Who to love

Copying and pasting something someone wrote/pasted on somewhere.

有一个人任何时候都不会背弃你，
这个人就是你自己。
我们只有一个自己，
学会爱自己，宠自己，多点阳光灿烂，少点烟雨凄迷。
即使有一天，相爱的人飘然远去，
不要枉然去追寻那留不住的脚步，
好好的走剩下的路，学会自己独立。
我们都不是很完美的人，
但我们要接受不完美的自己。
一辈子不长，对自己好点。

不要放大别人的幸福，
不要缩小自己的快乐

You probably won't get it, but I shall just say this text has somehow incurred a storm of paranoia and conspiracy theories!

Reform of Thoughts

Recently, I've had a lot of downtime. Not as in having spare time, but being down and being unproductive. And it is a lot - about five months.

Gay Stereotypes + Rambling

LGBT Stereotypes
Gay Stereotypes

Good read. Reality often doesn't match the myths and images people like to pass around for convenience.

That said, here's a declaration: I prefer bara to generic yaoi.
(Just because the guys are more masculine. :P)

And some rambling about my viewpoints, yet again.

Weird Feeling

There's a person I've always "seen through" since the start. But they (to retain the anonymity of the identity of this person) were putting in so much effort to pretend to be who they aren't, thinking that I won't be able to tell. They started to say a lot, to build an image, hoping that I would believe that image, but I've always had a sense that they know I don't buy all this bullshit. Which is why they're always over sensitive and over reactive to me.

I've never had the chance to prove that what I'm thinking was right all along, because after all, who am I to claim that I understand people?

Until someone else, and unknowing person, talked to me about them, and then I realized that I was right, from the start.

...I don't know why but there's this increasing sense of apathy every time I think about you and the increasing amount of nonsense that you do behind my back. I hope you wake up soon.

How to react to a crackpot theory

How to react to a crackpot theory



LOL. Made my day.

I read this wondering how to react to people who make crackpot theories.

Then I realize I'm usually already reacting the way that bald guy does (except for...the last panel). OR, on rare occasions, I'm the bastard who's cracking the theories. Oh fuck.

This artist is now added to my idol list!

A little bit tired

I cannot be myself anywhere.

Yet the irony is that, I'm usually myself anywhere I go. And this "myself" is the one that constantly gets misread as trying to be difficult, mean, antisocial etc. I don't bother to explain much, but when I do, it just ends up misread further.

Now I don't mind the translation process that happens every single moment while I'm talking to people. Communication is actually a complex thing - or maybe it is, only for the minority.

I mind it though, that it turns personal. That people imagine that I actually have something against them. That I have too much time and mental capacity in my hands that I must be harboring ill thoughts against them every single moment of my life, like I'm so damn free and evil.

Then stop taking up all my time and calling me a good listener. I'm sure you spent time to talk to me - I'd like to let you know, listening takes time, effort and skills too.

Empty and Insecure Souls

How do you fill empty souls? How do you deal with insecure souls?

It wears me out to know that I can never make sense to them, and I'm stuck doing things with them. And my boundaries are very strict.

The world would be so much more at peace if we would just mind our own businesses and at the same time learn to work with and cooperate with one another instead, and leave the petty self interests aside.

And the very same empty and insecure souls are the ones who think they give a damn lot. Irony.

"People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown."
~Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

My new idol, along with Dilbert.

But Optimus still reigns supreme. >:D

Quotes
Because, you know, this isn't the first link on Google

And wtf is this? "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"

How to be a Smart Ass

How to be a Smart Ass

Wow, I discovered this pattern some years ago.

It's part of the reason I stare at people when they speak - they're probably gonna add something lame at the end of it...

I'd teach you how to counter attack smart asses and come out the smarter (and smarmier) ass, but nah, can't teach you a secret because that's what it is - a secret. Hehehehe.

Btw, I tried to find "how to be a dumb ass", but came up with nothing. ._.

