Starstuck

Bloody Starf***’s Internet is down, and now I’m home alone, with no internet. And the Barbarian is supposed to be flying, autopathing to his destination…and is stranded in mid-air, suspended like an action stuntman.

My Internet connection is down sooo bad, that even my phone, that’s also connected to the modem, cannot be used.

I called Starf*** Customer Care Consultant after I made sure to bypass the router and plug the cable into my PC’s sorry ass.

This is the route that went on.
Press 1 for English.
Press 3 for Broadband Services.
Press 1 for MaxOnline Services.
If it’s about your Internet connection, please plug your bloody cable into your PC’s ass. If your Internet works fine, then it’s your router’s dai ji, bo wa eh dai ji.
Press 3 for Technical Assistance.
Press 0 for Customer Care Consultant Services.

One entire string of senseless BGM later:
Your call is damn fucking important to us, but then, we are fucking busy. Siu dan ze hor.
One entire string of senseless BGM later:
Your call is really damn fucking tmd important to us, but then, we’re still tmd fucking busy. Siu dan ze hor x2.
One entire string of senseless BGM later:
Our call is really, really, really bloody shaggingly important to us, but then, our operators all jia zua and died in an imaginary fire. Please hold on some more.

*beep*

Consultant: Hello this is I didn’t catch your name and the what the hell how can I help you?
Me: Erhh my Internet connection’s down, and I’ve already bypassed the router.
Consultant: What’s your subscriber number?
Me: Uh? What? How do I get that number?
Consultant: I meant the subscriber’s IC number.
Me: Bananainpyjamas.
Consultant: Ok. May I know the subscriber’s name?
Me: Bananainpeels.
Consultant: Ok. Can I have your handphone number?
Me: Bananaisdead.
Consultant: Ok. I will get the Technical Assistant to call you. Thank you, good bye…
Me: Ok.

*hangs up*

Thirty minutes later, I realized I forgot the most critical question.

WHEN?

When are you getting that (wo)man who died in an imaginary fire to call me?

At this juncture, I conclude that the…

…What the fuck. I’m typing this halfway and cursing and cussing when suddenly my Internet just came back. Oh well.

Never mind, I’ll still finish my story.

At the previous juncture, I concluded that

#1) when she said she’d get a Technical Assistant to call me, she really meant to say either “after tonight, when I feel like it, after you’re dead, or after you have no bloody use for the Internet.”
#2) her side, the Internet is also down, so the phone also cannot dial out
#3) the Technical Assistant actually has no idea what’s the problem either
#4) the Technical Assistant died by imaginary fire
#5) she’s secretly fixing the Internet by her own

From the looks of it, that the fact that my Internet returned the moment I was about to finish this blog post (I was really fretting what to do if by the time I finished this and I still couldn’t get my Internet back to post this)…

I conclude that it’s point #4. His/her spirit is now lurking in my currently empty house and staring at me type. S/he used imaginary ghostly powers to restore my Internet back.

OH GODS! NO!!! SEVENTH MONTH IS OVER! IT’S THE MONTH OF THE HAZE NOW! FORGIVE ME! FORGIVE ME!!!

Funny how screwed up Internet connection ended up inspiring a blog entry. This is retarded.