I feel so bad for ants

I was wondering why a whole trail of ants was playing catching in front of me below my keyboard.

Then I remembered a very important thing:

An empty cup that hosted rather sweet barley drink was left beside my mouse.

Holy bangsai.

I went to grab the cup and looked in--HOLY!!! The ants thought it was the best place for a holiday resort!

Liz, who absolutely hates having ants running all over our room (or house, even), unleashed upon them her wrath--by pouring some water into the cup.

...I watched ants float and struggle in the water.

Ohhhh myy goooddd I feeel so baaaadddd DDDD:

On a side note, anyone has any good ideas for getting rid of ants from the house? I really hate to have to be the mass murderer of ants =_=... (To this date, I still can't really bring myself to kill them. ._.)

The Difference Between Male and Female...

...orgasm.

NOW.

Before you tell yourself, "NOOOOO NOT ANOTHER OF NETTE'S DISGUSTING ENDEAVOURSSS" and shut yourself out from this wonderful piece of information...please, hear me out. Do not question why and how I stumbled upon this video.

What is most important is, it's a really good video.

Even Liz, who usually gives me the X_O face when I talk about questionable things, cracked up and laughed super loudly to this video.

Now, in all glory of the differences.



Amen.

AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

Teen Violence Recently

Recently, there are far too many pieces of news about teen violence.

I’ve only ever skimmed through the comments at Fit-to-Post (Yahoo! News). The most common responses are:

What are the police doing?
The police should go on more patrols.
There should be a curfew on youths.
Schools should educate the students.
Parents should educate their children.

I would be surprised if anyone making that statement thinks they aren’t echoing somebody else’s opinion, because anyone with any good sense would know that just about anyone can come up with those. Then again, we need these opinions so everyone who wants to bounce off the same kind of thoughts can just like their comments.

Then a whole bunch of people is guessing why teens are involved in violence.

Schools don’t give enough homework, so they end up roaming the streets.
Their parents didn’t watch out for them!
In my time, there was far less violence, so it must be video games.
Etc, etc

And the last type of responses is of people who are simply clueless.

I wrote a whole chunk of opinions and as usual, I got myself lost in a personal debate. It’s worth close to 5 pages on winword with Verdana 9 font type.

Anyway, here’s what I think the reason why teenagers are turning to violence is.

The main reason is…

Nobody cares.

Hell. Most of us don’t even know why the fuck we exist. We just know our parents were in the mood to bang and procreate. We are probably tokens of love between them both or something, accidents of a loose condom or an extremely powerful headshot on our fathers’ parts.

…But seriously. Much of life is progressing towards a depressing direction. Plagues, disasters, stress, rat races, competition…

The question is…why do we do what we do?

No matter how scientific some people want to make it sound, the reasons and motivations are emotional. We don’t experience life with logic…do we?

And since nobody really cares about anything these days…doesn’t it tell us that our children today are emotionally dysfunctional?

Is it really about the lack of police and the lack of law enforcement? Is it really the media? Is it really the school? Or is it our parents?

The question is, are our parents even emotionally functional themselves? Where did they come from?

…Again, who cares?

And so, we will observe this trend, and it will pass, only to be replaced by another depressing trend. Maybe the new trend would be men who find wearing bra a sport and women these days enjoy dating gigolos.

Tortoise and the Hare

Since I was young, I've never liked this story.

As far as I was aware, I internalised the story far more than I needed to.

My teacher fed us the moral of the story:
As the hare, don't ever be self-conceited.
As the tortoise, don't ever give up.

But I was always uncomfortable at the thought: What if the hare weren't self-conceited?

It's a no-brainer: The hare would have won the race.

On the same grounds, the hare would already have far more potential than the turtle. Until the tortoise's limbs turned into hot wheels, the tortoise would never go anywhere with what it had.

I discussed this with my mother, who tried to shut me and my philosophical pursuit up with this: "It's just teaching you about attitudes."

Yeah... Okay. I get the drift it's about attitudes. But... I'm still very disturbed that the teacher's conclusion was that we should all be the tortoise.