The Walking Dead Epi 3

I actually felt bad for the asshole....

I'm an asshole most of everyday (self-effacing not intended), but even so, I don't like seeing enemies suffer either....

Removing all the discussions of who was responsible, what could have been, what should have been, it doesn't change the facts of situations.

Facts...how interesting. To me, there is an objective world out there that cares for and is biased to no man. The situations have happened and will continue to happen - oddly an interaction between man and environment.

And yet, the very same facts screw up most of people's lives, and people feel upset. I find it funny why people don't focus on our interaction with the environment, and instead, deny facts for being facts.

Asshole in the Hole

First, I must mention that wow, what a strange discovery! For some reason, my office has stopped blocking sites, and here I am. (I don't know when's the next massive blocking however.)

Now, I must mention this. I have been reading MGS Novel. Out of curiosity, I wanted to see if there were interesting fictions between Snake and Otacon from MGS, as friends, or beyond. (?!) But I came across this unholy site.

Ranting Mode Activated

Asshole: This is Asshole. Colonel Assbag, do you read me?
Assbag: I'm here, Asshole. Do you need help?
Asshole: How do I activate my Asshole Mode?
Assbag: That's easy. Asshole, you are already an Asshole. Did you see all your previous blog entries?
Asshole: Blog entries?
Assbag: Yes, those entries you wrote in the past on this blogger site that mocked every fucking dumb shit in the world. Well, not literally and exactly - they were mostly about games.
Asshole: Yeah, I remember those. What about them?
Assbag: First, you need to read, and then you will detect Stupidity. After successfully detecting it, pick out the Stupidity that bothers you most, and go through your Inventory of Insults. Then apply the Principle of Mockery and Sarcasm, and you will be in Asshole Mode.
Asshole: Got it.
Assbag: While it isn't common for the Codec helpline to ask, but Asshole, why do you want to activate the Asshole Mode? Did you come across a Sucker?
Asshole: Sucker?
Assbag: Do not answer my question with a question!
Asshole: See... I don't know if your idea of a Sucker and mine are the same.
Assbag: Oh. Is that why you keep repeating a random Noun in people's words?
Asshole: What?
Assbag: What do you mean what? And stop using questions to answer instead!
Asshole: No, see, I don't know why you're asking me that.
Assbag: Don't you know that everyone's making fun of you? Look, you asked me, "blog entries", and you asked me "sucker". These things are goddamned postulates, Asshole.
Asshole: Who's everyone? Why are they making fun of me? There are several goddamned entries. How do I know if you're talking about the ones where I was goddamned emo, goddamned insulting, or just goddamned throwing pansies around in a flower field?
Assbag: Fine. What about Sucker? Everybody knows what Sucker means!
Asshole: Have you seen Dictionary.com and how many definitions there are?
Assbag: Goddammit just use the popular definitions!
Asshole: You didn't answer my question. The problem lies in the precision of your language.
Assbag: Goddammit Asshole, they are postulates. Do I need to explain everything?
Asshole: Whatever, I don't have time for this shit. Anything else I need to know?
Assbag: You, are an Asshole. A dense one.
Asshole: ...That's intense.
Assbag: And a real jerk.
Asshole: One that knows sarcasm too. Want a piece of my Asshole Mode?
Assbag: *sighs dramatically* I'm signing off. Good luck pissing people off.
Asshole: Well thanks, I just did one in.

I am no elitist. I do not hate and discriminate people with a terrible lack of wit, nor do I hate people who like to speak the obvious and draw comparisons between a fucking game and goddamned reality.

