Obsolete Thing of the Past

Some weeks ago, I went to Bedok 85 to have dinner. Never mind that I discovered that dipping BBQ chicken wings into their chili sauce makes the chicken taste like chicken rice chicken.

I discovered something even more awesome than that, after dinner.

We went to one of those erhhh utility stores that are clogged with all sorts of inconceivable junk, from Transformers-wannabe-pirated toys to showerheads.

So, being the bored ass I usually am whenever I go shopping with my parents, I looked around for something to play with…

…and I saw…

…the holy…

…mighty…

…cane!!!

Yeah, the cane that eats children’s butts for breakfast, lunch and dinner!!!

I immediately went to grab one to play!

…That’s when I noticed it.

The anomaly.

Me: …Aren’t canes supposed to be straight?
Liz: *hesitant and slow nod* …Yeah… I…remember it to be straight.
Me: …But these are freaking curly fries!!! (not the exact words but…)

ALL the canes were defective!!! I took out one, and it was bending around like…like curly fries??? Then Liz took another one out. HAHAHA 1/4 of the whole thing was already snapped and limping!!! Then I took another one—the handle came out!!!

HAHAHAHAHA

Omg. It was damn stupid. Haven’t hit the kid, the thing die on its own!

I kept laughing and making fun of the damn thing!

Then it occurred to me…the reason behind such phenomenon.

These days, no parents hit their kids anymore. Canes are a thing of the past… Children today don’t even know a cane is a cane even when they see it.

So, conclusion? Mo market for canes means the manufacturer can give out curly fries instead

HAHAHAHA

HAHAHAhAHAHAHA

I wonder what the sales volume is like man. HAHAHAHAHA

Oh wow, a spastic scene/memory just came to mind. I totally forgot the words, so I’m just piecing them together by erhhh what I suppose was the content.

Kid: Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, what is a movie ticket?
Dad: You need a movie ticket to watch a movie.
Kid: Daddy, daddy, daddy, what is a movie?
Dad: A movie is a film recorded with a camera and aired in cinemas for people to watch.
Kid: Daddy, daddy, what is a cinema?
Dad: A cinema is where people watch movies in.
Kid: Daddy… *pauses* *silence* *serious, solemn face* Where is the cinema?
Dad: Up yours. You forgot to ask what a film is, what a camera is, and what people look like.

Don’t let movies be a thing of the past. That’s why movies are making billions of money even as we speak.

So translating it to canes…

Kid: Daddy x4, what is being naughty?
Dad: Being naughty is being you, and you’re asking for punishments.
Kid: Daddy x3, what is a punishment?
Dad: Punishment is what we give to naughty kids like you.
Kid: Daddy x2, what do you give as punishment?
Dad: We smack your smarmy little butts with canes.
Kid: Daddy… *pauses* *silence* *serious, solemn face* What is a cane?
Dad: Up yours. Screw the cane. We use corn now.

Don’t let canes be a thing of the past. Parents might resort to using cucumber, corn and corn oil instead.

On a side note…don’t ask me what the hell is with cucumber, corn and coil oil for that matter. It’s not for the weak of hearts, or more importantly, the weak of asses.

Now, why does winword want to correct ‘asses’ as ‘Asses?’

Bah freak, I just gave myself another heart attack by Googling ‘Asses.’ I thought I might find something that goes by the term ‘Asses’, but instead, naughty Wikipedia just slapped two very huge naked buttock pictures on the top right.

IN CONCLUSION
Canes are a thing of the past.
Corn is now the in thing.

…Ooo…literally ‘in’ thing.