versus inferior position.

Roy Campbell: ISTJ/XXTJ
Reason: Actually, I don't know. He has Te/Fi preferences. It's hard to tell if he is an S/N or I/E. Considering his reserved nature, he seems to have introverted inclinations, and prefers to go slow and steady in his speech. His concerns are far more direct than Snake's, and he seems to use quite a bit of Si. Seems to have difficulty adjusting and jumping onto a situation as fast as Snake does.
Conclusion: By deduction again, he's an ISTJ.

Naomi Hunter: ISFP
Reason: Her motivations and reasons are very straightforward, and are actually rationalized, far more than Snake's. She does not relive past experiences - she carries her interpretations (Ni) of events with her and carries on to act on it. It's expected that an Fi-dom learns to control Fi-reflexes in a military background, but it's evident that her emotions catch up with her instantly as she observes Snake throughout the mission. She sees eye-to-eye with Snake, a common thing for Se/Ni and Ni/Se interacting parties, and that both have Te/Fi and Fi/Te makes the connection much easier, and Snake feels this profound connection; they get what each other is saying. She also sheds her past quickly and takes on a new conclusion after she understood things differently.
Conclusion: Her goals are straightforward and easy to understand, as is the case for most Se-Doms and -auxiliaries, versus Ni-Doms and -auxiliaries. No signs of Si/Ne. Her introversion shows very clearly.

Otacon: INTP
Reason: I had thought him to be an INFP, but the Ti preferences started to show later in the novel. He has a strong use of Ne/Si. At the back, he starts to show no signs of Fi at all - he uses Ti reasoning to determine the truth or falseness in a situation, and it even shows in the way he analyses his feelings for Sniper Wolf. At this juncture, he seeks Snake's second opinion, and Snake's Te/Fi reasoning about his feelings for Sniper Wolf confuses him. In MGS2, his relationship with E.E is also confused, and he tries to reason his way out, only to get even more confused. Strong Ti-Ne leads him to have less concerns about consequences.
Conclusion: His emotionally expressive demeanor was confusing at first, but eventually, the Ti reasoning gave way to a huge hint of his type. A rather unusual INTP.

Gray Fox: ISTP
Reason: Very hard to type. I suspect that he gets along with Naomi and Snake primarily because of the Se/Ni combination, and he shows very strong Se use. The Ti process in an ISTP is often difficult to see, but it shows in the manner in which they make decisions and carry out actions. He and Snake's interaction is unique, in that they both know they see the same things, but have a subtly different approach and conclusion. Not a complicated man, but definitely determined.
Conclusion: I might be off the track. Too little to work with, and the fact that he has a damaged persona makes it even harder; he could be ESTP.

Liquid Snake: ENTP
Reason: I don't know why people type him as an XNTJ - no signs of Ni/Se at all. Very outer world focused. He cooks up ideas on the fly, and uses a lot of Ti to back it up. Fe-tertiary in ENTPs tend to show in forms of reaction-monitoring and teasing - evident in his treatment to Solid Snake. A telling sign was when he assumed the existence of a vaccine to FoxDie - Snake questioned Liquid if there truly was a vaccine, but he merely said, "There has to be!" His motivations are also explained in a logical discourse; he mocked Naomi for her silly motivation for revenge, but when Snake pointed out the irony in his own motivation resembling Naomi's, he failed to address it and instead turned it against Snake ("Unlike you!"). His horrible assessment of combat actions to be taken during his control of Metal Gear REX is, to me, a strong indication of a total lack of Se.
Conclusion: I put his functions together, and then compared him to the three ENTPs I've ever known - they sound just like him: grand preachers of their whacked ideas. Entertaining, intelligent...but still whacked.

Sniper Wolf: ISTP
Reason: Her interaction style with Snake is curiously similar to what it is like between Gray Fox and Snake. She has an obvious preference for Ti. Also very adaptive to her current circumstance, indicating use of Se. Her devotion to her ideals tells a Ti-Dom. She and Otacon probably understand each other from the Ti/Fe perspective, but have different conclusions because of the Se/Ni and Ne/Si divide.
Conclusion: Could be completely off the track, since there's too little to go on with. But I can't see her as an Si or a Te user.

Decoy Octopus: The famous XXXX type
Reason: The seventeenth type, because we get to see him only in his afterlife.
Conclusion: I wrote this for fun.

Vulcan Raven: Some...Si-user (XSXJ)
Reason: He is...just weird... Too weird to type. He uses a crap load of Si. He talks too much and he's...I don't know...just weird. He seems absolutely terrible at contingencies, so it's hard to tell if he uses Te/Ti. Seems to be somewhat out of it a lot. He seems a bit like an ISFJ to me, but I really don't know.
Conclusion: The Shaman who can't stop talking about his culture. Has his roots in a very concrete manner, so I doubt that he's an N.

Psycho Mantis: INTP
Reason: I thought about this for a while. His personal ideals are unemotional in nature despite the emotional roots. Has a stronger use of Si compared to Liquid, and his ideals via Ti are of utmost importance. Lack of Se. For some totally random reason, he just had to torment Snake with hallucinations and delusions, a period in which he could simply just whack life out of Snake - seems like a whacked Fe projection or something...or just Ne on the loose.
Conclusion: He has very little consideration for consequences, and simply follows his reasoning. Everything that's happening around him is of little relevance to him - something xNTPs share in common, but often unintentionally.

Revolver Ocelot: ISFJ
Reason: This one was interesting to type. On first glance, it's easy to think of him as an NT, but on further observation of his general conduct, he's a heavy Si and Ti user, and definitely has Fe. The fight between him and Snake in the room with Baker is very interesting, in that Ocelot kept talking about history, and has a tendency to explain his preferences in Ti style - he complained of Snake's SOCOM ("Hah! Everybody uses SOCOM..."), went on to talk about his SAA (despite the disadvantage of slow reload time), and used Ti to figure out how to use the SAA best suited to himself - oddly a behavior reminiscent of Meryl (INFJ: Ti-tertiary), who also explained to Snake her preference for the Desert Eagle and how she had learnt to suit it to herself. He seems to find Snake irritating to talk to, in once again, typical Te/Fi and Fe/Ti conflict. I suspect that Snake has no clue why Ocelot is talking so much to him.
Conclusion: His cognitive functions are the same as INTP, and I had considered him an INTP, but he's a lot more concrete and less flexible in his approach to changes. Interesting, he sees eye-to-eye with Liquid, who shares the same function.

That...was very satisfying to type. What a strangely good way to improve my mood.

Optimus Prime and Bumblebee!!!

2011-08-04T11:15:00.005+08:00

This is now my favourite website: Optimus Prime on Wikipedia, of all sites. . .

Ughhh for some really weird reason, reading Optimus Prime and Bumblebee's descriptions and background stories is giving me the urge to cry in the middle of my office work. Even weirder is feeling very sad reading Isaac Newton's wiki page. (Where did that come from...)

Well, after watching Transformers last night (it was a desperate last catch...too bad I didn't watch early and catch the 3D one Y__Y), my liking for Optimus Prime and Bumblebee is rekindled... To preserve that idolising feeing, I shall get their posters. If we can't find Optimus Prime and Bumblebee posters (nice ones) locally, we're gonna...SHIP THEM FROM OVERSEAS!!!!!!! (I already saw two posters that have both of them in the same poster!!! Yarrr!!!) Inspired to get the whole Transformers set...

Or maybe I should go old school, print out their pictures and paste it all over my work desk. :DDD

Favourite parts of the movie:
- Optimus sliced things up in Street Fighter Ken Shoryuuken style.
- Optimus lost his trailer to Shockwave.
- Optimus flew around and got stuck in a bunch of cables.
- And Optimus ruthlessly whacked everyone. The first time he's goddamned full of precision. (Though I still...kinda like his clumsiness and terrible execution...)
- Bumblebee, at the moment he was about to be blasted in the head to oblivion.

And well, yeah, I think the robots are far more human than humans themselves.

In my next life, I want to be Bumblebee or some such autobot!!!

Asshole in the Hole

2011-08-02T14:56:00.017+08:00

First, I must mention that wow, what a strange discovery! For some reason, my office has stopped blocking sites, and here I am. (I don't know when's the next massive blocking however.)

Now, I must mention this. I have been reading MGS Novel. Out of curiosity, I wanted to see if there were interesting fictions between Snake and Otacon from MGS, as friends, or beyond. (?!) But I came across this unholy site.

Ranting Mode Activated

Asshole: This is Asshole. Colonel Assbag, do you read me?
Assbag: I'm here, Asshole. Do you need help?
Asshole: How do I activate my Asshole Mode?
Assbag: That's easy. Asshole, you are already an Asshole. Did you see all your previous blog entries?
Asshole: Blog entries?
Assbag: Yes, those entries you wrote in the past on this blogger site that mocked every fucking dumb shit in the world. Well, not literally and exactly - they were mostly about games.
Asshole: Yeah, I remember those. What about them?
Assbag: First, you need to read, and then you will detect Stupidity. After successfully detecting it, pick out the Stupidity that bothers you most, and go through your Inventory of Insults. Then apply the Principle of Mockery and Sarcasm, and you will be in Asshole Mode.
Asshole: Got it.
Assbag: While it isn't common for the Codec helpline to ask, but Asshole, why do you want to activate the Asshole Mode? Did you come across a Sucker?
Asshole: Sucker?
Assbag: Do not answer my question with a question!
Asshole: See... I don't know if your idea of a Sucker and mine are the same.
Assbag: Oh. Is that why you keep repeating a random Noun in people's words?
Asshole: What?
Assbag: What do you mean what? And stop using questions to answer instead!
Asshole: No, see, I don't know why you're asking me that.
Assbag: Don't you know that everyone's making fun of you? Look, you asked me, "blog entries", and you asked me "sucker". These things are goddamned postulates, Asshole.
Asshole: Who's everyone? Why are they making fun of me? There are several goddamned entries. How do I know if you're talking about the ones where I was goddamned emo, goddamned insulting, or just goddamned throwing pansies around in a flower field?
Assbag: Fine. What about Sucker? Everybody knows what Sucker means!
Asshole: Have you seen Dictionary.com and how many definitions there are?
Assbag: Goddammit just use the popular definitions!
Asshole: You didn't answer my question. The problem lies in the precision of your language.
Assbag: Goddammit Asshole, they are postulates. Do I need to explain everything?
Asshole: Whatever, I don't have time for this shit. Anything else I need to know?
Assbag: You, are an Asshole. A dense one.
Asshole: ...That's intense.
Assbag: And a real jerk.
Asshole: One that knows sarcasm too. Want a piece of my Asshole Mode?
Assbag: *sighs dramatically* I'm signing off. Good luck pissing people off.
Asshole: Well thanks, I just did one in.

I am no elitist. I do not hate and discriminate people with a terrible lack of wit, nor do I hate people who like to speak the obvious and draw comparisons between a fucking game and goddamned reality.

(Here's a quote for you to see what the obvious are:

Can carry many things

One of Snake's most extraordinary qualities is the ability to carry roughly seventeen tons of equipment without any kind of convoy, backpack, or even a bulge in his pocket. Somehow, Snake manages to move unfatigued despite carrying an AK-47, 9MM Pistol, 20 Grenades, 30 Rations, A Giant Knife, 5 Sniper rifles, a Rail Gun, a 50 Caliber rifle, several types of Automatic Rifles, a truckload of ammo, a box big enough to fit a grown man, a oil drum, a camera, a robot, pornography, a microphone the size of a TV Camera, flashbangs, smoke grenades and several changes of clothes.

Need I tell you the obvious, that Final Fantasy VIII beats Solid Snake hands-down with a 18 pages x 11 Inventory List with a maximum count of 100 stocks for each Item, not to mention 16 GFs possessing 3 or 6 fucking players at any time, and 8 x 4 magic slots per toon? That they whip out their goddamned fucking weapons out of the blues? That they carry nothing even half as remotely useful as Snake's equipment, and hold on to something as pointless as a bloody pack of Zombie Powder, or a couple of Occult Magazines?

Oh wait... So you can compare a game to reality, and not a game to another game? So we're supposed to...compare apples to cakes instead of apples to oranges, right?