(Here's a quote for you to see what the obvious are:

Can carry many things

One of Snake's most extraordinary qualities is the ability to carry roughly seventeen tons of equipment without any kind of convoy, backpack, or even a bulge in his pocket. Somehow, Snake manages to move unfatigued despite carrying an AK-47, 9MM Pistol, 20 Grenades, 30 Rations, A Giant Knife, 5 Sniper rifles, a Rail Gun, a 50 Caliber rifle, several types of Automatic Rifles, a truckload of ammo, a box big enough to fit a grown man, a oil drum, a camera, a robot, pornography, a microphone the size of a TV Camera, flashbangs, smoke grenades and several changes of clothes.

Need I tell you the obvious, that Final Fantasy VIII beats Solid Snake hands-down with a 18 pages x 11 Inventory List with a maximum count of 100 stocks for each Item, not to mention 16 GFs possessing 3 or 6 fucking players at any time, and 8 x 4 magic slots per toon? That they whip out their goddamned fucking weapons out of the blues? That they carry nothing even half as remotely useful as Snake's equipment, and hold on to something as pointless as a bloody pack of Zombie Powder, or a couple of Occult Magazines?

Oh wait... So you can compare a game to reality, and not a game to another game? So we're supposed to...compare apples to cakes instead of apples to oranges, right?

Actually, those aren't my main gripes. I can deal with a dull sense of humor no problem, but here lies an insult to an existing bunch of people...:

Possible deafness

Although Snake is responsive to loud noises, he asks lots of obvious questions, suggesting that he might have trouble with his hearing. During conversation, he will almost invariably repeat any Noun he hears in the form of a question. For example, if you were to tell Snake you live in California, Snake would reply, "California?!!". Perhaps the fifteen years he's spent firing loud automatic weapons have caught up to him.

If Snake ever tries to interrogate you at gunpoint, consider telling him your name is "Lord Marcus Thomas Randy Bowman-Schneider McFarland Thompson Randolph Lee Brady III". By the time he's repeating the "McFarland", you should be pretty far away.

Well, congratulations on picking up a pattern without understanding how the questioning patterns work. (Refer to above Asshole vs Assbag for references - hopefully your limited pattern recognition is able to pick up the actual nuances of how a Noun is selected, and not just any variable.) Oh, wait, you understood and you still mocked? Oh hey, no problem, I saw that coming a million miles ahead as you did too...

By the way, in the above crappy fucked up example of a mockery, Snake would NOT repeat McFarland. Here's a list of responses he's likely to give:

"What the hell was that?"
"Sorry, didn't catch that - can I just call you Brady III?"
"How do you even remember your name?"
"Where are you from? That obscure country that just picks any random word and adds it to their name to make it a burger as long as one in Subway?"
"That must have taken quite a bit of time to practice..."
"I'm glad my name's as ordinary as John Doe."
"Who came up with that?"

...the list goes on.

Solid Snake: Solid Snake (Solid Snake!?) is the protagonist (protagonist!?) and playable character (playable character!?) of MGS. He can carry massive firearms in his pockets (pockets!?), hits on every female character in the game (flirtation!?), and repeats nouns in the form of questions (Noun!?).

I'm calling discrimination on this one.

Well, whaddya know!

People like this actually exist!

And yours truly is one goddamned example!

Wow, I didn't know people called those who ask questions in the forms of...well, repeated "nouns" as deaf and dumb (as in, you know, stupid, just so we're on the same page and not go into semantics). Now I know why there are some people who act up on me just because I like to repeat what they say!

Here's a brief lesson for you people who have difficulty understanding this speech pattern.

IT'S CALLED THE NI SPEAK!!!

Assbag: What? "Ni Speak?"

Yes, Ni Speak. It's a goddamned fucking postulate. Why are you asking me? And by the way, if you don't have it, you won't get it - it's evident throughout this blog and you'll never pick it up if you never had it. Oh of course, unless you have shadow functions acting on your whim --

Assbag: What? Shadow functions?! What the hell are you talking about!?

Fucking postulates. Stop acting like the nerd you just condemned. Okay, because you have limited understanding and I'm not an Assbag like you (since I'm an Asshole), I will be nice and tell you what those noun repetitions actually mean, much as you'd like to pretend that you know how it works.

