Just Watching

Sometimes, rather than actively participating in life, I feel like I'm just watching life.

People do things, decide things, walk in, walk out, and all I have to say is, "Okay."

It's pretty odd that at the back of my mind, I tell myself I'd sort it out later and make sense of it. But in the end, I never do.

After all, ultimately, nothing ever changes, even if I had my thoughts and opinions about it. I'm not happy, and neither am I sad about it. It's just my feelings that are stuck in a limbo that disturbs me.

Is this normal? I really don't know.

Follow Up Call from Star****

Cool. This afternoon, I received a call.

Caller: Looking for a Ms Tan or a Ms Lindy?
Me: Wrong number.

I came home, and my mother said someone from Star**** called.

...Masaka.

Then, the phone rang again later at night.

...Hmm ok. I gave my real name, my number, and somehow, the person managed to get my name completely wrong.

Anyway, he said that Internet connection problem was on their side, and everyone in my area more or less kena the same problem and called in to talk about it.

......You know, to ask it 24hrs later is kinda...

...oh well, good effort at least...

Obsolete Thing of the Past

Some weeks ago, I went to Bedok 85 to have dinner. Never mind that I discovered that dipping BBQ chicken wings into their chili sauce makes the chicken taste like chicken rice chicken.

I discovered something even more awesome than that, after dinner.

We went to one of those erhhh utility stores that are clogged with all sorts of inconceivable junk, from Transformers-wannabe-pirated toys to showerheads.

So, being the bored ass I usually am whenever I go shopping with my parents, I looked around for something to play with…

…and I saw…

…the holy…

…mighty…

…cane!!!

Yeah, the cane that eats children’s butts for breakfast, lunch and dinner!!!

I immediately went to grab one to play!

…That’s when I noticed it.

The anomaly.

Me: …Aren’t canes supposed to be straight?
Liz: *hesitant and slow nod* …Yeah… I…remember it to be straight.
Me: …But these are freaking curly fries!!! (not the exact words but…)

ALL the canes were defective!!! I took out one, and it was bending around like…like curly fries??? Then Liz took another one out. HAHAHA 1/4 of the whole thing was already snapped and limping!!! Then I took another one—the handle came out!!!

HAHAHAHAHA

Omg. It was damn stupid. Haven’t hit the kid, the thing die on its own!

I kept laughing and making fun of the damn thing!

Then it occurred to me…the reason behind such phenomenon.

These days, no parents hit their kids anymore. Canes are a thing of the past… Children today don’t even know a cane is a cane even when they see it.

So, conclusion? Mo market for canes means the manufacturer can give out curly fries instead

HAHAHAHA

HAHAHAhAHAHAHA

I wonder what the sales volume is like man. HAHAHAHAHA

Oh wow, a spastic scene/memory just came to mind. I totally forgot the words, so I’m just piecing them together by erhhh what I suppose was the content.

Kid: Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, what is a movie ticket?
Dad: You need a movie ticket to watch a movie.
Kid: Daddy, daddy, daddy, what is a movie?
Dad: A movie is a film recorded with a camera and aired in cinemas for people to watch.
Kid: Daddy, daddy, what is a cinema?
Dad: A cinema is where people watch movies in.
Kid: Daddy… *pauses* *silence* *serious, solemn face* Where is the cinema?
Dad: Up yours. You forgot to ask what a film is, what a camera is, and what people look like.

Don’t let movies be a thing of the past. That’s why movies are making billions of money even as we speak.

So translating it to canes…

Kid: Daddy x4, what is being naughty?
Dad: Being naughty is being you, and you’re asking for punishments.
Kid: Daddy x3, what is a punishment?
Dad: Punishment is what we give to naughty kids like you.
Kid: Daddy x2, what do you give as punishment?
Dad: We smack your smarmy little butts with canes.
Kid: Daddy… *pauses* *silence* *serious, solemn face* What is a cane?
Dad: Up yours. Screw the cane. We use corn now.

Don’t let canes be a thing of the past. Parents might resort to using cucumber, corn and corn oil instead.

On a side note…don’t ask me what the hell is with cucumber, corn and coil oil for that matter. It’s not for the weak of hearts, or more importantly, the weak of asses.

Now, why does winword want to correct ‘asses’ as ‘Asses?’

Bah freak, I just gave myself another heart attack by Googling ‘Asses.’ I thought I might find something that goes by the term ‘Asses’, but instead, naughty Wikipedia just slapped two very huge naked buttock pictures on the top right.

IN CONCLUSION
Canes are a thing of the past.
Corn is now the in thing.

…Ooo…literally ‘in’ thing.