Actually, those aren't my main gripes. I can deal with a dull sense of humor no problem, but here lies an insult to an existing bunch of people...:

Possible deafness

Although Snake is responsive to loud noises, he asks lots of obvious questions, suggesting that he might have trouble with his hearing. During conversation, he will almost invariably repeat any Noun he hears in the form of a question. For example, if you were to tell Snake you live in California, Snake would reply, "California?!!". Perhaps the fifteen years he's spent firing loud automatic weapons have caught up to him.

If Snake ever tries to interrogate you at gunpoint, consider telling him your name is "Lord Marcus Thomas Randy Bowman-Schneider McFarland Thompson Randolph Lee Brady III". By the time he's repeating the "McFarland", you should be pretty far away.

Well, congratulations on picking up a pattern without understanding how the questioning patterns work. (Refer to above Asshole vs Assbag for references - hopefully your limited pattern recognition is able to pick up the actual nuances of how a Noun is selected, and not just any variable.) Oh, wait, you understood and you still mocked? Oh hey, no problem, I saw that coming a million miles ahead as you did too...

By the way, in the above crappy fucked up example of a mockery, Snake would NOT repeat McFarland. Here's a list of responses he's likely to give:

"What the hell was that?"
"Sorry, didn't catch that - can I just call you Brady III?"
"How do you even remember your name?"
"Where are you from? That obscure country that just picks any random word and adds it to their name to make it a burger as long as one in Subway?"
"That must have taken quite a bit of time to practice..."
"I'm glad my name's as ordinary as John Doe."
"Who came up with that?"

...the list goes on.

Solid Snake: Solid Snake (Solid Snake!?) is the protagonist (protagonist!?) and playable character (playable character!?) of MGS. He can carry massive firearms in his pockets (pockets!?), hits on every female character in the game (flirtation!?), and repeats nouns in the form of questions (Noun!?).

I'm calling discrimination on this one.

Well, whaddya know!

People like this actually exist!

And yours truly is one goddamned example!

Wow, I didn't know people called those who ask questions in the forms of...well, repeated "nouns" as deaf and dumb (as in, you know, stupid, just so we're on the same page and not go into semantics). Now I know why there are some people who act up on me just because I like to repeat what they say!

Here's a brief lesson for you people who have difficulty understanding this speech pattern.

IT'S CALLED THE NI SPEAK!!!

Assbag: What? "Ni Speak?"

Yes, Ni Speak. It's a goddamned fucking postulate. Why are you asking me? And by the way, if you don't have it, you won't get it - it's evident throughout this blog and you'll never pick it up if you never had it. Oh of course, unless you have shadow functions acting on your whim --

Assbag: What? Shadow functions?! What the hell are you talking about!?

Fucking postulates. Stop acting like the nerd you just condemned. Okay, because you have limited understanding and I'm not an Assbag like you (since I'm an Asshole), I will be nice and tell you what those noun repetitions actually mean, much as you'd like to pretend that you know how it works.

It's called highlighting keywords while attaching this request, "Please elaborate." (Even better if you can give "why", and hopefully the other 4 Ws and 1H if relevant, to prevent such pointless "pressing for more information" in the form of "noun repetition".)

Short, simple and succinct, but apparently ineffective against a bunch of people who would rather assume they know what a person means rather than get a correct interpretation of people's words. And these smart people apparently cannot even comprehend that this short, selective noun repetition is also packed with courtesy: it is also asking, "Do you have more to say?"

Assbag: Is that an insult? Dumb nuts who need everything explained to them. *rolls eyes and walks away*
Asshole: You don't walk away from a Codec. You turn off the transmission. It's too bad you were born with the knowledge of the universe.

It almost feels like Jedi power (no, I have never watched Star Wars...well, not that I remember; my Ni tells me that this term is used correctly) to understand Snake, how he talks and how he thinks, and not have to stoop and condescend to make a mockery out of someone who just acts, thinks and talks differently.

If this Asshole mode is upsetting, don't be upset. I'm just employing the same tactics that writer used, in the same satirical manner. D'you know what's the difference? Their words cut corners - mine just cut.

Ranting Mode Deactivated

And now for some crude, pointless epilogues.

Asshole: This is Asshole. Colonel Assbag, do you read me?
Assbag: What is it?
Asshole: How do I turn the Asshole Mode off?
Assbag: Go fuck yourself.
Asshole: Fuck myself? *frowns, lowers head*
Assbag: You know what? You're hopeless.
Asshole: What do you mean--Colonel? COLONEL!
Cheebeh: Hi Asshole. I'm the Downstairs Specialist. How can I help you?
Asshole: Where's Colonel Assbag!
Cheebeh: He was merely using you as a test subject. Don't you know, Asshole? You're part of the Les parties du corps Terribles -- The Terrible Body Parts Project.
Asshole: What?
Cheebeh: Both of us are twins, and our Father is Big Balls! You got all his dominant genes, and I've got all his recessive genes!!
Asshole: That's quite funny, now that I think about it.
Cheebeh: And you're carrying the SureToDie (STD). Ask the Upstairs to provide the vaccine! Or I'm going to launch a Nuclear Strike through the newest Terrorist Weapon - the White Porcelain!
Asshole: No!
Cheebeh: Don't think you can stop me! *throws away Master Miller's sunglasses*
Asshole: How can I stop this thing?! *thinks* The Stinger! It's with me! I'm an Asshole...I can launch it! *blasts White Porcelain into pieces*
Cheebeh: You dare defy the destiny encoded in your genes!
Asshole: Get Colonel Assbag on the line!
Assbag: I'm sorry, Asshole.
Asshole: Assbag, you double-crossed me!
Assbag: It's Bosoms. They transferred her to Downstairs, and used her to manipulate me!
Asshole: They?
Assbag: There's no time for such dumb questions, Asshole! Take out Cheebeh -- ugh!! *arrested*

etc etc. I'm too lazy to continue.

Revolver LJ: Hahaha... It's not Asshole who has the dominant genes. It's Cheebeh who has the dominant genes! But of course... It just didn't occur to him (her?) that he (she?) makes a better hole out of the two.

The Walking Dead

2011-07-30T22:43:00.002+08:00

I'm currently watching The Walking Dead (Sat 10pm). So far it's a very interesting watch...a show on unraveling and on development. A strangely much more realistic watch than most of the zombie shows, but then again, it's a TV series and not a movie.... Will be keeping track of it. :D

Today, Liz and I figured out the trend of the things that we like to watch. It is indeed enlightening!

Funny Facts

2011-07-30T01:47:00.004+08:00

Funny Facts Generator

James Cameron wanted Ashin to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Don't you just loveee these things...

Ashin will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Ashin has 72... and they're all poisonous.

There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Ashin.

Ashin stared evil in the face, and it backed down.

Ashin's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Ashin.

Ashin wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.

Ashin is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

Giraffes were created when Ashin uppercutted a horse.

For Spring Break '07, Ashin drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.

Ashin doesn't believe in Germany.

The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Ashin's left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his soul.

While urinating, Ashin is easily capable of welding titanium.

Ashin doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Ashin's theme song.

Ashin can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Ashin.

The only sure things are Death and Taxes�and when Ashin goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.

On his birthday, Ashin randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Ashin doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Ashin a giant meteor.

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Ashin.

Ashin has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

Ashin can tie his shoes with his feet.

Ashin's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.

The active ingredient in Red Bull is Ashin's sweat.

Ashin has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

When Ashin does push-ups, he does not push himself up. He pushes the Earth down.

The Bible was originally titled "Ashin and Friends"

Ashin drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Ashin.

Ashin was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.

Ashin doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

Ashin was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Noah was the only man notified before Ashin relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.

Ashin is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Ashin didn't kill you in your sleep.

According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Ashin created God by snapping his fingers

Ashin is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

Mr. T pities the fool. Ashin rips the fool's head off.

Ashin once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Ashin.

When Ashin sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Ashin has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Ashin does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.

Ashin once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Ashin can hold his breathe for nine years.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Ashin allows to live.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Ashin once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Ashin died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Ashin was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.

Ashin cannot predict the future; the future just better do what Ashin says.

Ashin eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Ashin walks.

Ashin doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Ashin throws down!

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Ashin would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

Ashin can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.

Ashin actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.

Ashin can judge a book by its cover.

Ashin can drown a fish.

The saddest moment for children is not when they learn Santa Claus isn't real, it's when they learns Ashin is.

Ashin was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Ashin's fist.

Ashin eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Ashin.

Ashin uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

If you spell Ashin in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Ashin never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Ashin. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Ashin.

Ashin enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.

Ashin always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Ashin finds it delicious.

When you say "no one's perfect", Ashin takes this as a personal insult.

Ashin can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Ashin does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Ashin."

Ashin qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

Ashin was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."

Ashin can split the atom. With his bare hands.

When Ashin breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.

Ashin doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Ashin's warm-up exercises.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Ashin can stretch diamonds back into coal.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Ashin. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

When Ashin plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Ashin in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

Ashin sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Ashin doesnt wear a watch, He decides what time it is.

Ashin once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

Ashin visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso on Earth".

Ashin invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.

Ashin's credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.

Ashin just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.

Ashin was once charged with attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the chargesbecause Ashin does not "attempt" murder.

Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Ashin. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.

There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Ashin.

When God said, "let there be light", Ashin said, "say 'please'."

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Ashin.

Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Ashin with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Ashin cannot be in two places at the same time.

Ashin and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Ashin doesn't like Fudge Ripple.

Ashin does not sleep. He waits.

Ashin uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.

When Ashin goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

When you play Monopoly with Ashin, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

Ashin once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly was because they knew Ashin was coming.

Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Ashin heads outside and brands his cattle.

Ashin's first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

Ashin doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Ashin needs toothpicks.

No matter what your mother always said, Ashin can tune a fish.

After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Ashin with a handshake. The rest is history.

Ashin doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

The Ashin military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Ashin could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

Ashin built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.

There�s an order to the universe: space, time, Ashin.... Just kidding, Ashin is first.

Ashin can speak braille.

Most people fear the Reaper. Ashin considers him "a promising Rookie".

Ashin doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Ashin.

When Ashin wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

Ashin destroyed the periodic table, because Ashin only recognizes the element of surprise.

Ashin once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

If Ashin wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Ashin says its beef, then it's beef.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Ashin out. It failed miserably.

Not everyone that Ashin is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.

In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Ashin is the stuntman for every character.

Ashin can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Staring at Ashin for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.

Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Ashin wanted his nickname back.

When Ashin falls in water, Ashin doesn't get wet. Water gets Ashin.

Ashin's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Ashin trick-or-treated as himself as a child.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Ashin and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Ashin will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Ashin is not only a noun, but a verb.

Ashin describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".

Ashin drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

Ashin brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

Ashin invented the internet� just so he had a place to store his porn.

There are no races, only countries of people Ashin has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Ashin is worth 1 billion words.

Ashin got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

Ashin brushes his teeth with barbed wire.

Ashin cannot love, he can only not kill.

Ashin once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.

Ashin is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Ashin.

Earth's emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is Ashin.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Ashin could use to kill you, including the room itself.

182,000 Americans die from Ashin-related accidents every year.

Ashin can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

Ashin is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.

Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Ashinaurus.

When Ashin sneeze, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE!!!". That's what happens next.

When Ashin spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame

Ashin puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

Ashin once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour.

Ashin can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Ashin to kill you...Fourty seven times.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Ashin.

Ashin eats lightning and farts thunder.

Ashin's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Ashin will not take shit from anyone.

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Ashin, 3. Cancer

When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that he is going to ask Ashin for help.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Ashin. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

During the Vietnam War, Ashin allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.

Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Ashin is looking for it.

Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Ashin touches turns up dead.

Ashin let the dogs out.

On the SAT if you put Ashin for every answer you will score over 8000

Ashin invented the question mark.

Ashin can sneeze with his eyes open.

Guns don't kill people. Ashin kills People.

Ashin does know what Willis is talking about!

Mr. T once defeated Ashin in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Ashin invented racism.

For undercover police work, Ashin pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

Thousands of years ago Ashin came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Ashin. Not to be outdone, Ashin invented the car accident.

