Dying Wish Granted

NOTE Because I forgot to send myself, these posts are supposed to be backdated. So yeah.

Date: 6-12-2010

I have come across three topics that I feel like meshing into one post, but for drama and impact purposes, I will split them into different posts, and post on different times. Mwahaha.

Now.

I don’t remember the exact words.

I read something on the Newpaper headline, and I know I shouldn’t laugh, but the headline went like this:

DYING WISH GRANTED—Dying man gets sent to casino via ambulance

…

Oh wow, imagine standing in front of the drink store and laughing to yourself over something as morbid as that. What a hardcore person—gambling to the death, literally.

Here’s the imagined script for the scenario:

WARNING

IF you cannot take morbid humor, do not read on and call me a heartless being!

/WARNING

Ambulance Stretcher Man (I don’t know what they’re called; hereby coined as ASM): UNCLE! Don’t die!
Gambler: I…I don’t have much time left…
ASM: Hang on! We’ll bring you to the hospital!
Gambler: No… It’s too late. My legs are numb… My bum is starting to feel numb…
ASM: NO!
Gambler: Please… Won’t you grant a dying man one last wish?
ASM: Yes, anything we can do to help you!
Gambler: Bring me…to the casino…
ASM: *stuns* *wakes up* OKAY! EVERYONE! TO THE CASINO!
Ambulance Crew: OUH! SOUCHOU!
*Entire crew rushes to the casino and even foots the hundred-dollar entrance bill*
*Dying gambler puts his hand on the jackpot button*
Gambler: …*weeps*
ASM: What happened? Are you hurting?!
Gambler: No… I’m just very touched… I miss the smell of the jackpot machine…
ASM: OMG LOOK! YOU STRUCK THE JACKPOT!!!
Gambler: *coughs* ASM…
ASM: Yes uncle?!
Gambler: …Actually…

Wah si lim peh…

ASM: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

-End drama-

Now. In no way do I have intentions to make fun of the dying man. I do not know the circumstance surrounding his death. I repeat for the thousandth time, that I know nothing about the whole story. I couldn’t even be bothered to spend 70 cents (or has it risen to 75 cents) just so I could do a research on his story. It could be far more severe than I thought.

But the thought of a man who would rather go to the casino than the hospital as a dying wish—now that’s pretty unusual. He sounds like he had accepted and gotten over the fact that he was dying and that all he wanted to do was to see what he liked one last time.

So, not much point pretending that it’s so dirt serious now is there? Sounds very much like some funerals that have ice cream parties and happy songs played just so nobody feels sad about their parting…or rather, departing.

NOW! Let’s distract ourselves, and imagine our own dying wishes!

While walking to the toilet just now, I thought of something.

Do you think NASA will approve if I drafted this to them?

Dear NASA

When I’m dying, I would like to get on one of your rockets on testing, and have you launch it into the stratosphere. I would like it to malfunction at the moment I draw my last breath, so that I die with an explosion in the middle of the cosmos.

My thanks to you would be in the form of a small-boxed headline at the corner of the front page of Newpaper.

Yours sincerely
Death-by-rocket-explosion fan

Then Newpaper’s headline:

DYING WISH GRANTED—Dying nameless peasant explodes in space on a NASA rocket

Beat that, you fellow peasants. Mehahaha.

I didn't send to myself

I typed some stuff on winword at my office, but I forgot to send to myself, so no updates D:

And I'm starting to wonder where the heck the taggers come from or if they're even real ><

So, writing this for drama purposes:

たまに、　利用された感じしています。
たまに、　寂しい。
いつものように。

Haha it's starting to sound like a Japanese ad!
(No, I don't know if it's grammatically correct)

...But yeah. Sometimes, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing either. Oh well... I guess I never really outgrew my childish daydreams.

Don't Waste Food!

Just a random thought while talking to Liz yesterday.

I have completely forgotten this entire Chinese poem, but only the last line remains in my head:

粒粒皆辛苦!

(What's the translation for that? Every grain carries hard work? Hahaha don't know.)

I waste food sometimes >< Guilty dinner nights. But...y'know, if you can finish the food, scrape to the last grain of rice and eat it! Scoop and gather your food! Doesn't it bother you that some grains of rice are scattered all over?! And if you can't finish eating everything, ask for less D:

That phrase comes to mind every single bloody time when I see food, especially rice, is wasted. @_@

And no, "I paid for my food" has nothing to do with wasting food. >:/

Writing Sad Stories

Oh wow. I wrote a story that was so damn long that winword told me they couldn’t be bothered to check for my spelling and grammatical errors anymore. It’s not even near the end!