Starstuck

Bloody Starf***’s Internet is down, and now I’m home alone, with no internet. And the Barbarian is supposed to be flying, autopathing to his destination…and is stranded in mid-air, suspended like an action stuntman.

My Internet connection is down sooo bad, that even my phone, that’s also connected to the modem, cannot be used.

I called Starf*** Customer Care Consultant after I made sure to bypass the router and plug the cable into my PC’s sorry ass.

This is the route that went on.
Press 1 for English.
Press 3 for Broadband Services.
Press 1 for MaxOnline Services.
If it’s about your Internet connection, please plug your bloody cable into your PC’s ass. If your Internet works fine, then it’s your router’s dai ji, bo wa eh dai ji.
Press 3 for Technical Assistance.
Press 0 for Customer Care Consultant Services.

One entire string of senseless BGM later:
Your call is damn fucking important to us, but then, we are fucking busy. Siu dan ze hor.
One entire string of senseless BGM later:
Your call is really damn fucking tmd important to us, but then, we’re still tmd fucking busy. Siu dan ze hor x2.
One entire string of senseless BGM later:
Our call is really, really, really bloody shaggingly important to us, but then, our operators all jia zua and died in an imaginary fire. Please hold on some more.

*beep*

Consultant: Hello this is I didn’t catch your name and the what the hell how can I help you?
Me: Erhh my Internet connection’s down, and I’ve already bypassed the router.
Consultant: What’s your subscriber number?
Me: Uh? What? How do I get that number?
Consultant: I meant the subscriber’s IC number.
Me: Bananainpyjamas.
Consultant: Ok. May I know the subscriber’s name?
Me: Bananainpeels.
Consultant: Ok. Can I have your handphone number?
Me: Bananaisdead.
Consultant: Ok. I will get the Technical Assistant to call you. Thank you, good bye…
Me: Ok.

*hangs up*

Thirty minutes later, I realized I forgot the most critical question.

WHEN?

When are you getting that (wo)man who died in an imaginary fire to call me?

At this juncture, I conclude that the…

…What the fuck. I’m typing this halfway and cursing and cussing when suddenly my Internet just came back. Oh well.

Never mind, I’ll still finish my story.

At the previous juncture, I concluded that

#1) when she said she’d get a Technical Assistant to call me, she really meant to say either “after tonight, when I feel like it, after you’re dead, or after you have no bloody use for the Internet.”
#2) her side, the Internet is also down, so the phone also cannot dial out
#3) the Technical Assistant actually has no idea what’s the problem either
#4) the Technical Assistant died by imaginary fire
#5) she’s secretly fixing the Internet by her own

From the looks of it, that the fact that my Internet returned the moment I was about to finish this blog post (I was really fretting what to do if by the time I finished this and I still couldn’t get my Internet back to post this)…

I conclude that it’s point #4. His/her spirit is now lurking in my currently empty house and staring at me type. S/he used imaginary ghostly powers to restore my Internet back.

OH GODS! NO!!! SEVENTH MONTH IS OVER! IT’S THE MONTH OF THE HAZE NOW! FORGIVE ME! FORGIVE ME!!!

Funny how screwed up Internet connection ended up inspiring a blog entry. This is retarded.

I didn't see this before

BUT WOW!

I totally see why people read my blog in the past!!!

I HAVE to tell you about my amazing encounter at the mama shop last Sunday!

Before that, SLEEP. :D

I get the drift

When I'm feeling so damned emotionally fragile, someone just had to trample on me further.

And when said someone realised she said something wrong, she tried to take it back.

The damage is done. No amount of sweet talking can reverse it.

And as it is, this world is a place only for the fearless who would stand against popular opinion, or for the submissive/conformist who would do anything to win approval.

There's no place for anything in between.

Misconceptions

I wrote a very long post at work, and then saved it. I'd wanted to continue it and then post it here, but then...somehow, I just lost all the mood to do it.

I Google stuff, and then end up discovering things I wonder if it was best I never found them.

Now, let me highlight to you what impressions people have of me, based on observations that I've made.

I am someone who uses friends.
I am someone who has no heart.
I am someone whom you cannot approach to reason and talk to.
I am someone who is aggressive and domineering.
I am someone who simply does not understand or care.
I am someone whom unless you have the strongest of heart, is best avoided.

What can I say?

I've said it many times before, more than I would ever love to.

I'll live with the misconceptions. It's a lie to say I am not hurt. In fact, I'm feeling very sad right now, that I don't have much appetite for dinner.

I can't do things alone. But when I do find people to do things with me...I think I end up slowing everyone down.

I'm sorry. Sometimes, I feel I need to be alone so I don't hurt the ones around me.

Maybe I'm just tired, so I'm feeling pessimistic.

Sigh... What can I say. I feel very sad. Period.