It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Ashin can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

Ashin is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.

There are no such things as tornados. Ashin just hates trailer parks.

TNT was originally developed by Ashin to cure indigestion.

Ashin uses a night light. Not because Ashin is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Ashin.

Ashin never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Ashin is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

Ashin can delete the Recycling Bin.

As an infant, Ashin's parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Ashin because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Ashin' autobiography.

Scotty in Star Trek often says �Ye cannae change the laws of physics.� This is untrue. Ashin can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

Ashin can slam revolving doors.

Ashin CAN believe it's not butter.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Ashin can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

Ashin doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

When Ashin is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get above the horizon.

Some people say that Ashin is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.

Ashin once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Divide Ashin by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Ashin, because Ashin killed that man.

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Ashin will find you and kill you.

Ashin keeps his ID on the bottom of his right foot. Nobody ever asks him for his ID.

When Ashin gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

When Ashin calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Ashin is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Ashin is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.

Ashin is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Ashin is on.

Ashin counted to infinity - twice.

Ashin's sweat has burned holes in concrete.

Ashin did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.

Bullets dodge Ashin.

Ashin doesn�t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

Ashin is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Ashin does not swim. This is because when Ashin enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Ashin simply walks across the pool floor.

What many people dont know is Ashin is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.

If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Ashin hears it. Ashin can hear everything. Ashin can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.

The First rule of Ashin is: you do not talk about Ashin.

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Ashin while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Ashin needed a back scratcher.

Ashin beat the Sun in a staring contest.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Ashin"

The speed of light was instituted because Ashin didn't want get winded outrunning it. Ashin hates to sweat.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Ashin.

Q: How many Ashin's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Ashin prefers to kill in the dark.

Ashin once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

What was going through the minds of all of Ashin's victims before they died? His shoe.

Police label anyone attacking Ashin as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Ashin.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Ashin bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

Ashin doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.

As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Ashin."

In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Ashin was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

There is no such thing as global warming. Ashin was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Ashin once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

When Ashin was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.

Ashin doesn't chew gum. Ashin chews tin foil.

That's not Ashin doing push-ups -- that's Ashin moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.

Ashin doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Ashin gets too hot.

Ashin likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.

Ashin proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

The 11th commandment is �Thou shalt not piss off Ashin� This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.

When Ashin talks, everybody listens. And dies.

Ashin has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Ashin played in second grade.

Ashin invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Ashin doesn't believe in magic.

The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Ashin. This amuses Ashin because he is bulletproof.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Ashin.

Ashin recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Ashin will beat his ass and take it.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Ashin's PC will crash.

Never look a gift Ashin in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.

In an emergency, Ashin can be used as a floatation device.

The truth will set you free. Unless Ashin has you, in which case, forget it buddy!

Ashin can get Blackjack with just one card.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Ashin has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Ashin got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Ashin for every answer.

They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Ashin killed the cat. Every single one of them.

Ashin once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Ashin re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Ashin is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.

There is no Control button on Ashin's computer. Ashin is always in control.

Ashin does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.

Ashin doesn't go hunting.... Ashin goes killing.

Ashin doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets out of the way.

In a tagteam match, Ashin was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.

Ashin ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Love does not hurt. Ashin does.

'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Ashin. After a workout, Ashin rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.

Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Ashin asks for a body bag.

Ashin eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

Ashin doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

Ashin doesn't open a can of whoopass. He makes his own.

For most people, home is where the heart is. For Ashin, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.

Ashin can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Ashin once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.

Ashin once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Ashin can throw Brett Favre even further.

Ashin once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

One time, Ashin accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.

The chief export of Ashin is Pain.

Ashin puts the laughter in manslaughter.

For every person Mother Nature kills, Ashin kills five.

Ashin used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Ashin � dies.

Ashin can build a snowman out of rain.

President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Ashin carried his the same distance in half the time.

The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Ashin, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Ashin turned that wine into beer.

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Ashin.

Ashin has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

Ashin CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand.

Don't ask...

2011-07-07T00:30:00.002+08:00

...if you want to hear anything short of the truth. And reject it in the end.

A type of silence

2011-07-06T01:17:00.003+08:00

I know, I should be sleeping. My com is dl-ing TF2 at the moment, and I just came back from bathing.

Just...a thought. A type of silence. The kind that is the worst. The kind that compels the mind to fill the gap with strange noises. Strange irrational noises. I didn't know whom I was doubting, but at the root of it, it's me I doubt the most.

It's been a lifetime now, that I feel like I'm watching my life from another lens. I'm watching myself read these words, type these things, and I do doubt if I'm really sitting here and saying things. It's quite creepy, that I started to want to move the lens around, and see the...box. The whole thing, the different angles at which to view an event. And I'm terrified, when the limit is reached. There's an angle I can't see, and I do not know why.

It's much like the...you know, feeling? That kidnappers capture you, put you in a room, interrogate you, and then show you the fate of your family in a video. It's real to you, the video, but you know it's recorded, and there are things beyond the video you can't see--and you have no access to them. That's the feeling that I have. It's hard to describe.

Or living as an invisible person, that somehow you're in a parallel dimension, with words unspoken and concern undelivered, because you haven't figured out how to get it out there.

If I knew how to show concern without scaring everyone away, perhaps my life would be a fragment more complete. And this is another type of silence that's just as bad... So bad I'd rather shove it all into a box and lock it away, out of reach forever.

Indescribable Difficulties

2011-07-03T22:43:00.005+08:00

After watching the whole thing, I have to say that I'm on the guy's side. I can imagine how difficult it is to live through discrimination. It's an emotionally painful watch.

Normally, I'm against sex change. But there's someone in my life who was in a similar position. Not as emotionally destructive as the above, of course; it's positive, even. I was guilty of the same narrow-mindedness as that blasted father in the show above, but without the same intensity. I had thought it was a "nurture" issue, not a "nature" issue. Eventually, I changed my mind.

The guy is of an unhealthy mindset when constantly blaming his parents for his plight, but beneath all that emotional display, I feel that there lies a soul that needs unconditional acceptance, free of judgment.

Sometimes, that's all that's needed for people to move on.

City Living Affects Brain

2011-07-03T17:33:00.005+08:00

What do you think about this?

Personally, I...don't really see a point in building city landscapes based upon this concept. But I like the observation, despite how it doesn't make as much sense as I thought it might.

Manning asked me yesterday why I deactivated Facebook. The reason is quite simple. It's much like what is described in the link above.

Facebook is now almost the virtual representation of society. If you haven't known about it, or that I haven't made it explicitly known yet, I am in a contradictory, possibly paradoxical, position about society--I find it close to something like an abomination.

I have several thoughts as to why I don't like Facebook.

I am highly introverted.

This is painfully obvious, but I'd just state it anyway. I don't need a lot of stimuli to keep my mind going, and I don't need human company for a lengthy period of time to let my mind chew on things. That said...

Facebook is too damn noisy for me.

No, it's not about individual posts whatsoever. It's just that, the moment I load Facebook, I am faced with an entire list of people saying everything from their damaged aircons to something as serious as perhaps, a death or two. I am not against people saying whatever they want. But the problem is, it isn't much different, to me, from being in an overly crowded IT Fair. That's just how sensitive my mind is...

I can't take the excess external stimuli.

This is the main reason. I can't explain why, but being on Facebook, I feel forced into a social situation. I don't like the new random Add Friend requests. And there is so much information, my mind is constantly doing some sort of filtering and processing. Worse, most of the processing is taking place for unimportant things. Don't know if it sounds weird, but I feel very overwhelmed, pressured and stressed after long exposure to Facebook.

I don't understand the point of Facebook (for myself).

Yeah. I don't understand Facebook. I'm not interested in a lot of people's lives and I don't see a need to be updated about them. I only have a few groups of people in my life I care about, and I don't want to lump everyone into one space called Facebook. It makes no sense whatsoever to me.

I prefer some quiet room. And to be honest, I don't like to be found. I'd rather people just approached me if and when they want to meet up. I'm an ass, I know... Yeah...

Giving the Bots Credit

2011-06-22T22:20:00.000+08:00

Okay, okay. Guys. Or Internet zombies, whichever names you wanna be called. I know you guys are my fans, and highly intelligent. I mention "Malay" once--and suddenly you guys are speaking Malay to me.

But you know what?

I'm Chinese.

Theorizing the New Common Sense

2011-06-22T19:35:00.005+08:00

Today, my dad was angered by a bunch of jaywalkers who emerged from in front of a bus, and he could have knocked into them. He said, "IT'S COMMON SENSE NOT TO DO THIS!"

Apparently, that is NOT the case, as proven by the jaywalkers!

Thus, I have formulated the new way to theorize common sense.

First, let us get a few things clear:

1) Common sense is, in a sense, cultural rules created by specific cultures. Common sense in Singapore (e.g. Queuing up for nothing) will obviously not work elsewhere.

2) Common sense is a general consensus among people and the consensus is based on wide acceptance, regardless of individual circumstance. It does NOT regard logic, rationality, and ironically, "common sense" of the logical realm.

3) As is common sense for the logical realm, common sense in accepted behavior is a majority > minority comparison.

The Empirical ~~Bullshit~~ Study of Jaywalking Beliefs

First, we need to first determine the number of people who support either or of the following two beliefs:
A) It is OKAY to jaywalk.
b) It is NOT OKAY to jaywalk.

The surprising study of 10,000 people shows that...LE GASP, most people believe that it IS okay to jaywalk! By the way, the ratio is 5001 > 4999.

Let us now move on to the next step of the study.

It is now established that it is indeed OKAY to jaywalk.

Now, the new choices:
A) You jaywalk.
B) You don't jaywalk.

LE GASP...MOST PEOPLE DON'T JAYWALK! (Out of the study of 5001, 2546 > 2455 DON'T jaywalk.)

There it is, your new common sense. Common sense is that it is OKAY to jaywalk, but most people don't do it despite the belief. Everybody understands this contradiction almost on a spiritual level on unspoken terms, and you are expected to say that you find jaywalking okay while you don't jaywalk.

Likewise, if you turn it around to the following premise:
A) It is NOT OKAY to jaywalk.
B) But you jaywalk.

THAT is the new common sense.

And this is how we understand reality. ;D

(Meanwhile, I shall proceed to not jaywalk and believe it is wrong to jaywalk, at the peril of moral crusaders telling me how I'm doing it all wrong. I shall now be called the nonconformist, with the knowledge that the next 4998 people are just like me, unique and nonconformist.)

X-Men: First Class

2011-06-19T03:10:00.004+08:00

I watched it today. I wanted to talk about it.

BUT I'VE BEEN PLAYING GAME THAT I NEGLECTED THIS POST!

So, yes, let me say, for the record, that I sorta like Xavier... And that show was, in an abstract way, connected in theme with the book I'd just finished reading today, called A Letter from Death. Very good read. It was provocative, then sarcastic, and then ended with insight. Not that such thoughts hadn't occurred before, but they were phrased rather carefully.

Good and evil are simple terms and labels that we use, for convenience... How interesting.

And for laziness' sake, I threw a book review into the mix in what is supposed to be a post about X-Men movie, for convenience... How interesting.

Starhub Optic Fibre

2011-06-18T21:59:00.004+08:00

First, Starhub's optic fibre plan blew me away for the last two days for two reasons:

1. On day one, my uncle spent fifteen minutes investigating how to get my com connected to it. (Somehow, ALL coms in my house can access except the main PC.) By some magical method, I randomly did some settings and woooh! I could use it.

2. On day two, Internet connection was down. AGAIN. So, Liz called Starhub. What amazed me was what they said that sounded like forces unseen at work: "Since the optic fibre is still new, the Internet is a bit unstable, so it will take a bit of time for it to stabilize. You might get DCs. (HUH? MY WORST NEMESIS MIGHT SPRING UP BEHIND MY ASS?) Don't worry, we're still channeling signal to your modem." Channeling? Did I hear wrongly? CHANNELING? Like, spirit medium CHANNELING SPIRIT? I did not know Internet signals were a matter of spiritual faith! (Let me, however, warn you that my memory can sometimes be extremely skewed, especially if it hasn't been through comprehension like this one obviously hasn't, so the word channeling...might not even have been said.) "We will get our technician to call you in the next 24hrs!"--nuh-uh, it;s been twenty-six hours madam.