That said, I don’t really know why I like to write about traumatised, mentally unstable or mentally unsound people. It’s interesting to write though.

The first time I ever cried writing my own story was in secondary school. Actually, it wasn’t my story. The character was a direct reference to my ex-neighbour. At the time I wrote the story, his grandmother had just passed away not too long ago, and when he talked to me about it, I felt like he was rather disturbed and depressed. I don’t know what my composition topic was, but I wrote his story and tried to imagine what he felt like. I ended up crying and writing it. I still remember my English teacher then, Ms Karen Ng, asking me if I feel for my characters when I write them.

I don’t remember when I wrote the next story, but recently I reread one of my old stories and felt depressed over it. It was about one guy who’d recently killed his friend. This friend is a total annoyance, but his friend was the one who accommodated him at his (friend) house when he was fleeing from his hometown for something else. His friend left him all of a sudden, and the next time they met, they were enemies. Wow, soap drama. Then anyway, he went back to his friend’s house, made dinner like he used to, and sat at the dinner table, waiting for his friend to come back. I made three endings for that just to make me feel better >< His friend was a supernatural being, so I made one where his friend did come back, one where his friend came back for revenge and the last where his friend was just, well, dead.

Today, I continued to write my freakishly long story. This story will never see the light, but anyway, I didn’t know writing about how a rape victim cannot resume a normal love life that easily was that depressing. Ugh. Felt so sad writing it. I’ve never met a single rape victim and his/her family members (thankfully), but I can imagine how hard it must be.

Why, oh why, do humans gravitate to the darker side of life…

Luckily, I wrote a crap load of stupid stories that make me laugh, so I guess it balances out in the end. Hahaha.

Youtube Recommended Me

...some Yaoi show called "Boku wo konomama kaeranai episode 2 of 3".

Yeah, yeah, why ever I was recommended that but anyway, I watched it since I was curious.

...HAHAHAHA wtf?! One of the gays is asked to go back to Singapore to live with his mother!! Of all places...SINGAPORE?!?!?

Anyway, it sure gets complicated when you think your boyfriend hates you for sleeping with his friend when the truth is, they're the ones with the complicated story.

...

*laughs*

Edit I just watched the whole thing. Here's the synopsis!

Ken is a male prostitute with a broken family background, and Ritsuro is his close friend. Moeko is Ritsuro's girlfriend. Sooo what happens is, Ken hits on Moeko, and Moeko sleeps with Ken. Then Ritsuro finds out and gets angry with both Moeko and Ken (because this is the fourth time Ken has stolen his girlfriend).

Then, in a totally random way, Ritsuro and Ken realise their feelings for each other, and Moeko finds out their relationship in a rather rude way--them kissing on the pedestrian road in the middle of nowhere!

The conclusion, I have no idea what really happened but, it seems that Ken has gone to Singapore, Moeko has cut her hair and wants Ritsuro to suffer the guilt of cheating on her with a guy and Ritsuro goes on with schooling.

Wow, what nerve. She blamed Ritsuro's distance for her own straying and when she finds out that Ritsuro is with Ken, she still want him to suffer the guilt of "sin"! What "sin"?! You asked for it! Go moeru somewhere you biatch!

Ken x Ritsuro, I approve! (If only because Moeko SUCKS!)

By the way, I watched the whole thing, and still cannot decide who's on top and who's passive. -.- (Maybe they decide by scissors-paper-stone.)

Small Talk

Once upon a time, I was in the toilet, when I overheard my colleagues’ conversation.

Colleague 1: You know, sometimes, I think my stomach is bloated and sometimes it’s flat!
Colleague 2: Ah I know. Must be because you ate very full that’s why bloated.

…

My thought process: Why your face so red? Ah I know. Must be because I slapped you!

It is a misconception that I am good at small talk. No. I am far from it. I consider the above example as typical small talk—and it is in no way easy to maintain. I can imagine what the conversation would look like if I were talking to colleague 1.