I can't believe I'm feeling very conflicted and overwhelmed as I think more about the subject. I probably should stop my entry here before I concuss from thinking over some childhood story.

Not So Bright Today

I accumulated 11 days of leave. Yeah, despite being a temp staff, I accumulated that much. I even used 2 half days, which equate to one day.

Today, the HR manager came to break a news to me.

Everything said, in summary, one girl in HR department messed up.

I am not entitled to the leave accumulation programme.

That girl, whoever she is, even kept a record of the number of days of leave I accumulated for one ****ing year before she resigned and before the rest of the HR department discovered this event conveniently labelled as a mistake.

Doesn't it sound exactly like POSB bank scam?

I got a tiny compensation for this one blunder. But seriously. I don't care about the compensation. I have subjected myself to this shortchange for two years now that everyone is completely mystified every time they ask me about my job.

This isn't the first time they give me one news only to round it up with "oops, our bad."

Last time, they calculated my pay based on the wrong rate. Then they broke the news to me, telling me how instead of the normal rate, they accidentally calculated based on OT rate. They took one month to realise it, and said they would deduct from my next month.

Fortunately, I don't spend all I have at hand, because the amount they slashed was enough for me to feel like I worked for free.

I think the HR manager felt pretty bad about the leave thing that she probably put in a word for me to get some form of compensation. I don't know. At least that looks like it. She's also been trying to get a perm status for me I think. No idea... I'm just floating around as it is.

Do I feel victimised? Partly so, but not rightfully. After all, this is all just pros and cons of the choice I made. I just felt like talking about it, so that my preoccupation with it would magically be transferred to the internet and I would forget about it.

The bigger reason why I feel annoyed, strangely, is that I come home, ready to flop on the bed to nap for 30 minutes (I have been struggling to stay awake while standing in the bus during the entire trip home)...when my mother shoved a mop in my hand and said because she fried fish, she's gonna have me mop the entire house.

I'm super annoyed, so I'm here blogging. No, I don't blame her for wanting me to help out with the housework. I barely do it anyway. It's just a bad coincidence that I had not a very nice day, I'm fighting fatigue and now I'm going to cut my life short for five years, which isn't exactly bad news but not that good a news either. I'm imagining that I've been left to my own misery without being understood.

It's kinda creepy even to me how sometimes the way I talk about my feelings is like I'm talking about Science. My eyes are just goddamned tired.

Now to get the fucking floor out of the way before I rest my eyes for a bit.

Continuation

I had wanted to blog straight after the previous post, but alas...I forgot what I was doing that eventually, I forgot to continue.

So, anyway, after the party, we went to McDonald's for a drink since the birthday cake was really damn sweet that we became thirsty. I think the amount we talked was enough to render our drinking useless.

I don't remember the content in its entirety. But the meeting itself means more to me than just another catch up. I think for us, we became aware of things, of things that help us all feel less alone and more understood.

To be honest, I've never had conversations quite like that, or at least, for the longest of time. It's so strange. How can we all agree with one another, and even more strangely, know what everyone was gonna say even before we say it, such that we can voice one another's thoughts more or less accurately? How do we manage to observe similar things?

I thought I had more to say. But I guess when I think about it, I can only feel the moment, and not so much describe it. Oh well.

And now, back to my reclusive habits. ^^

Wei Jun's 18th Birthday Party

Last night, I went for Wei Jun’s 18th birthday party at the Savannah Condo. Wow. I made one huge haunted detour around the private housing area, got barked at by random dogs and was stared at by creepy residents with soulless eyes. After one walk there, I think I was filming paranoia activity. (No, I’ve never watched paranormal activity)

So I eventually reached the event location. Tofu, spring onion and onion make the world go round!