And today, I didn't have to go through the last two days of trauma and Internet is not faulty. YAY! I hope I don't get DCs...ANYMORE. GOOD BYE TO DAYS OF POINTING AT MY MAXONLINE MODEM AND SCREAMING AT THE BLINKING "US" AND "ONLINE" LED LIGHTS! (This problem has been plaguing me for months I swear.)

This also proves that--Starhub's idea of a tangki (yes, I'm a responsible and educative blogger) EXISTS!

Singtel and Starhub. Did you notice something? Did you notice a similarity, a pattern? Yes... The initials are "S". Does it sound like something? Does it sound like something to you? Now how would you call two..."S"-es?

Oh this reminds me of the old wise saying that I came up with while writing about one character dissing two idiots: "Two half asses don't make one smart ass." By the way, I was about to complain that wisdom should have an adjective form called wisdomic--until I realise that that's what "wise" is for. Presenting to you, yours truly, who is not constructed by two homosapiens possessing only one half of the average human brain and is whole and complete--one dumb ass.

Oddly, I was in a bad mood when I started blogging, but the enthusiasm to unleash my urge to laugh at things (yes, screw the positive and wonderful notions of "laughing with"--we don't need Winnie the Pooh, sweestoroposis patient, to come and fill my life with unnecessary fluff and diabetes) has been, to say the least, therapeutic. I swear, evil runs in my blood.

Metal Gear Solid Novel

2011-06-16T00:41:00.003+08:00

I RANDOMLY SWIPED IT OUT FROM A $5 SECTION DURING THE EXPO MPH WAREHOUSE SALE!!!

It was...

Liz: Help me find Robin Hobb books leh, shiny shiny cover one.
Me: *sweeping fingers along the surface of the books* eh? Look! MGS! *takes out*
Liz: . . . EH? MGS?
Me: EH? MGS?

LOL!

Omgggg one segment of my life has been made completeeee omgggg and the style of the writer is the type that I likeeee. No smoke bomb language, pertinent use of vocabulary and rather apt descriptions. I liketthhhhh.

On a side note...I was so bored waiting for Liz to be done that I ended up rearranging the books in the display cardboard boxes. Sooo many repeat titles, NONE arranged. (You can see Dan Brown: Angels and Demons from the first row to the last row man, seriously.) I didn't...literally arrange everything but ah~ very satisfying.

Ugh and I went to buy books right after going to the library...seriously...

Lol wtf man, I asked Liz to help buy a few shoujo manga, just because I felt like reading some romance. Heck I even borrowed romance novels! Now to get my ass down to read (note:laugh) them. Aihz.

Reflecting

2011-06-09T19:37:00.002+08:00

I think I just identified another anger trigger.

Understanding on both sides = Happy
Misunderstanding on either side = Unhappy

Pretty simple right? Now if only I didn't end up on the second equation as much as I would love to...

This is messed up

2011-05-29T02:13:00.005+08:00

Very angry at the moment, yes, but what the fuck, reading these two posts made me laugh.

Quote 1

I turn into an hourglass and start doing cartwheels in place.

Talking about the old representation of loading on the mouse after clicking something?

Quote 2

Yes, those sound more like constipation than thinking. Then again time on the porcelain throne is a good time to think I guess when constipated.

Wtf I used to call my toiletbowl the kingly throne. Hahahahaha.

Sick of this

2011-05-28T23:54:00.005+08:00

I'm sick of people.

I hate people.

Can't I just fucking crack open people's brains to see what exactly they mean, instead of smoke bombs thrown all over.

Can't I just say things without having everything misunderstood and distorted.

DO I EVEN BELONG ON THIS PLANET?

Shit, this is so alien to me, even I don't understand what I'm getting upset over?????????

Vegetarian Stall

2011-05-19T20:45:00.003+08:00

@ ALPS avenue is totally CMI.

I tried out their Wanton Mee.

It is literally wanton mee.

HOW CAN NOODLES TASTE SO DEAD...AND HOW CAN THE FAKE WANTONS TASTE SO MUCH LIKE--A MESH OF OILY EXPIRED FLOUR?

BLACKLISTED.

Hair Wax?!

2011-05-18T19:56:00.003+08:00

How to use???

I recently had a hair cut. I wanted this, this or that.

Instead, I turned into this, minus the really cool fringe.

=_=

...

GIVE ME MY HAIR BACK! GAH!!!

The food hurts?

2011-05-15T22:30:00.003+08:00

There was something funny I noticed today, but, I forgot about it. I walk around like I'm in a dream sometimes...

That aside, I'm currently writing a side story for my characters in a somewhat private RP (roleplay) group, and one of them is an INFP. I've been friends with one for years, and coupled with visiting the INFP forums, I had/have some confidence writing in the perspective of one. Some of the things that an INFP puts a lot of weight on don't make a whole lot of sense to me, but I can respect those (as long as they don't force me to agree with them), and maybe even find interesting.

So, at one point, I made the INFP girl say something like, "I feel like the food hurts... Think of all the animals that died turning into food!"

Two days ago, I met up with a friend I haven't met in ages. Cutting out some long-winded tale, I guessed that she was INFP (but I don't really know; I just felt the vibes).

Anyway, interestingly, she doesn't eat meat. After some time, I asked her why. Her reason was something like, killing of animals isn't really necessary, and since it's not necessary, she'd rather cut down on that.

...

I went home to laugh, but please, let's be clear, it was not at her. (I could never survive on vege alone...so I have a lot of respect for vegetarians, even if I have my personal beliefs for otherwise.)

I laughed because I'd been thinking for days whether my fic made any sense, and this...was a very strange way to affirm myself that yes, what I wrote made sense. It's a fine line to get myself into trouble with this feeble line of reasoning...but there is a difference.

On a completely out of point side note, my sister narrated the whole story of first episode of Galileo (TV series) after I came home on Friday late night. She told me it's very funny...and then told me, "I think the main character is an INTJ." I asked her why. After she told me the whole story, we both kept laughing, and understanding why my INTJ uncle also recommended that drama--because the weird crap that the detective came up with is rather typical of one. Watch it, it's a funny show!

Is it age?

2011-05-15T17:22:00.002+08:00

Two years ago, three years ago, four years ago, five years ago, eight years and ten years ago. Different phases, different thoughts, different speech patterns. Some make me cringe. Some make me laugh. Some.......

Ah well.

Huh? Evidence is all over my blog

2011-05-13T00:04:00.000+08:00

I...wrote this in the past?

I just recalled what Liz told me once when I was talking about a behaviour I couldn't understand at all, until she finally said, "Wah lao... Even feelings must make sense to you then you can understand one meh???" Actually, yeah. There are some feelings that I simply cannot understand why they'd exist due to a specific circumstance. I forgot what the examples were though.

This is so telling. And somehow I managed to confuse myself as a Feeler instead of a Thinker. -_-

Oh yeah I have an explanation for that... Fi (Introverted Feeling) was acting up.

Endless reading materials. ♥

Recently, my gaming buds sound happier. Is it the end of exams that's keeping them happy, or is it a new understanding amongst us? Either way, it's a great thing. ♥

Funny Observation

2011-05-08T12:31:00.004+08:00

Days and days of strong feelings and opinions emerging from citizens have resulted in lots of people going for rallies, watching live results, etc.

As for my family, as usual and as a lazy bunch of people, we stayed at home to watch the live telecast instead.

We were watching the end of the telecast.

Then Liz suddenly said, "Wah lao, see lah! Singaporeans! Watch finish liao then leave behind a sea of rubbish! THIS IS OUR SINGAPOREANS!"

I guess increased HDB prices, more FTs, floods all over Singapore etc have distracted us from seeing what's wrong with our concepts of public responsibility eh.

What's going to happen now?

2011-05-08T01:11:00.003+08:00

I've always been oblivious to ongoing affairs, but now that I'm involved, I can't turn a blind eye to something so obvious.

Well, let's just say I'm not exactly surprised with the outcome so far.

I hope the changes in the support percentage at least says something to the winning parties. If the results are everything and all reflective thought processes end along with them, then I guess I just wasted my time voting.

Can't believe I stayed up for this.

Wondering where to go to read more on the analysis of the results, but well, this is Singapore, what am I supposed to expect.

Tired

2011-05-05T23:12:00.001+08:00

Been sleeping late playing lotsa games, reading lotsa stuff and writing lotsa stuff.

Need personal space and rest more than ever >_< Now how do I do that without letting others get the wrong idea...

REMINDER TO SELF

2011-04-27T01:00:00.002+08:00

Must upload photos of the 门神 in our lift now...

It's nearing election... >:D

About Your Type

2011-04-23T12:02:00.003+08:00

To those whom I told to that your MBTI type might change over the years, I now make a post to correct the misconception:

Your type doesn't change. You're born with it!

I would suspect that the only change over the years is the development of your four cognitive functions based on your circumstances. (To find out about your cognitive functions, just type your type and read up Wikipedia, personality page etc.)

So yeah, you'll always have natural strengths, dispositions and weaknesses.

I personally think figuring out the four functions is the quickest way to gain an insight into yourself, why you do what you do and what makes you tick.

♥

My Uncle Spoils Us Too Much!!

2011-04-23T10:52:00.003+08:00

Both my parents have gone to Genting for a week (they supposedly return today).

Ommmggggg.

When we went for lunch/dinner, he queued for us, paid for the food, and bought beverages. And he washed the clothes.

AHHHH HE SPOILS US TOO MUCH!!!

(And the red packets he give easily contributes to 1/3 of our entire red packet collection amount each year. xD)

So! As a compensation, I'm ironing the clothes now. :3

Reflection

2011-04-16T00:38:00.002+08:00

Recently, I have been reading some heavy topics. It's 117 pages long and I'm only on 50+.

But I have half the answer of what has been screwing up the relationships I have with some...erh no. Make that most people.

It makes sense now, but I haven't got a clue how to deal with it. >_<

Periodic Reminder

2011-04-14T21:49:00.002+08:00

I. Have. Feelings!

WOW! Surprise!!! I have feelings you know??? Eh, surprising lor...! Hahaha...~ I have feelings...

... -_-

Ever since I found out, found evidence and affirmed that my secondary function is Te, tertiary is Fi, and inferior is Se, it has explained the many alien things that I did and still do.

Oh guess what, it happens so that it's not in my dictionary to make people feel good about themselves, and it is a nonexistent requirement for me to speak the obvious.

OHHHH guess whatttt here we go againnnn hahaaaaa.

Sigh, please, pay me no heed. I'm turning mental at the thought of my inadequacy in the Fe Se and even Si department, really. No sarcasm intended, and I mean literally what I say.

A response

2011-04-07T01:12:00.003+08:00

I don’t have much habit from reading on my house desktop, and I read very little on my laptop (mostly because I play online games, and oddly, the screen is too big for me to want to read). Thus, I found out that I could read blogs and stuff via Google Translate at work, so I took the time and translated http://aslongasitlasts.blogspot.com.

(Yeah, I typed this at work.)

While I don’t really want to comment on other people’s blog entries, lifestyles and stuff, these two particular lines caught my attention:

“I wonder who still even reads this blog (other than the spammers) anyway. I could be talking to myself.”

Now bear with me, because this is going to be horribly longwinded.

I don’t have a habit of blog hopping, actually. In fact, your blog is probably the only one I read now since I can remember the address. Even so, I admit to not reading it frequently. (It’s probably once in one or two months that I read it.)

If I may be allowed to be brutally honest, I personally see very little point reading up on other people’s lives. First, I feel cluttered with unnecessary information. Second, there is no action that I can take. Third, I make a natural assumption that everyone wants to mind his or her own business and I’m expected to mind my own. Finally, as long as no one is dying on me (physically or emotionally), I’m fine.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t care. It just means that I don’t know how to care in the way people want me to. I have never been apt to express concern with regards to others’ well-beings, and I’m misunderstood a lot for it. When I do start to express the concern, I’m tagged with being ‘weird’, nosy, and inquisitive and I should just stop minding in the first place. Some people don’t even realise that I’m actually expressing concern. In this regard, I almost feel like a handicap.