It's called highlighting keywords while attaching this request, "Please elaborate." (Even better if you can give "why", and hopefully the other 4 Ws and 1H if relevant, to prevent such pointless "pressing for more information" in the form of "noun repetition".)

Short, simple and succinct, but apparently ineffective against a bunch of people who would rather assume they know what a person means rather than get a correct interpretation of people's words. And these smart people apparently cannot even comprehend that this short, selective noun repetition is also packed with courtesy: it is also asking, "Do you have more to say?"

Assbag: Is that an insult? Dumb nuts who need everything explained to them. *rolls eyes and walks away*
Asshole: You don't walk away from a Codec. You turn off the transmission. It's too bad you were born with the knowledge of the universe.

It almost feels like Jedi power (no, I have never watched Star Wars...well, not that I remember; my Ni tells me that this term is used correctly) to understand Snake, how he talks and how he thinks, and not have to stoop and condescend to make a mockery out of someone who just acts, thinks and talks differently.

If this Asshole mode is upsetting, don't be upset. I'm just employing the same tactics that writer used, in the same satirical manner. D'you know what's the difference? Their words cut corners - mine just cut.

Ranting Mode Deactivated

And now for some crude, pointless epilogues.

Don't ask...

...if you want to hear anything short of the truth. And reject it in the end.

A type of silence

I know, I should be sleeping. My com is dl-ing TF2 at the moment, and I just came back from bathing.

Just...a thought. A type of silence. The kind that is the worst. The kind that compels the mind to fill the gap with strange noises. Strange irrational noises. I didn't know whom I was doubting, but at the root of it, it's me I doubt the most.

It's been a lifetime now, that I feel like I'm watching my life from another lens. I'm watching myself read these words, type these things, and I do doubt if I'm really sitting here and saying things. It's quite creepy, that I started to want to move the lens around, and see the...box. The whole thing, the different angles at which to view an event. And I'm terrified, when the limit is reached. There's an angle I can't see, and I do not know why.

It's much like the...you know, feeling? That kidnappers capture you, put you in a room, interrogate you, and then show you the fate of your family in a video. It's real to you, the video, but you know it's recorded, and there are things beyond the video you can't see--and you have no access to them. That's the feeling that I have. It's hard to describe.

Or living as an invisible person, that somehow you're in a parallel dimension, with words unspoken and concern undelivered, because you haven't figured out how to get it out there.

If I knew how to show concern without scaring everyone away, perhaps my life would be a fragment more complete. And this is another type of silence that's just as bad... So bad I'd rather shove it all into a box and lock it away, out of reach forever.

Indescribable Difficulties

After watching the whole thing, I have to say that I'm on the guy's side. I can imagine how difficult it is to live through discrimination. It's an emotionally painful watch.

Normally, I'm against sex change. But there's someone in my life who was in a similar position. Not as emotionally destructive as the above, of course; it's positive, even. I was guilty of the same narrow-mindedness as that blasted father in the show above, but without the same intensity. I had thought it was a "nurture" issue, not a "nature" issue. Eventually, I changed my mind.

The guy is of an unhealthy mindset when constantly blaming his parents for his plight, but beneath all that emotional display, I feel that there lies a soul that needs unconditional acceptance, free of judgment.

Sometimes, that's all that's needed for people to move on.

City Living Affects Brain

What do you think about this?

Personally, I...don't really see a point in building city landscapes based upon this concept. But I like the observation, despite how it doesn't make as much sense as I thought it might.

Manning asked me yesterday why I deactivated Facebook. The reason is quite simple. It's much like what is described in the link above.

Facebook is now almost the virtual representation of society. If you haven't known about it, or that I haven't made it explicitly known yet, I am in a contradictory, possibly paradoxical, position about society--I find it close to something like an abomination.

I have several thoughts as to why I don't like Facebook.

I am highly introverted.