Wow. Quite frankly, I have never in my life attended such an organised birthday party with programmes designed. It seriously freaked me out at the onset haaahahaha. If I remember right, the events were

+ Small performance by his childhood friends
+ Mini trivia about Wei Jun with six questions
+ Act out Wei Jun’s reaction
+ 10 randomly selected contestants to do a mini catwalk contest
+ A slideshow of Wei Jun’s photos and video clips of him
+ A lucky draw session
+ And the mandatory photo taking followed up by cake cutting

Hmm, I feel like I missed out something. Wow. I think they forgot to include book colouring contest!

Mini performance cracked Li Hong and me up all the way. (I think Jermain was laughing too. But then, right now, I think of him as the perma-giggly-man.) Sibeh funny. Their sincerity was most definitely felt, but the performance was just crack weed. Beat-boxing was very nice * . * By the way, my poly classmates taught me how to beat box. Repeat this: “Bu zi ka zi”

I cannot remember all of the six random questions anymore. Let me see.

1. What is Wei Jun’s favourite colour? Orange!
2. What are Wei Jun’s expressions of shock, happiness and being unsure? :O :D :S
3. What is his height and waist size? 171cm, I didn’t catch the waist O.O
4. How many times in a day does he call Hilary? 7~10 times
5. What are the terms of endearment he gives to Hilary? Baby girl and mama
6. What is his favourite toy? Dumdum or dumbdumb, whichever applies.

Wow, like that called cannot remember.

I don’t know who or what is dumdum, but do you want gumgum?

Anyway, the expression one was damn funny. Auntie Jane (Hilary’s mother) acted them out. I’ve never seen Wei Jun’s happiness expression before, but it was… … Okay, more like, it’s now mimic worthy. Jermain would be very happy to demo.

Now… While I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I’m very ‘weirded’ out by the fact that two eighteen-year-olds are acting like 老夫老妻 (old husband old wife). Hahaha. Personally, even if I were attached, I don’t think I’d ever enjoy people calling me honey baby sweetheart pooh pooh gaga. So, I was and still am totally alienated by the idea that junior one is calling junior two baby girl. But we think he has an ulterior motive for calling Hilary ‘Mama.’ His explanation is that because she takes care of him. Hah. You think we three years old easy to cheat meh. Remember to send us full month free cake to claim from Bengawan Solo leh. Best is every year for the next 11 years also have. I heard that they have already planned what they want. I don’t know what they want, but since they look very enthu, I think they probably want to make a soccer team.

Oh, another thing I find O_O?! worthy is that…

Wei Jun…calls Hilary… 7 – 10 times A DAY!?!?!?!?!

!??!?!?! ?!? !? ?! ?!

What does he talk about on the phone???

“Hello baby girl. I’m gonna hang up and call you again.”
“Hello mama. There! Where do I meet you for lunch?”
“Hello mama girl, I’ve reached canteen 1. Oh you’re at canteen 2? Never mind, I’ll fly there!”
“Hello mama baby, I’ve reached, where are you?”
“Hello baby girl, I’m going home. Want to meet up?”
“Hello mama, have you reached home?”
“Hello baby girl, the show has started! Let’s gossip about the show until it ends!”
“Hello mama, I’m going to sleep. NIGHT NIGHT MWACK KISS LOVE OOO”

Wow, that sounds totally whacked. I hope that’s not the actual thing. Hahaha.

So, we moved on to the next event. Auntie Jane’s task:

“How would Wei Jun react if he accidentally stumbled into the female toilet, or if he gets walked in by a girl in the middle of a business? The former happened before!”

… …

Well, if it’s the latter, and if the girl who walked in is Hilary, he might smile and say, “Would you like to join in?”

I don’t know man. Hahaha. Whoever was dragged up to the front to act was pretty convincing though.

Moving on to the catwalk contest… ARGHHH I’M SAD! I’M DISAPPOINTED! WHY!!! WHY DIDN’T HUI QIN DO THE CATWALK!!! IT WOULD’VE SATISFIED MY SADISTIC NEED TO LAUGH!!!

Whatever it is, I voted for the winner that Wei Jun picked out! I agree… He walks more with style! Mwahaha.