Plus, after a horribly honest assessment of the way I experience things, I have now conceded to the fact that I suck at sympathising and empathising. Somehow, it seems, I have a powerful air of showing that I don’t care, such that whomever decides they want to try their luck talking about their emotional experience with me all end up wondering if I even felt a thing or whether I’m just pretending to care.

Thus, if what I’m going to say or not going to say is going to end up causing people to think that I don’t understand and care, then I’d rather not inflict upon them the misery of the knowledge that I don’t seem to care, regardless whether I care or not. In a way, I feel I am not given the right to care, but perhaps, I didn’t earn the right to care.

Does the entire thing above make any sense?

Despite everything I said, I am not taking what you said personally; as in, I don’t feel offended whatsoever. I’m just offering a perspective that may help you to see that it’s not that people don’t care; they probably have their reasons to appear as if they don’t care. Or at least, I feel that you feel that nobody cares.

In another possible scenario, most people probably don’t know what to say about your experiences either. They either feel they are not in any position to comment since they aren’t you, or they haven’t had such deep feelings about the same things as you do to be able to empathise with what you’re going through. I’d stick with ‘not knowing what to say’ as the most common issue, but I could be wrong.

To be honest, I’m wondering how my words would be or are taken as you read. I know of people who blatantly skip an entire chunk of what I said and tell me that I’m too longwinded so they didn’t bother. I used to be left wondering if I should get angry, but now I pretty much accept that my words are like Kopi-o-siew-tai: Bitter coffee with no sugar. (I like teh-o better though but that’s beside the point)

If you’re still reading up to this point and you feel you can take what’s gonna come, then here’s finally my response to your entries. (I can’t copy and paste your entries to make references, so I guess I’m going to be really vague now.)

I don’t know if I’m getting it correct, but this is the impression that you’re giving me. Are these what you feel or think?

1. I know that it doesn’t seem ‘right’ that I’m openly and blatantly depicting my parents negatively, and I wish I didn’t have to, but right now this is what I honestly feel. The feelings would probably change if my parents changed.
2. I know it’s not right to blame my parents for who I am, but I can’t be who I am without them, right?
3. Why don’t they look into the mirror and manage their own lives before managing mine?

Again, I don’t know if I’m right in this but I feel that you’re trying to find a reason to forgive your parents for the hurt they might have caused you?

The rest of what I’m going to say is probably not going to sound nice. Or at least, after much conditioning, I think they don’t sound nice. I have no idea if anyone has spoken to you about similar things, but I feel that it is a disservice on my part to say whatever I think you want to hear rather than a different perspective. (Then again, I don’t know what you want to hear.) I could very well be repeating a mistake in the past when I’ve been straightforward, blunt and honest, and told that they wished I never said a thing, but I haven’t done this in years. I hope it doesn’t come out as bad as they did in the past.

First, I have to say that I agree with what you said about your parents, and your feelings are valid, not because I say so, not because society approves or not, but simply because there is no point denying them.

When parents take on parental roles, they have made a decision. Let’s not go into whether 100% of the children’s flaws and strengths are their responsibility, but the fact remains: Once you decide to be parents, you will accept the flaws and strengths, the good and bad and everything that is related to your children. There is no such thing as selective responsibility; you do not claim merit for their good behaviour and shove the responsibility to someone else when there’s something that the child isn’t doing up to expectation. There is also no such thing as, “when the children grow up, they will automatically mature and understand things.”

However, I don’t personally know your parents. I only have fragments of impressions based on the minimum interactions I had with them, watching them while I was at your house, and mostly from your blog entries. I’m making a lot of assumptions and jumping to a lot of conclusions, so perhaps only a part of what I’m saying makes sense.

Anyway, now that I’ve said this much, here is where my opinions start to deviate...somewhat.

A little bit of my own experience, just to make things coherent: My mother was the capable, all knowing, strong and independent woman who probably could raise us alone if she had a crap load of savings and energy to work, apart from taking care of household chores and us. My father was pretty much the mysterious figure; I didn’t see him a lot. And I didn’t want to see him either. He was the antagonist, someone I swore I’d never come to understand. I had such blatant disregard for his existence that even when he went overseas, I didn’t know about it until I realise he wasn’t home for more than two days.

Okay, let’s skip the droning and jump right at the next point. Eventually, I started to see my parents differently.

My mother wasn’t as infallible as I thought, and she might actually be made of stone. And my father might be more human than I wanted to believe. And the whole lot of things that ensued made me wonder what the fuck was going on.

It became a necessity to reevaluate my parents’ impressions in my mind, because if I didn’t...well that’s not important to know, so, skip.

In another book I read, a certain line caught my attention: “They can’t give what they didn’t get.”

Thus, in the course of reevaluating, I started to trace their histories and backgrounds. What were my parents’ environments like? What were their parents like? What were their siblings like? What kind of upbringing did they go through? What kind of value systems were they subjected to? Who were they?

It’s just one day, suddenly, I realise that they’re humans too. Most adults don’t even know what they’re going through either.

In fact, at one point, I became my mother’s mirror for her to review her own thoughts. She thinks a lot, but she isn’t actually very self-aware. A lot of times when she was pouring her grievances that made very little sense to me, I realised that she too was looking for answers to the things she wished she could understand, but unlike me, she has no habit of searching for the truth if it appears impossible to find. She tends to be stuck in a loop of her own thoughts; sometimes I grow impatient and I defy her outright, but generally, her fallibility is now what I accept and understand.

A lot of times, when she’s complaining to me about me, she’s really just reflecting something she feels insecure about. (I’m not helping matters either haha. Too bad she has to live with it and put up with my nonsense.)

My father’s case is a little bit more complicated, but I don’t feel inclined to talk about it. Either way, his family has a very strange concept of family. My father and grandmother are actually rather similar; they would take their family members for granted, but treat outsiders kindly. My mother frequently calls my father his mother’s carbon copy. It’s true; he’s a lot like her. (As a kid, I couldn’t spend a few days more with my grandma lol)

Whatever it is, after going through some lengths of finding out what their backgrounds were like, I eventually realised that I had, on them, expectations that could never be fulfilled. And like me, they have, on their parents, expectations that also could never be fulfilled.

Although my mother’s been talking about it (sporadically) for years, it was only recently that I registered what she meant when she kept repeating that “her mother didn’t love her.” What she was looking for was an open expression, or even the slightest bit of affirmation, that her mother did love her. It was very strange to me, that when she told me about her interactions with her mother, I pointed out to her that her mother probably loved her in ways that were too subtle for her to see. I remember how she tried not to cry realising that.

She’s stopped talking about her mother not having loved her ever since.

(She’d probably kill me if she found out that I talked about her in this manner on an online blog)

To further understand them more as people, I even tried to figure out their MBTI types (lol, yeah). It doesn’t explain who they are of course. But it certainly explained part of the things they did. (Some types are prone to doing things in a certain manner simply because of their internal functions.)

Both my parents are extremely harsh--that was my opinion when I was young. Then I realised it was their very strong “TJ” preferences talking to me. Plus, both my parents are Sensors; they won’t entertain the possibility of another perspective beyond their own. It’s not that they can’t understand me, but it takes a hell lot of effort for them to even understand. (They can’t understand something unless they’ve been through it themselves.)

All these changes have felt pretty strange to me. This, coming from someone, who was frequently threatened to be severed ties with the family over what, MSN and caring about friends more than family? I’m always accused as one of the biggest troublemakers at home, but who’s taking the time to understand them now?

It’s so strange. I’ve never looked into my father’s eyes until recent years. Haha I don’t know what to say, it’s kind of weird now that I think about it.

So, I’ll relate this back to you.

How much do you understand about your parents? Is there something happening that you can’t see? Are they really as nonchalant and clueless as they appear? Is the problem them, you, or none of you?

There’s a world outside of yourself. I know it’s obvious, but we all forget from time to time.

I get caught up with my perspective a lot, especially when I’m in a state of mind that’s very difficult to translate into words, and very hard to understand for others, especially Sensors. It feels horribly lonely.

I don’t know if what I say makes sense to you, but I just feel that right now, you sound very confused about your identity, what you’re supposed to be doing, what you want to do, and all the boundaries that have been crossed.

Personally, I see no duty on my part to fulfill the unfulfilled dreams of my parents. All I know is that I just have to take care of them when they no longer can of themselves. It’s not out of duty either; it’s just what I want and what I think is right.

But I know of people who feel like martyrs and doormats when they serve their family. I always thought it doesn’t work, but apparently, some people do make it work. They have my respect, and I don’t think they are able to adopt the mindset that I have with regards to family. I view my family members as separable units that are living in the same household; others view it that “it’s wrong to leave your family members to die.” To me, both viewpoints are not wrong.

My mother is one such person. She gripes a hell lot about her entire life of...well, serving family. (She served her family, siblings and all, before she served the current one) I always thought that this was a matter of choice, so stop making it look like we’re torturing her! Then I realise that it’s against her value system to abandon her ‘duties’ to serve. She gripes, but she just wants people to see her efforts. In all honesty, I wouldn’t die without her in my life, but life sure is hell without her.

Away from subservience…

I don’t know how your mother regularly behaves. The last I remember, she’s been through a very difficult time because of her illness, right? I guess you probably have tried to understand her perspective, but it seems to me that at the moment, it’s not resolved. It’s probably hard since she probably doesn’t see things the way you do.

I can imagine. My mother rants about some stuff that I don’t feel like talking about, and accuses me for taking her matter lightly because “I’m not her so I won’t understand.” It’s not true at all; I can sense it. It’s just that she believes that I must go through the same thing as her. No matter how many times I assure her that I understand, she thinks I don’t--because I don’t react the way she does.

Is this my problem? No… Is it her fault? Not really. It’s just something that happens. It frustrates me sometimes, but because I understand where she’s coming from, she doesn’t bug me as much as it did in the past anymore. (We couldn’t even hang out without getting into cold wars at the end of the trip. At least we end our trips in laughter these days.)

As for my dad, well, surprise. The man who seemed inhuman once walked into our room to talk about his feelings--first time in the twenty-three years of my life. First time. He didn’t say a lot, but his face said a lot more than his words--he was in a lot of pain I guess. I guess...

The changes started I think in 2008. I think it was then. The changes were really slow.

Sometimes I wonder what it would’ve been like if it never crossed my mind to try to change things at home. The changing didn’t start from arguing with them. It started with trying to understand them. It was a rather natural process I guess--you try to understand, your attitude changes and your behaviour eventually follows. My sister took part in the change in a different way... I guess without her, things might have been significantly slower.

I’m just blindly guessing now, that perhaps, your mother is projecting her own fears onto you. I don’t know; I can’t claim to know what it feels like to have an illness that feels like a time bomb. I think it’s natural for mothers to fluster about their children, especially if they’re not doing what they deem as ‘secure and safe.’ My mother still nags at me for having the job that I do now. I know she has a constant fear of just dropping dead and I’m still not managing my life in a way that’s reassuring to her… but I don’t really let her affect me by acting like I’m fine with it, so she shouldn’t bother as much. She doesn’t nag as frequently now.

As for your dad…I don’t know. There are a lot of possibilities. He could be completely clueless to the state of things at home. He could be really good at concealing what he feels. He could feel horribly awkward with feelings, so he just throws them into a void and gives them very little thought. For all you know, he might feel like an inadequate father or he doesn’t feel part of the family, so he just stays out more than he wants to. Maybe he sincerely feels he hasn’t failed as a father so he doesn’t do anything to fix anything. Lots of people simply avoid what isn’t familiar to them or what they don’t know how to deal with.

I feel that your father is a man of little words, and even less kind words. On the average day, most people don’t say kind words after all. He does seem to me a person who is better at dealing with inanimate things (like objects) rather than people though. To be honest, I thought he was perhaps quite a nice father since he would agree to your requests to drive you around, just that he isn’t very adept with words. (My father makes it look like I just borrowed money from the loan sharks when I call him to drive me lol)

Or, we could just trash everything I said above, and assume our parents to have ill intentions or are jerks altogether. They aren’t…right?