This is painfully obvious, but I'd just state it anyway. I don't need a lot of stimuli to keep my mind going, and I don't need human company for a lengthy period of time to let my mind chew on things. That said...

Facebook is too damn noisy for me.

No, it's not about individual posts whatsoever. It's just that, the moment I load Facebook, I am faced with an entire list of people saying everything from their damaged aircons to something as serious as perhaps, a death or two. I am not against people saying whatever they want. But the problem is, it isn't much different, to me, from being in an overly crowded IT Fair. That's just how sensitive my mind is...

I can't take the excess external stimuli.

This is the main reason. I can't explain why, but being on Facebook, I feel forced into a social situation. I don't like the new random Add Friend requests. And there is so much information, my mind is constantly doing some sort of filtering and processing. Worse, most of the processing is taking place for unimportant things. Don't know if it sounds weird, but I feel very overwhelmed, pressured and stressed after long exposure to Facebook.

I don't understand the point of Facebook (for myself).

Yeah. I don't understand Facebook. I'm not interested in a lot of people's lives and I don't see a need to be updated about them. I only have a few groups of people in my life I care about, and I don't want to lump everyone into one space called Facebook. It makes no sense whatsoever to me.

I prefer some quiet room. And to be honest, I don't like to be found. I'd rather people just approached me if and when they want to meet up. I'm an ass, I know... Yeah...

Theorizing the New Common Sense

Today, my dad was angered by a bunch of jaywalkers who emerged from in front of a bus, and he could have knocked into them. He said, "IT'S COMMON SENSE NOT TO DO THIS!"

Apparently, that is NOT the case, as proven by the jaywalkers!

Thus, I have formulated the new way to theorize common sense.

First, let us get a few things clear:

1) Common sense is, in a sense, cultural rules created by specific cultures. Common sense in Singapore (e.g. Queuing up for nothing) will obviously not work elsewhere.

2) Common sense is a general consensus among people and the consensus is based on wide acceptance, regardless of individual circumstance. It does NOT regard logic, rationality, and ironically, "common sense" of the logical realm.

3) As is common sense for the logical realm, common sense in accepted behavior is a majority > minority comparison.

The Empirical Bullshit Study of Jaywalking Beliefs

First, we need to first determine the number of people who support either or of the following two beliefs:
A) It is OKAY to jaywalk.
b) It is NOT OKAY to jaywalk.

The surprising study of 10,000 people shows that...LE GASP, most people believe that it IS okay to jaywalk! By the way, the ratio is 5001 > 4999.

Let us now move on to the next step of the study.

It is now established that it is indeed OKAY to jaywalk.

Now, the new choices:
A) You jaywalk.
B) You don't jaywalk.

LE GASP...MOST PEOPLE DON'T JAYWALK! (Out of the study of 5001, 2546 > 2455 DON'T jaywalk.)

There it is, your new common sense. Common sense is that it is OKAY to jaywalk, but most people don't do it despite the belief. Everybody understands this contradiction almost on a spiritual level on unspoken terms, and you are expected to say that you find jaywalking okay while you don't jaywalk.

Likewise, if you turn it around to the following premise:
A) It is NOT OKAY to jaywalk.
B) But you jaywalk.

THAT is the new common sense.

And this is how we understand reality. ;D

(Meanwhile, I shall proceed to not jaywalk and believe it is wrong to jaywalk, at the peril of moral crusaders telling me how I'm doing it all wrong. I shall now be called the nonconformist, with the knowledge that the next 4998 people are just like me, unique and nonconformist.)

Starhub Optic Fibre

First, Starhub's optic fibre plan blew me away for the last two days for two reasons:

1. On day one, my uncle spent fifteen minutes investigating how to get my com connected to it. (Somehow, ALL coms in my house can access except the main PC.) By some magical method, I randomly did some settings and woooh! I could use it.