…The slideshow. Until now, the “Skype with Hilary” moments are still stuck in my head. I can so totally feel the horror if the faces there were mine. I mean. I mean, I don’t know what kind of things I do on a daily basis. It’s a, terrifying thought. The worst imagery stuck in my head is Wei Jun sitting sideways trying to reveal his ‘sexy legs’, except he looks more like he’s playing with rubber ducky in a bath tub. Those silly kiss faces weren’t even half as bad. I don’t know what kind of things Hilary was thinking. I seriously wonder if she was laughing in disgusted humor, giggling and calling him a hunk or giggling her innards out. Seriously don’t know.

(By the way, I just right clicked hunk and looked for synonyms: piece, chunk, lump, slab. To clear confusion, I went to dictionary.com. I’m not so confused anymore but…y’know.)

As for the lucky draw session, I…must say that of the whole thing, the most impressionable and funny thing that I remember from it was actually…Wei Jun’s beat boxing childhood friend.

Wei Jun: 182…
Friend: *grabs ticket in a dramatic fashion, hand trembling and eyes staring really hard at ticket*
Wei Jun: 4.
Friend: *releases ticket listlessly and ticket floats down smoothly*

HAHAHAHA he probably thinks no one saw it! But it cracked me up! What was damn ironic was, the one who won it was another guy sitting right in front of him! (Dunno if that guy was another childhood friend)

And so, the cake cutting and photo taking. I don’t remember what the incredibly long speech Wei Jun was giving was about, but he said one thing that Jermain, Li Hong and I started to gossip about:

“I’ve waited eighteen years for this day!”

…

Li Hong: So next year, he would’ve waited 19years?

That’s a really long wait, dude.

Ah. And on popular request, Wei Jun kissed Hilary. Wanna know my thoughts?

//WARNING M18// (Actually, unless you’re Emily, you probably meet the age requirement to read this)

Tsk. Bad kisser. Don’t just bash against her lah. Go Youtube, search for related subjects and you might bring a better watch for all of us. ^^

//END WARNING//

Then again, both sides’ parents were there, so maybe actually, they wanted to do the full 18 second TVCM of Wei Jun x Hilary, but alas, circumstances is such that…

…they don’t want Auntie Jane to film them and upload in the slideshow for the next birthday party!?

(Yeah, I could tell that she was really super excited about Wei Jun)

And so, we ate this super sweet chocolate cake. My suspicion is, Hilary baked it. Because it was so damn sweet, we were asking for more Ching Teng or whatever you call it in hanyunpinyin or English.

OHHHH

I JUST REMEMBERED WHAT I FORGOT!!!

Wei Jun’s parents, Hilary’s parents and dunno one or two more guys (Mr. Alvin?) performed this song for Wei Jun and in the middle, his father made a speech about how much they love him. Aww.

After that, I dunno why the flute section very weird. We went all the way to an artificial volcano to take photos in total darkness. Like that also shuang. Because of fake volcano, we missed the glorious moment of Wei Jun getting dumped into the pool. u.u

On a side note, one of the most satisfying things of the whole event…is passing the secret photos to Jermain and Huiqin to see. I don’t know which event that they started viewing the photos, but they looked like they were gonna die from implosion. Soooo satisfying!! Wahhh when we were returning the photos to Wei Jun, we told him we had a surprise for him. Wow. He really looked so happy. Then we started blackmailing. HAHAHA Wei Jun… Give us 11 years of Bengawan Solo Cake, or you won’t know what’s gonna be on the birthday slideshows in future…

Hmm.

I think if his 18th birthday already so dong dong qiang, won’t his 21st one take place in some grand ballroom? We might have a 3D rendered with real life action fully cinematic 60 FPS Fully HD life story to watch on a super large dome shaped screen and we’d have to wear 3D glasses to view it!

Sadly, the content might be of him jutting his ass into the Skype window. Phew. *fans air* Fully HD some more.

After that, Manning, Hq, Amanda, Li Hong, Jermain and I made our way out… Super loooonnngg walk. Mn and Amanda took the bus from Simei, while the rest of us walked to 201. Hq took bus from there, and the rest of us…sat our asses down comfortably at Mac and forgot all concept of space and time (!?!??!)