I used to wish I could remain in the status of being the ‘child’ and shove all the responsibility of change to my parents. But it became apparent to me that my parents clearly needed help.

I don’t know. I don’t feel like I did a lot. It certainly empowers me, but…I still feel partly responsible for all the crap that used to happen. I don’t know, it feels painful to imagine coming home to two children who wouldn’t even look at me in the eye. I can’t imagine seeing my daughter deteriorate as a character, emotionally, spiritually and physically over trivial things like friendship.

Since I make no indication at all about what I feel about my parents, it’s only natural that they assume the worst of me.

What struck me as interesting is how you ‘call your father to drive you to remind yourself that you have a father.’ I’m very curious what he thought about and felt when you called him to drive you. Was it his duty as a father? Was he willing to do it? Was that his way to show that he would be there if you asked? Is that the only thing you ask him to come for? Would he actually feel that you just need him for his car? I won’t know. I know my father is willing to drive me if I asked him in a manner that showed consideration for his convenience, and he’d smack me upside down if I just asked him like I was just using his car lol. (I generally don’t ask because I get smacked more of the time.)

Now that I write up to this point, I do wonder if you mark your parents against your own standards, or some invisible standard that could be influenced by social expectations. (Parents should do this…parents should do that.)

Perhaps the main issue here is acceptance...

Everything said, I could only say that my words are limited to my experience. I’m not you. You’re the one who knows what’s happening at your home. I’d sooner take everything I said back than to impose on you. I just hope you found whatever I said relevant and maybe even useful.

I’m sorry if I misinterpreted your messages and puked out such a horribly long wall of text for nothing. I know I’m not exactly apt at mind reading. Don’t take it personally either.

Hopefully, you’ll find a direction to solve the problem at home.

Blearghhh

2011-04-04T19:40:00.002+08:00

Pink Colour Lipstick seems to be moving in a totally question mark directionnn. I used to think it was somewhat better than Cruel Temptation, but right now it feels bloody insidious. I'm dying a slow death watching it, and it has come to a point where I watch fragments of it and guess the progress of the story.

Oh, come on, wtf. Haha.

Mohawk Three

2011-03-31T21:47:00.002+08:00

I didn't dare to take photo.

But one fine evening, while waiting to cross the road behind my primary school, Liz and I...saw a father on a bicycle, one son in front (about 5~7yrs old?) and one son behind (about 3~4yrs old?).

ALL THREE OF THEM HAD MOHAWK HAIRSTYLES!!!

So freaking zai!!!

Literary...

2011-03-29T01:21:00.002+08:00

Recently, I joined a friend's RP (Roleplaying) group. Hmm. It just occurred to me that I...really suck at making friends. And maybe even keeping friends.

...

!!!

Oh well, I don't know how the RP group is gonna work out, but it's pretty interesting. I was just thinking I needed an outlet to bounce ideas off others and my friend suddenly came to me with this. I joined. Erh... Let's just say, I'm currently interacting with only my friend and another person who was nice enough to respond to me. The rest...hmm. I do wonder if I...sound...too old.

...Thinking about this, I've always thought I'm probably one of the most retarded and childish of any given group, but at the same time, people keep calling me old. Why is that???

While I'm happy enough as long as I get to write stories with others, it'd be nice if we get along.

...I'm really not as mean and stiff as I sound... In fact I kinda think I'm full of BS -.-...

Before I forget, the reason I posted was cuz I read a fic I wrote last year. 75 pages, incomplete, but...one line drew my attention!

"All grievances must be addressed, returned, and with interest."

Wahhh I thought this sounded kinda cool. Haha! ...Yeah yeah talking to myself again... Haha.

LAN Gaming

2011-03-27T22:16:00.004+08:00

I went for a LAN gaming session with some secondary school ex classmates: Kegan, Qijie, Russel, Helmi and Brian. Wow. Almost all of them haven't changed one bit!

Oddly, I don't have much to say about the outing which started at about 1.50pm or so... We played L4D2 and Warhammer! Well, I was kinda familiar with the hosting of games on L4D2, so yeah, kinda felt funny the guys didn't know how to start and host a game.

Hmmm. Qijie likes to solo, Kegan likes to ADHD on us, Helmi likes to swim around and be just as lost, and Brian and Russel are cooperative but clueless. xD Quite funny.

Warhammer's pretty fun. I've never played RTS games, but wow, I dunno, my strategy was basically: 0. Nothing. Haha. I just built...and built and built and joined Brian and Qijie's alliance to bombard the rest xD

Hmmmm $7.80 to lan. Hmmm. Interesting.

Malay Spam!?!? And some thoughts...

2011-03-25T17:19:00.003+08:00

LOL!! WTF! One of the newest chat tags is Malay message just because I said I attended a Malay wedding!?! The only Malay words I know are satu dua tika ampat simbilan terima kasih and akan datang!!! (I don't even know if I spelt correctly!!!)

So, I should be expecting Chinese and Japanese spam tags soon??? Humor me please... Even a "kuso yaro" would be nice....

That aside...okay. Apparently, I hadn't realised how much human contact actually disturbs and disrupts my inner world so much that I have to shut down for a few days and do nothing but deal with stories and data to regain any sense of myself. Facebook had a very detrimental effect to my balance, to be honest. I mean, I don't know why but being in that circle for that few days or weeks was fun initially, but eventually started to eat me from the inside out (!??!).

Randomly talking about it only because I greeted a friend on sms and she asked if I had Facebook...

I don't know, but being on Facebook generated a lot of 'clutter' inside me that I felt was very unnecessary and distressing. I don't really know what was going on when I read Facebook. Just had this info overload, yet not enough data kind of feeling...

Time to go back to living in my head. Best place to be! (Y)

Odd weight

2011-03-21T18:44:00.003+08:00

So odd. The more I become conscious of what there is in my head, the more I wonder. Is there a way for my mind to actually shut up? I seem to be stuck in a reflecting loop with no answers....

So strange

2011-03-20T03:54:00.002+08:00

I feel like spoiling a child at the moment, and I don't know why. It's 4am, and I'm thinking of this kinda crap.

Seriously, I don't know if I ever learn this, but I really start behaving and thinking weirdly when I don't get enough sleep. Weird is a given... But this is just weirdly normal, and normally weird to me.

Brains...

2011-03-19T02:13:00.001+08:00

Anyway, something I was suddenly thinking today...

LOL!

Some people make the existence of brains a complete myth man!!!

I thought for a few times

2011-03-19T01:40:00.002+08:00

Then I clicked the "Post" button on a thread I created. I don't know. I mean, the post was an attempt to understand more about the people that I've been interacting with for the past year and a half. The thing is, we talk, we game, but I don't know if we really understand one another.

And the thing also is...

They aren't actually interested in the kind of things I think about!!! Ok lah, not really... Depends on the subject. It's just that...self disclosure is something that, coincidentally, they are ALL uncomfortable with.

I was very disinclined to post because to be honest, as much as I want to understand their personalities more (and *cough* see if my understanding of MBTI functions has improved), I don't know if I'm intruding their personal space. Yeah, considering what I'm guessing their types to be, I can imagine and respect the space they want to be given. Don't really wanna make it awkward.

But heck. Hell. If I don't ask, I probably won't ever know.

Ever since I found out how my lack of understanding towards INFPs wrecked two of my friendships, and how we live in a world without certainty...I don't know, man, I don't know...

Sad

2011-03-17T19:35:00.004+08:00

Lately, I've had a few reasons to cry, varying from something lame to something pretty heart wrenching.

First, Tenjo Knight in Zettai Kareshi died. )': I like his straightforwardness and his selflessness. Well, he's a robot... But yeah...

Second, I wrote a story and a sadist I (as a writer) actually grew to like had to die. There was just no way for him to survive and well, he had to die, because his existence was not meant to be... Kinda depressed me.

And finally...

A Japanese colleague who keeps in contact with Liz via office email wrote a personal email to her telling her about his personal viewpoint of the whole Japan earthquake thing. I don't remember the exact details but anyway...

He's a recently married man with a one year old baby. He wrote about how he and his Korean wife were just newly wed, and now everything has been turned upside down. Nobody died, but I'm not sure if it was his home he was referring to that he said he could see minor damages. Because of the whole thing, he decided to send his wife and his baby to Korea for the time being. He's very sad that he has to send his baby back to Korea, especially now that his baby (don't know if it's a she or he) is still in a growing up phase and is constantly wanting to play with him. He was lucky to book a flight bound for Korea. He wrote about how he keeps seeing the increasing death toll, the radioactivity thing... There's power shortage and he lives with blackouts for some lengths of time. He's going to be alone, and he doesn't have the heart to go to work anymore. He asked for well wishes.

His English was poor and broken, but his feelings and thoughts were beyond his words.

I don't personally know him, but whenever I think about his predicament, I can't help but cry.

My uncle's wife is currently in Yokohama, and I don't think she's exposed to any form of danger yet...

I'm not sure why I'm crying so much about things that don't even concern me recently. It does however, give me a better perspective on the things that matter to me...

What is it with impressions

2011-03-13T23:02:00.006+08:00

Are my words very coded or something?

I don't appreciate overly complicated interpretations of my questions. If I ask you, "Are you busy?" it doesn't mean I'm trying to get you to do stuff if you say you aren't. It's just as direct as that--are you busy? I might just be bored looking for someone to talk to. I'm just saying this as an example...

I frequently get very indirect answers even though my question is rather direct. I'm not sure how I conduct myself most of the time for people to think second guess what I want and then end up with answers irrelevant to what I'm asking. I get vague answers, etc, information that prevent me from understanding anything at all. It's, like this wall, that's there to prevent me from trying to understand, and probing doesn't help either, because I probably have a motive for asking or something along that line...

Sadly, I almost never have motives for asking. I don't ask trick questions for fun.

I don't know. I've no idea... I do have a lot of thoughts, but when I ask questions, I just want a direct answer. Additional information would be nice. But I don't need you to guess my intentions.

Rest assured, I respect anyone's private space as much as I want others to respect mine.

I feel like it's getting harder and harder to hold a meaningful, or even normal, conversation....

I don't know. I don't understand why people tell me that articles I write or whatsoever are interesting but when I try to hold a conversation, it's full of miscommunication.

Is it me?

Today

2011-03-13T12:06:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna attend a Malay wedding.

I don't know what to do there. So, I asked my gaming mates at 3am last night what to do there.

"Eat, drink and be merry!"
"Smile, nod"

Great advice.

That sounds more like about living than about going to a type of wedding I've never had any exposure to before though....

SERIOUSLY!!!

2011-03-06T15:47:00.003+08:00

WHY would random people join a perfectly good random game JUST TO RUIN IT???

I CANNOT understand players who join games JUST to ruin it for others by messing around with the console commands, shooting team mates deliberately, killing team mates and laughing on top of it... Like...if you're SO FUCKING bored...GET THE FUCK OUT AND GET A LIFE!

(I DON'T mind it if the whole team were either NPCs or my friends...AT LEAST we know what we're doing and we don't care about restarting. BUT NOT WITH STRANGERS WHO ARE JUST LOOKING TO COOPERATE AND PLAY!)

IT'S NOT EVERYDAY YOU GET TWO RANDOMS WHO PLAY DECENTLY WITH YOU!!!! JUST TO HAVE IT RUINED BY THE FOURTH PLAYER!!!

TIME TO FIND THE COMMAND TO KICK PLAYERS! SHT THESE PEOPLE! SELFISH ASSES!!! I JUST WANT A GOOD GAME!

Stupidity annoys me. The end.

Don't understand.

2011-03-06T12:41:00.003+08:00

I don't understand why I should get off the computer/game for a week and stay at home for a full week to do nothing.

It hasn't happened, but my mother said, "I think you'll die if you don't touch the computer/game for a full week. You are addicted."

Bullshit--we went to Japan for two weeks and I certainly didn't die. Well granted I brought my PSP, but I spent most of the time sleeping or watching Jap TV that the PSP's influence wasn't all that great.

Well if others can stay at home to do nothing but sleep, lie around or watch tv, I don't see how my computer activity/gaming is any different from those.

