Dying Wish Granted

NOTE Because I forgot to send myself, these posts are supposed to be backdated. So yeah.

Date: 6-12-2010

I have come across three topics that I feel like meshing into one post, but for drama and impact purposes, I will split them into different posts, and post on different times. Mwahaha.

Now.

I don’t remember the exact words.

I read something on the Newpaper headline, and I know I shouldn’t laugh, but the headline went like this:

DYING WISH GRANTED—Dying man gets sent to casino via ambulance

…

Oh wow, imagine standing in front of the drink store and laughing to yourself over something as morbid as that. What a hardcore person—gambling to the death, literally.

Here’s the imagined script for the scenario:

WARNING

IF you cannot take morbid humor, do not read on and call me a heartless being!

/WARNING

Ambulance Stretcher Man (I don’t know what they’re called; hereby coined as ASM): UNCLE! Don’t die!
Gambler: I…I don’t have much time left…
ASM: Hang on! We’ll bring you to the hospital!
Gambler: No… It’s too late. My legs are numb… My bum is starting to feel numb…
ASM: NO!
Gambler: Please… Won’t you grant a dying man one last wish?
ASM: Yes, anything we can do to help you!
Gambler: Bring me…to the casino…
ASM: *stuns* *wakes up* OKAY! EVERYONE! TO THE CASINO!
Ambulance Crew: OUH! SOUCHOU!
*Entire crew rushes to the casino and even foots the hundred-dollar entrance bill*
*Dying gambler puts his hand on the jackpot button*
Gambler: …*weeps*
ASM: What happened? Are you hurting?!
Gambler: No… I’m just very touched… I miss the smell of the jackpot machine…
ASM: OMG LOOK! YOU STRUCK THE JACKPOT!!!
Gambler: *coughs* ASM…
ASM: Yes uncle?!
Gambler: …Actually…

Wah si lim peh…

ASM: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

-End drama-

Now. In no way do I have intentions to make fun of the dying man. I do not know the circumstance surrounding his death. I repeat for the thousandth time, that I know nothing about the whole story. I couldn’t even be bothered to spend 70 cents (or has it risen to 75 cents) just so I could do a research on his story. It could be far more severe than I thought.

But the thought of a man who would rather go to the casino than the hospital as a dying wish—now that’s pretty unusual. He sounds like he had accepted and gotten over the fact that he was dying and that all he wanted to do was to see what he liked one last time.

So, not much point pretending that it’s so dirt serious now is there? Sounds very much like some funerals that have ice cream parties and happy songs played just so nobody feels sad about their parting…or rather, departing.

NOW! Let’s distract ourselves, and imagine our own dying wishes!

While walking to the toilet just now, I thought of something.

Do you think NASA will approve if I drafted this to them?

Dear NASA

When I’m dying, I would like to get on one of your rockets on testing, and have you launch it into the stratosphere. I would like it to malfunction at the moment I draw my last breath, so that I die with an explosion in the middle of the cosmos.

My thanks to you would be in the form of a small-boxed headline at the corner of the front page of Newpaper.

Yours sincerely
Death-by-rocket-explosion fan

Then Newpaper’s headline:

DYING WISH GRANTED—Dying nameless peasant explodes in space on a NASA rocket

Beat that, you fellow peasants. Mehahaha.