I shall wrap this post up first before I start on a new one. You know? I think Hq is very entertaining to watch. Walk behind her, and you will notice very strange flailing of arms and talking to herself. And when we asked her why she walks like that, she looked oh wow totally surprised, “Got meh???” And I agree with Jermain… She can go to Taiwan and be a random salesgirl and nobody will know she’s from Singapore! Hahaha.

Okay, that’s about it for the entire birthday party.

Now, you’re old. Your next mission is still to bring us free full month Bengawan Solo cake… 11 ones, no less. Or our parang you shall eat!

Just for the record

It's totally weird that I chose my own birthday cake, knew the prices, and celebrated it just last night in a time span of less than five minutes.

The weirdest part was, it wasn't even my birthday. :V

Saturday Morning

I'm waiting for Liz to get up so we can maybe get some Mc breakfast.

Meantime, as of recently, I'd have some quiet time to myself. It's...like the period of time when teachers mark your exam papers. Quiet. But the process of reviewing is ongoing, and then you wait for the result.

Except, I'm now the marker of my own papers... And I don't have a marking guide to know if I'm marking correctly. Haha.

I spent a bit of time writing a few stories, some of which will never see the light of anywhere. Could be the weather, could be the silence, but either way, I'm very much in the mood to write sad and emotional stories. It's funny how when I switch myself to be in the mood to write funny stories, it only lasts that long--the duration of that story. And then I go back to feeling what I felt previously.

A few thoughts have been running through my mind for a while now, in no chronological order.

Sometimes, I wonder if my temper really scares people that much. I don't like how it intimidates others, but I don't know how else to protect myself.

I keep friends, until I perceive I have been forsaken, taken for granted, or that I would only get hurt maintaining the friendship in the end.

I think I feel bad more than I ever need to.



...I think I need to wash up and eat. Damn you Liz... We missed Mc Breakfast today. Next attempt is either next Wednesday or two weeks later.
:(

Of Dreams and Attitudes

After a very recent conversation with a friend, I decided to compose my thoughts here. I don’t know if you’d drop by to read, but anyway.

I’m not comfortable with posting raw and honest thoughts. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve written five chunks of paragraph only to delete them with a few keys. I don’t like disclosing myself like this. It’s too weird. Random banter, yes. Private and personal thoughts, maybe not.

Okay. I just wrote that, and I’ve deleted ten paragraphs of things. I don’t think anyone has the patience to read through ten paragraphs of philosophical nonsense.

Messy mood

Yeah... I know someone talked to me about this before, how I should start connecting with myself, be honest with what I feel and recondition myself to think and feel otherwise.

But the more I think about it, the more I don't want to think about it. I've been feeling fatigued for a couple of days straight now. I can't even wake up to the alarm anymore. I don't know why I've been feeling so tired.

It's just, sometimes, I feel this impulse to erase all traces of my existence. No, not literally suicide of course =.= As in, removing this blog, removing everything on the web connected to me.

I'm leaving this blog entry as it is so I can remind myself to finally delete my Friendster. The reason I don't want to start a Facebook is cuz I'd probably eventually delete it anyway.

I should talk less. I haven't been talking much these days. I simply don't feel like it. Today, a friend called me and talked totally random stuff before he came to his main point that I knew he wanted to address, "Stop ignoring my SMS-es!" It's half true when I told him that I forgot about his messages (because 90% of the time I check my HP, I'm playing game). "Yah yah, purposely one right!" Hahaha. Yeah. It was on purpose. Knowing myself, I set myself up to forget it.

But the prime reason? I don't really want to talk about my life. Everything's the same. My job. My hobby. My life. My view points. It's the same. Nothing's changed. Now I don't deny he was showing concern. Much appreciated. I feel bad. But. It's just, I don't have...things to talk about anymore.

The more I think about it, the more I feel...words shouldn't just be spoken and thrown around and forgotten. Don't talk so much... Just don't.