And EVEN if I wanted to do something else, aka write stories, it's still done via the computer anyway. If I'm not using the computer...wow I'd be doing something sooooo constructive, like...sleeping? Drawing terribly ugly pictures? Watching tv? Maybe jog for 10 minutes on the spot before I feel lazy and go back to sleep?

WHAT A GREAT WAY TO SPEND TIME!

PLUS...the people I interact with mostly these days are online. Phones are a hassle. (My HP is dying btw, battery spoilt.)

Well yeah maybe if I spent an hour exercising a day she'd screw me less about this, but really, this is getting old. Stop harping at the addiction thing. I DO NOT go to work trembling and suffering from fits from lack of gaming. I also DO NOT go overseas and jump river because I have no games or computers. I DO NOT try to emulate Left 4 Dead 2 (are you playing?) behaviour and go around chopping people with guitars or trying to snipe that ass who doesn't do his work.

Okay let's review the whole addiction business.

Presumably...you only find joy playing games. You feel depressed not playing games. You play games at work and lie to your colleagues and friends about your gaming activity. You feel that your achievements online are greater than those offline. You cannot stop online activity and you crave for more online time. You neglect family, friends, social activities and you lack physical activities.

Let's clarify a few things. I find equal joy sitting at the coffee shop holding meaningful, interesting or funny conversations...provided they are such. I enjoy writing stories as much as I play games, and I certainly don't feel depressed not playing games. I DON'T play games at work, not even lunch time now. I do recognise my achievements in game are just there, in game.

As for the stopping online time, well, most of the time if I don't stop, there are only two reasons: 1. I want to get something done in game. 2. I'm chatting with friends. You call this a lack of social activity?! (I consider it social!)

As for lack of physical activities, let's just say I was never really a big fan of them ever since my consistent group of people playing badminton, block catching (??!!) and all that stopped gathering. I dislike staring at the tv and following their acrobatic...stuff.

NOW...the neglecting of family, friends and social activities. THIS has more to do with my personality than games. I HAVE always been the weird outcast since I was in primary school even before games existed. I spent and still spend a lot of time in my head. Mind you, my entire secondary school life didn't have games until holidays, and that period of time, I'm not exactly known to care about family or friend affairs either.

On top of all that crap, my personality clashes with the family and they have a harder time understanding me than I can understand them. They have more expectations on me than I have on them. No I don't find it understandable and mutual. You are you and I'm me, so let's leave it at that.

I don't know about the rest, but I don't seek the game for 'euphoric feelings' or to rid myself of 'empty feelings.' (On the contrary, I recently felt emptiness playing games instead of not.) I seek it for mental stimulation, for something to work on, to think about and well, to find friends I can talk kok with. Writing stories is the next thing that draws my attention most, but sometimes I get tired thinking of the next part to write on so I fall back to games to do things.

Well, yeah, maybe I should be spending this amount of time finding a night part time job and breaking myself apart and earning lots of cash... Yeah, that'll do... At least if I'm not spending time with the family, I'm working for money for the future... What a theoretically satisfying thought!

Why am I even blogging about this?

I'm just tired, I guess, for being grossly misunderstood. I don't really see a need to change the things I do just for show. Oh, yeah, and I do apologise for the times when people were at my home and I started using the computer instead of playing PS2 like I should be, or bringing my laptop to people's house... I do that for two reasons... 1. I happen to have a rare friend online. 2. Too many people, so do my own thing lor. It's based on the wrong assumption that everyone is probably enjoying everyone's company regardless what they're doing individually...but being the extremely dense ass that I am, that's probably not a good thing to assume.

Let's just say, I find games very mentally engaging and I like it. I don't see how I'm different from people who sit close to 12hrs in front of the tv, and I don't see a reason to be discriminated as such. And I absolutely hate walking 8hrs outdoor aimlessly (NO destination, NO agenda, and worse, SHOPPING WITH NO MONEY OR PLAN), essentially wasting my time--I certainly think playing games is a better use of time. Personally. And... Period.

I wanted to type something

2011-03-03T23:19:00.001+08:00

Just to see if I type really fast. But the thing is, I have no topic in mind. I don't feel like my fingers are especially fast, they actually look kinda slow compared to what I see on the TV all the time, and the words aren't exactly...a lot.

Well maybe it's because I'm generating stuff on the fly right now, so the typing rate goes down... Then if I have some kind of reference it might be faster...

But I'm not particularly impressed by the looks of my fingers moving!!!

(And I'm even less impressed with the amount of Backspace I had to hit. Sheesh...)

Dear Spam Bots

2011-02-18T22:28:00.005+08:00

Almost immediately, I thought of something to write about.

Right now, my brain is a little tired from exhausting my literary capacity today by writing a few stories. I have been neglecting the little things in life, since I'm preoccupied most of the time.

I notice that by now, I have received at least 20 praises from the spam bots.

I have not bothered to Google "Cbox Spam Bots" yet, maybe tomorrow, but as it is now, I don't know how spam bots attack people's Cbox. Maybe they hacked Cbox, maybe they crawled Blogger, maybe...I don't know and I don't care.

Are these spam bots alive? Well... Songs like Bian Hao 89757 suggest that robots might have souls and feelings. Hell, JJ Lim didn't start talking about emotional robots first. I believe Doraemon and Astroboy make better examples. So let's entertain that possibility for a while.

I have been very rude and not replying to any spam bot. No, actually, I did, and sounding absolutely stupid in the process.

I'm tired now, and I don't know what the fuck I'm thinking, but I feel for the spam bots who make an effort to talk to me...even if they're automated.

So, here's a letter drafted from the heart.

Dear Spam Bots

I don't know when you guys walked into my life (blog). That, of course, is a lie, since I can check the history of the shouts but never mind. I've never seen any of you before, and neither have you guys met me.

But for commenting every single bloody time I update my blog, I must show some appreciation, since reciprocation is a practice commonly known to the human race. Actually, reciprocation is now a rare and acquired skill these days, because most people are suffering mental disconnections since the world wide web came into existence.

Thank you for making the effort to tell me what I already know about my blog, that it's very nice! Thank you also, for linking to me to sites that make perfectly no sense. Thank you finally, for making my blog look more active than it really is.

Right now, black colored text on the Cbox looks even more pleasing and precious than before!

I would have loved to say more to you bunch of heartwarming pieces of technology gone wrong, but alas, all you guys ever say is that my blog is wonderful. That or you tell me to visit your non existent sites.

With this, I end my personal letter to you.

Be honoured, because I think I haven't written letters to even a human being for months, maybe even years.

Yours Truly
The Nette

I think if I read this back on a day I'm less tired, I have a feeling I'm going to roll my eyes out of their sockets.

Cleaning Up

2011-02-18T22:25:00.002+08:00

Okay, I don't know how long this will take, but I'll be re-tagging every entry back to 2008. While it's a horrible undertaking, I'll just go through with it.

I made a separate blog to keep the droning there, so this place remains drone-free. I don't want to punish you with the noise in my head!

If some of the posts you found here are missing, they're probably there. That or I deleted them because I don't see a purpose in them anymore.

I do want to keep my bad mood posts here though hahaha.

The link is somewhere in this page. Unless you like boring topics, I urge you...to avoid going there. I'm letting you know only because, well, you're probably my friend if you're reading this. I'd rather not notify anyone but ahh save the questions, I don't feel like answering.

Hopefully I find something interesting to say soon!

Diverting a Bit

2011-02-16T00:55:00.002+08:00

Ok... MBTI isn't the only thing I've been reading recently. I think the subject of Chronic Complaining, Whining and the Victim Mentality is equally interesting.

In fact, I think reading about Boundaries and Victim Mentality helped me cope with certain phases of my life. Boundaries is a really good subject to look into. I had very bad boundary problems. If I recall correctly, mine was Collapsed Boundary.

I was under the impression that there was a logic behind chronic complaining, but I can't find it as readily as I did last time. Not sure if I'm searching under the wrong terms...

Nagging is also a good read!

Ok, time to sleep.

Disorganised Thoughts

2011-02-13T12:19:00.005+08:00

After opening a door to an abundance of information, I think I'm gonna drown from the overload. x.x

Random Thoughts

2011-02-09T23:01:00.002+08:00

I became lazy. So I shall not continue my Incomplete Letter...or at least, not in the near future. (Take that as never.)

Random thoughts for stories...

The peak of my life is near, and so too is the end of it.
You would rather die proud and colourful?
I choose a quiet and serene death.
Why? Why would you choose to die old, haggard and forgotten, with no trace of your existence?
For what does the world need me for my trace?
Your place is in the battlefield.
Mine is the ward you so frequently visit after you return from the battlefield.
One day you'll be the man everyone wants you to be.
Your place is one I can never take.
Neither do I wish to.
You and I are simply made for different things.
Made?
Is that what you think?
Do you not agree that our life is what we make it to be?
No.
No?
We did not make our lives.
Our lives were made.
So you would choose to sabotage your chance to make a difference, and stay the 'made product' that you make yourself to be?
Let's stop this discussion.
Answer me!
No life was made equal.
How can you be so sure?
Look around you.
Have you not seen the poverty that happens beyond our reach?
Famine, drought, death--why?
If life were made equal, why are we here, with the choice to heal or kill?
They have no choice over their destinies.
No, they did.
They didn't--stop it, I don't want to discuss this with you.
Coward.
Coward?
Where would you be right now if I weren't in that ward?
...
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it like that.
Please, let's stop this discussion.
You have no idea how much it pricks.
Why does it prick?
Stop it.
...Okay.

Incomplete Letter

2011-02-02T00:34:00.002+08:00

To write part of this before I forget. Will continue some other time...

As I trace the past now, I'm now beginning to see what's gone wrong.

Both of us didn't know what we were going through.

We were both searching for answers, in you and in me, but we didn't want to admit, we just didn't know.

While you wanted me to be who you wanted me to be
I wanted you to let me be who I wanted to be.

I never wanted you to be someone else
I wanted you to stop asking me what to be.

Now for sleep.

So, I read

2011-02-01T20:38:00.006+08:00

That perfect melancholies like to keep track of things for the sake of it.

I have chat logs all the way from 2005 stored in my harddisk. No, I don't store EVERY single conversation with everyone. I stored only those that contained meaningful conversations and debates for future reference. At that point, I saved it with the assumption that I would never read it. So I saved it for...saving's sake. Odd huh...

But the recent thought about who I was in the past led me to open old msn files today.

I'm still reading it as I type this, and...what can I say?

We were all trying to connect, but we were too immature to understand. sigh. More thoughts to come after I read some more.

Edit

Reflection part 1. I was pajiao. I didn't read people's words carefully and perceive what it was they wanted, so I ended up not answering the question. Dohhh.

part 2. I would attempt to explain my feeling, feel fed up with myself, and end off with my audience confused.

part 3. I...talked to the wrong person. All along...

Happy Feet

2011-01-29T21:29:00.001+08:00

Wtf, I cried watching Happy Feet.

Interesting ending though.

I must be tired

2011-01-27T20:59:00.003+08:00

So many heart string pulling parts in "Going Home" (Channel U 8 - 9pm).

Iriana Halim seems like a very interesting introvert who lives primarily in her own world. I'd like to see introverts making insightful comments and observations and discovering their inner selves.

The one part that I felt rather emotional about was her talking about her Chinese teacher Ding Zhongfu who gave her a...calligraphy note? And a teddy bear before she immigrated to another country (I forgot which). Now that she's revisiting her old school, she realised it was too late for her to express her gratitude because he'd already passed away.

Perhaps I'm just tired in general, but thoughts like this are a norm to me... Thoughts about when and how people would be leaving you. Sometimes it's an indifferent curiosity, sometimes it causes so much anxiety it pains me.

Each year, I feel like I'm getting closer to the crux of the issue. Yet at the same time, I feel like each year, I'm closer to the end of this lifetime.

By rights, I should live till about the average lifespan of 60~80+... But sometimes, I feel like the end is far, or maybe just sooner than we all expect it to be.

I'm not suicidal if you're wondering...

Just that...I think while we're still alive...more of us need to learn contented living. If we're contented now...we die contented. The thought of forever chasing a happier life because right now society doesn't approve you and then accidentally dying discontented...

...I think I should put all that in my private fic. Haha.