2. On day two, Internet connection was down. AGAIN. So, Liz called Starhub. What amazed me was what they said that sounded like forces unseen at work: "Since the optic fibre is still new, the Internet is a bit unstable, so it will take a bit of time for it to stabilize. You might get DCs. (HUH? MY WORST NEMESIS MIGHT SPRING UP BEHIND MY ASS?) Don't worry, we're still channeling signal to your modem." Channeling? Did I hear wrongly? CHANNELING? Like, spirit medium CHANNELING SPIRIT? I did not know Internet signals were a matter of spiritual faith! (Let me, however, warn you that my memory can sometimes be extremely skewed, especially if it hasn't been through comprehension like this one obviously hasn't, so the word channeling...might not even have been said.) "We will get our technician to call you in the next 24hrs!"--nuh-uh, it;s been twenty-six hours madam.

And today, I didn't have to go through the last two days of trauma and Internet is not faulty. YAY! I hope I don't get DCs...ANYMORE. GOOD BYE TO DAYS OF POINTING AT MY MAXONLINE MODEM AND SCREAMING AT THE BLINKING "US" AND "ONLINE" LED LIGHTS! (This problem has been plaguing me for months I swear.)

This also proves that--Starhub's idea of a tangki (yes, I'm a responsible and educative blogger) EXISTS!

Singtel and Starhub. Did you notice something? Did you notice a similarity, a pattern? Yes... The initials are "S". Does it sound like something? Does it sound like something to you? Now how would you call two..."S"-es?

Oh this reminds me of the old wise saying that I came up with while writing about one character dissing two idiots: "Two half asses don't make one smart ass." By the way, I was about to complain that wisdom should have an adjective form called wisdomic--until I realise that that's what "wise" is for. Presenting to you, yours truly, who is not constructed by two homosapiens possessing only one half of the average human brain and is whole and complete--one dumb ass.

Oddly, I was in a bad mood when I started blogging, but the enthusiasm to unleash my urge to laugh at things (yes, screw the positive and wonderful notions of "laughing with"--we don't need Winnie the Pooh, sweestoroposis patient, to come and fill my life with unnecessary fluff and diabetes) has been, to say the least, therapeutic. I swear, evil runs in my blood.

Metal Gear Solid Novel

I RANDOMLY SWIPED IT OUT FROM A $5 SECTION DURING THE EXPO MPH WAREHOUSE SALE!!!

It was...

Liz: Help me find Robin Hobb books leh, shiny shiny cover one.
Me: *sweeping fingers along the surface of the books* eh? Look! MGS! *takes out*
Liz: . . . EH? MGS?
Me: EH? MGS?

LOL!

Omgggg one segment of my life has been made completeeee omgggg and the style of the writer is the type that I likeeee. No smoke bomb language, pertinent use of vocabulary and rather apt descriptions. I liketthhhhh.

On a side note...I was so bored waiting for Liz to be done that I ended up rearranging the books in the display cardboard boxes. Sooo many repeat titles, NONE arranged. (You can see Dan Brown: Angels and Demons from the first row to the last row man, seriously.) I didn't...literally arrange everything but ah~ very satisfying.

Ugh and I went to buy books right after going to the library...seriously...

Lol wtf man, I asked Liz to help buy a few shoujo manga, just because I felt like reading some romance. Heck I even borrowed romance novels! Now to get my ass down to read (note:laugh) them. Aihz.

Reflecting

I think I just identified another anger trigger.

Understanding on both sides = Happy
Misunderstanding on either side = Unhappy

Pretty simple right? Now if only I didn't end up on the second equation as much as I would love to...

Sick of this

I'm sick of people.

I hate people.

Can't I just fucking crack open people's brains to see what exactly they mean, instead of smoke bombs thrown all over.

Can't I just say things without having everything misunderstood and distorted.

DO I EVEN BELONG ON THIS PLANET?

Shit, this is so alien to me, even I don't understand what I'm getting upset over?????????