Colleague 1: You know, sometimes, I think my stomach is bloated and sometimes it’s flat!
Colleague 2: ? Why?
Colleague 1: I don’t know leh. Don’t know is it because I eat too full.
Colleague 2: Oh okay. *thinking* …Duh?
Colleague 1: … *silent* *do business* *exit toilet*

Another common kind of small talk that I fail terribly at looks like this:

Person: The weather sucks.
Me: Why? Raining?
Person: Yah.
Me: (I like rains though…even if I’m stranded outside…)
Person: Cannot even hang clothes out!
Me: It’s nice to sleep in during a rainy day though.
Person: True.
Me: …
Person: …
Me: …
Person: Have you eaten?
Me: Yeah. (Why are you asking me two hours after lunchtime?)
Person: What did you eat?
Me: ?! Erh, Nasi Bryani. You?
Person: U-Mian lor.
Me: Ok.
Person: …
Me: …

…How do people go on and on about bloated stomachs while I die at this type of conversations!?

I only appear good at small talks when the other person discloses a lot of personal info and stories after I post questions! The “who, what, when, why, how” are very good questions that can probe an entire thesis worth of stories out man. Hahaha.

Well, I kinda get the point that people engage in small talk; because the whole point of it is to have a conversation to erh, connect.

But I’m raised in an environment where conversation takes place in order to exchange information and get a point across, not so much to ‘connect’. Plus, my mother is very introverted, so her kind of conversation usually focuses on exploring one topic, rather than jumping topics and touching the surface of all of them.

I was also, somehow, raised with the idea that conversations are either like stories or based on a question-and-answer format, so small talk, which rarely raises or answers questions, has very little appeal to me.

So, coming back to the very original point of why I even wrote this out is that I’m both freaked out and intrigued by how people engage in pointless small talk. I’m still wondering if they have a certain technique they use to talk such obviously superficial conversation but still look comfortable with it. I’m not kidding when I say I feel a lot of stress thinking what to say for small talks but I’m very at ease writing this entire post.

It’s…it’s just weird how people walk into the toilet talking about bloated stomachs and walk out like they’ve just discovered that the sun rises from the east. Or was it the west? Oh fag. I forgot. Hahaha.

Nightmare

Last night, I had a nightmare. D:

I’d forgotten what dream it was. This morning, Liz said she finally had better sleep than the last two nights because she was actually sleeping and not drifting in between. As for me, I told her I probably slept more than the last two days, but I had a feeling it was a bad dream.

This is totally random, but thinking about what my colleagues just said about how maybe the leak of confidential governmental documents would spark a war reminded me of my dream!

I don’t remember what the start of the dream was, but I think I was in a building. It was either my office, or my school. Now that I think about it, maybe I was in an office building with my schoolmates o_o

Whatever it was, we received news and messages about how our area had been seized by a terrorist group, and that our building was going to be demolished. Some of us were skeptical, some started to panic, and the rest were just unsure and staring at one another.

Then someone asked a critical question, “Are we able to get out?”

Someone else answered, “Oh my god. I heard that the terrorist is going to capture us—every single one of us.”

Right after that, I saw a very huge drill looking thing far outside the window. D:

The drill aimed towards our building and made a super huge hole out of our building!! The ceiling started collapsing and there was debris falling all over the place! People started to run in a panic! Some jumped out of the window, some tried to avoid the drill and all that…

This part was kinda horrifying. I remember some people shouting that there was no way they were gonna be held captive and that they heard some people managed to escape the grip of the terrorists, so they were gonna escape and scatter in all different directions. Most of us had already got out of the building and were watching others still trying to get out while the drill reduced the building to nothing ><. Then we heard that some of those who tried to run were killed, so the rest who didn’t try to run were trying to warn the ones intending to run.

Then we turned to look… One of the terrorists spotted someone trying to run and without hearing him out, just shot his head.

D:

Wow. All of the rest of us survivors of the collapsing building gathered around with the terrorists surrounding us. We still heard some gunfire and people screaming to their deaths…

Then the next thing I knew, I was in a building where everyone was held in. I don’t remember what we were doing inside, but I kinda had the idea that we couldn’t get out. I think there were still people planning to get out though.

One thought that was kinda vivid throughout the whole ordeal though, was:

“This can’t be happening to me, right? And if it IS happening…I’ll come out okay in the end…right? I won’t be that lucky guy who gets shot without a chance to explain right?”

Then I woke up realising that I forgot to turn on my handphone alarm and I was late for work. Hahahaha.

Still, food for thought though. Through my dream, I realised my first reaction to crisis is denial and senseless hoping. D: Following that is a ‘wait-and-see’ attitude. Hmmm. Interesting.

I wonder what it would be like in reality. …Not that I want it to happen. @_@