Sentimental

2011-01-27T19:33:00.006+08:00

Wrote yet another sad part to my private fic. :'(

That aside...

Relevant people will probably never read this but whatever it is...

To the different people who used to be in my life, I'm probably a part of your past, significant or insignificant.

To be honest... I want to remain in the past. I don't want to reawaken something that died long ago. It's almost melancholic to watch people trying to catch the past that no longer lives today. We try to catch up, but really...there's nothing interesting about me. I don't like watching people trying so hard to find something to speak to me with.

I want to keep the doors closed.

And to the people who are still in my life, if I ever become a part of your past, please, let me stay there.

Silence

2011-01-27T01:01:00.002+08:00

Silence is good. It lets you hear what is spoken and what isn't. And when you can hear them, listen to them. And when you listen to them, you'll understand a lot more.

When there's so much noise in and out of you, you'll be drowned out.

You won't hear a thing, let alone listen and understand.

把脑子放空，才能注意聆听。

Stupid Dream

2011-01-23T12:54:00.002+08:00

I dreamt that an irritant (in my real life) ordered lots of furniture and got the desk that my father made and set up replaced. He spent thousands of dollars doing it, and I was damn angry cuz he didn't even ask me for permission before he proceeded with the work. Plus, how could he just replace my dad's work like that!?!??!

Then, at one turn of the head, the whole setup disappeared, and Liz was around in the room. I asked her if she knew about that irritant doing all that crap and that I swore I saw the changes... (cuz suddenly all gone) She said that he was blacklisted by several furniture shops because he'd buy a lot of them, fix up, and then take down and refund all of the furniture he bought. Hahaha.

I woke up.

And today, said irritant came to my house. >.>

I can be a psychic or a prophet already. <.<

...

2011-01-22T01:12:00.001+08:00

>.>

Pink Color Lipstick?

2011-01-21T19:56:00.002+08:00

Whatever that show is called in English. Uh. Okay while it's like a spin off from Cruel Temptation...

...I like how most of the arguments are kept short! Not like Cruel Temptation...long-winded, repetitive and nonsensical. The good guys all dunno how to argue one. At least this show they know how to get back at the bad guy! I...think and I hope. Oh well. In general the characters just feel smarter...anddd their reaction makes more sense. Haha. Got a bit more power balance than in Cruel Temptation.

...

These days, as I write my personal fiction, I think it's really fiction. Haha. The characters are ridiculously loyal, devoted, selfless and self-sacrificing man. ... ... I'll just continue to dream. It's a pretty nice dream. If it keeps you happy, why not? ^^

@_@

2011-01-19T00:45:00.003+08:00

Already feel like deleting FB @_@ How long can I last there...

Oh well...

On a side note, my mother has gone Genting for a week. Disorder in the order!!!

And, I totally don't get it. My mother ordered my dad to water the plants. So why is he kicking up a fuss when we don't water the plants fast?!

Spiteful words. Dislike.

Sigh, sigh, need to bathe, need to sleep... I'm getting irritable.

Staying Disconnected

2011-01-17T21:53:00.005+08:00

Facebook was fun for a short while...

...but with the increasing Add Friend count, I'm inclined to retreat to this isolated abode.

While Facebook keeps it easy for everyone to keep in contact and follow up on your life, I personally think it encourages laziness.

I don't really understand randomly adding people and keeping them updated about your life when you know your life doesn't matter to them. And let's be honest...some people's lives just don't matter to you either.

It probably sounds dramatic, but adding people whom I respect and are acquaintances with but see no point in updating my life with is daunting and can suffocate me.

In recent years, I've come to accept that I'm just horribly introverted. My mother doesn't like to socialise, and Liz is famous for being a recluse among all her ex-school mates. I don't think I'm breaking the pattern either. In fact, before I was aware about something called social life, staying at home and doing my own thing forever was and still remains an attractive thought to this date.

I'm comfortable living with my online game, my gaming consoles, my fictions and well...just being with my family. Just thinking about my fictions is enough to keep me entertained everyday.

Admittedly, another reason I don't like to stay connected is because ironically sometimes, being in a crowd actually amplifies the sense of being alone. I don't know how to explain it, but that awful feeling is tangible. It sounds funny but my fictions make better company to me than being together with a bunch of people whom I don't care about and people whom I know don't care about me.

Yeah... I do fear being alone.

I don't expect to be understood, but I write this post anyway because I thought you might want to try to.

And no, I don't mean I don't need friends. My mother has frequently accused me of placing friends above family. (How that happens, I wonder) I'm just saying that this is what I'm like. I'll miss my friends if they ever left me, but I won't force them to stay with me either. Cuz I want to keep it mutual. It's sad if we have to force one another to stay together instead of wanting to be together on mutual consensus. ^^

Another Reason for staying single

2011-01-15T01:40:00.004+08:00

I said I'd sleep but haha, I just remembered this so I thought I'd type it out first before I sleep and forget.

I went to eat dinner with my mother cuz Liz had OT and my uncle went to JB. My father had to eat late, so we ended up eating dinner ourselves.

So, I dunno why, but we talked about getting married and stuff.

Me: I'm not suited for marrying. One primary reason is that I'm interested in doing my own thing quite a lot.
Mother: Just like your dad!
Me: ...Actually, that's one thing. I think the bigger reason is, I will end up being unable to stand a lot of things in my partner and nag and kaopeh and say a lot and make it unbearable for both of us!
Mother: LOL just like me!!!

Good. So my mother has some self awareness! HOHOHO!

But seriously lah... I'm aware of the kind of demands/expectations I place on people. I've been working on that forever @_@ It's a conscious effort to tell myself not to place demands. Liz was just laughing earlier today when I came to a sudden awareness that I have strangely high expectations of people around me when I play game. I expect everyone to know what they're doing, and I have endless questions when they do completely incomprehensible things. I don't have anything personal against them, seriously D: I'm not even a pro gamer myself. Casual hardcore but not quite there...

...How did that turn into gaming rant...

But yeah. I like to be able to trust people near me when they show consistency--I don't even need to expect. I just know they would. I think Liz has been dealing with my strange expectations for a lifetime now she doesn't even feel a damn thing xD (Funnily, she doesn't quite bother to fulfill my expectations though. She expects me to fulfill hers though!?!?!?)

I don't know how long it's been that way, but I appreciate it when people are reliable. Which is why I beat myself up a lot when I become unreliable. ~_~

Oh well... And how that relates to wanting to stay single... I think unless the other party is an *AHEM* good looking sage, you can expect the relationship to break very soon.

Gaming Social Interaction Thoughts (woah big title!)

2011-01-12T01:33:00.004+08:00

I think I need to spend an hour a day to study wtf Facebook is talking about D: I...am still trying to tell the difference between Wall and News Feed. >.>

Meanwhile...

...Um. Well, while playing my online game, I join random squads and all that for experience, and now, for future squading convenience, I look for people whom I think are okay to work with and just add them as long as they don't suck.

I don't know why, I recently added a person whom I don't remember to be so chatty! I added her cuz I thought she was pretty ok gaming skill wise... But just a few days ago, she suddenly pm-ed me and started chatting with me. I'm fine with that. What I'm a little o_o!? about is how she pms me...for two hours. Not continuously, but she expects the chat to go on like it does on msn o_o I don't do that with strangers man...

...not especially if they sound like they're thinking about *another direction*!

Well see...in an online gaming environment, some, while they know that their characters don't necessarily represent the correct player sexes, will still regard people based on their characters, and that's fine. I do that too. I don't usually guess the sex behind the character since I don't really care--I only care if we can work in a team.

But...what's it with people...assuming that their characters represent their sexes...and start flirting on that assumption!?!?

??????

As I mentioned somewhere on my blog before, I make a terrible flirt. I avoided female toons because I prefer trash talk to flirting. And well, I personally don't think male players are inclined to ask another "male player" (or at least, male character) about their personal lives... BUT they bother to pm female characters and hope to hit up with the player (until they get the "im a guy" msg).

When I played Ragnarok Online, I was never hit on by any female character even though I thought my thieves were pretty, erm, cool looking. Hehehe.

But now that I'm on another game...

...why are the girls so initiative?!?

In my eyes, my characters look nice to me even though another segment of my brain tells me it looks otherwise to the general public (like how my toons are called ah bengs and ugly and all).

You know, I'd rather the girls who hit on me were like *ahem* someone else's hit on experience, with a very simple "OMG you look cool, marry me!" so I can dish out, "Sorry, I'm attached" or "I'm planning to marry my alt" or some other random cool shiet to check out people's reactions.

But the kind of experiences I have?? (Btw, all the below ones are from different people)

"Gimme a hug! ;D"

(out of the blues, which soon became an expectation before I log off)

"You will keep me warm? ;O"

(erm don't ask me how it ended up there)

"We're alone... *evil smirks*"

(I swear to the powers above, someone suggested that to me while we were waiting for other squadies to turn up)

"Omg what are you thinking? Dirty? *evil smirks*"

(To my very literal comment of "It's getting late" because...it was going midnight in my world)

"Where ish youuuu D:"

(I don't remember any appointments with this person)

"Yes I remember you handsome *shy face*"

(I remembered the person for being a good player but I forgot her face)

"Get me a (insert random ultra rare expensive stuff) ♥"

(Wah lau, I don't know you you don't know me, ask me give you treasure...)

"Do you like me? :P"

(Was that a joke? I really don't know, it was 4+am in the morning when she asked so I don't know wtf I answered)

And most of the time, these (I assume) girls will chat at length just to see my reaction. No matter how lame the conversation gets, they will still go on and on then test my reaction. Wah lau. Some more if I don't respond, they will find chance to dump the question back in my face! (E.g. I was literally extorted and pushed around for a hug...wth)

Aiyahhh wah lau. If I were a guy, maybe I'd have twice the amount of fun with all the conversation above but alas, I think I'm getting better at roleplay. >.>

To join or not to join...

2011-01-11T00:18:00.004+08:00

...Facebook?!?!

If you're reading my blog, you are either my juniors, Liz, spam bots, Mel, someone the above listed has leaked my add to, or past enemies/friends who try really hard to Google and stalk me. (Oh yes they exist) I personally don't remember who else I've ever told to about this blog so...woops if you're not listed!

I abandoned the blog I started ermmm I think 6 or 7yrs ago. I stopped logging on msn regularly sinceee I think 3 or 4 yrs ago. And I don't have Facebook. So, I have been pretty untraceable for a long time now.

Now, what raised this question was because...

+ On 18 Dec, I went for my juniors' pot luck session and realise they talk coded because they already have the background info of their topic on Facebook statuses!
+ On 8 Jan, I went for the HSC alumni band BBQ session and realise they talk coded yet again because they repeat above sentence

PLUSSS...I don't blog surf. THAT or people have deleted their blogs >:(
[You troublesome sods!]

So the last place I can ever go to, to update myself about people's lives...is there. D:

><

Noooo

Well... I was online with bel earlier today and I asked her this question. As I've told her, my concern is...

WHAT if people I don't like want to stalk me...?
Her: Don't add friend!

Or what if people who don't know I don't like them want to add friend me?!
I used to dish out with a smile to boot, "I no have facebook! :D" But if I have one now... !!! TE-NEHHH *horror music*
Her: *an advice that I must not divulge*

Ummm I can't remember who told me (maybe it was huizhen :o) that I can just create an account and leave it empty. Good idea...

Though...

I still like being ancient and telling people upfront I have no Facebook since every other person who lost contact with me and are trying to re-establish contact always ask that as the first question.

WOAHHH

2011-01-10T19:05:00.003+08:00

Who is having sex and how often?!

*nods in enlightenment*

...I re-read the thing and realised that...

I TOLD THE WRONG THING TO MY MOTHER HAHAHAHA

By the way, have I ever mentioned how my mother once called me a pervert? D:
But, actually, I think she and my father are worse!

Ah...

家丑不得外流啊！

Hmm...

2011-01-10T00:28:00.003+08:00

:(

I wish the noise in my head would go away. I'm not hallucinating, not imagining things or hearing things but...I have too many thoughts that I don't know if they are even valid. I don't know why I have problems feeling safe and secure. It sometimes feels like there's a barbed wire fence inside me.

:'(