Funny Facts

Funny Facts Generator

James Cameron wanted Ashin to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.



Don't you just loveee these things...

Ashin will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Ashin has 72... and they're all poisonous.

There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Ashin.

Ashin stared evil in the face, and it backed down.

Ashin's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Ashin.

Ashin wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.

Ashin is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

Giraffes were created when Ashin uppercutted a horse.

For Spring Break '07, Ashin drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.

Ashin doesn't believe in Germany.

The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Ashin's left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his soul.

While urinating, Ashin is easily capable of welding titanium.

Ashin doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Ashin's theme song.

Ashin can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Ashin.

The only sure things are Death and Taxes�and when Ashin goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.

On his birthday, Ashin randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Ashin doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Ashin a giant meteor.

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Ashin.

Ashin has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

Ashin can tie his shoes with his feet.

Ashin's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.

The active ingredient in Red Bull is Ashin's sweat.

Ashin has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

When Ashin does push-ups, he does not push himself up. He pushes the Earth down.

The Bible was originally titled "Ashin and Friends"

Ashin drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Ashin.

Ashin was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.

Ashin doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

Ashin was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Noah was the only man notified before Ashin relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.

Ashin is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Ashin didn't kill you in your sleep.

According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Ashin created God by snapping his fingers

Ashin is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

Mr. T pities the fool. Ashin rips the fool's head off.

Ashin once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Ashin.

When Ashin sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Ashin has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Ashin does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.

Ashin once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Ashin can hold his breathe for nine years.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Ashin allows to live.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Ashin once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Ashin died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Ashin was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.

Ashin cannot predict the future; the future just better do what Ashin says.

Ashin eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Ashin walks.

Ashin doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Ashin throws down!

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Ashin would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

Ashin can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.

Ashin actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.

Ashin can judge a book by its cover.

Ashin can drown a fish.

The saddest moment for children is not when they learn Santa Claus isn't real, it's when they learns Ashin is.

Ashin was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Ashin's fist.

Ashin eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Ashin.

Ashin uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

If you spell Ashin in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Ashin never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Ashin. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Ashin.

Ashin enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.

Ashin always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Ashin finds it delicious.

When you say "no one's perfect", Ashin takes this as a personal insult.

Ashin can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Ashin does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Ashin."

Ashin qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

Ashin was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."

Ashin can split the atom. With his bare hands.

When Ashin breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.

Ashin doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Ashin's warm-up exercises.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Ashin can stretch diamonds back into coal.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Ashin. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

When Ashin plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Ashin in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

Ashin sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Ashin doesnt wear a watch, He decides what time it is.

Ashin once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

Ashin visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso on Earth".

Ashin invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.

Ashin's credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.

Ashin just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.

Ashin was once charged with attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the chargesbecause Ashin does not "attempt" murder.

Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Ashin. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.

There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Ashin.

When God said, "let there be light", Ashin said, "say 'please'."

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Ashin.

Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Ashin with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Ashin cannot be in two places at the same time.

Ashin and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Ashin doesn't like Fudge Ripple.

Ashin does not sleep. He waits.

Ashin uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.

When Ashin goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

When you play Monopoly with Ashin, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

Ashin once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly was because they knew Ashin was coming.

Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Ashin heads outside and brands his cattle.

Ashin's first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

Ashin doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Ashin needs toothpicks.

No matter what your mother always said, Ashin can tune a fish.

After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Ashin with a handshake. The rest is history.

Ashin doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

The Ashin military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Ashin could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

Ashin built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.

There�s an order to the universe: space, time, Ashin.... Just kidding, Ashin is first.

Ashin can speak braille.

Most people fear the Reaper. Ashin considers him "a promising Rookie".

Ashin doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Ashin.

When Ashin wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

Ashin destroyed the periodic table, because Ashin only recognizes the element of surprise.

Ashin once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

If Ashin wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Ashin says its beef, then it's beef.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Ashin out. It failed miserably.

Not everyone that Ashin is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.

In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Ashin is the stuntman for every character.

Ashin can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Staring at Ashin for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.

Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Ashin wanted his nickname back.

When Ashin falls in water, Ashin doesn't get wet. Water gets Ashin.

Ashin's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Ashin trick-or-treated as himself as a child.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Ashin and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Ashin will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Ashin is not only a noun, but a verb.

Ashin describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".

Ashin drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

Ashin brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

Ashin invented the internet� just so he had a place to store his porn.

There are no races, only countries of people Ashin has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Ashin is worth 1 billion words.

Ashin got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

Ashin brushes his teeth with barbed wire.

Ashin cannot love, he can only not kill.

Ashin once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.

Ashin is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Ashin.

Earth's emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is Ashin.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Ashin could use to kill you, including the room itself.

182,000 Americans die from Ashin-related accidents every year.

Ashin can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

Ashin is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.

Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Ashinaurus.

When Ashin sneeze, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE!!!". That's what happens next.

When Ashin spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame

Ashin puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

Ashin once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour.

Ashin can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Ashin to kill you...Fourty seven times.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Ashin.

Ashin eats lightning and farts thunder.

Ashin's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Ashin will not take shit from anyone.

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Ashin, 3. Cancer

When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that he is going to ask Ashin for help.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Ashin. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

During the Vietnam War, Ashin allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.

Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Ashin is looking for it.

Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Ashin touches turns up dead.

Ashin let the dogs out.

On the SAT if you put Ashin for every answer you will score over 8000

Ashin invented the question mark.

Ashin can sneeze with his eyes open.

Guns don't kill people. Ashin kills People.

Ashin does know what Willis is talking about!

Mr. T once defeated Ashin in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Ashin invented racism.

For undercover police work, Ashin pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

Thousands of years ago Ashin came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Ashin. Not to be outdone, Ashin invented the car accident.

It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Ashin can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

Ashin is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.

There are no such things as tornados. Ashin just hates trailer parks.

TNT was originally developed by Ashin to cure indigestion.

Ashin uses a night light. Not because Ashin is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Ashin.

Ashin never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Ashin is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

Ashin can delete the Recycling Bin.

As an infant, Ashin's parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Ashin because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Ashin' autobiography.

Scotty in Star Trek often says �Ye cannae change the laws of physics.� This is untrue. Ashin can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

Ashin can slam revolving doors.

Ashin CAN believe it's not butter.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Ashin can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

Ashin doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

When Ashin is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get above the horizon.

Some people say that Ashin is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.

Ashin once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Divide Ashin by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Ashin, because Ashin killed that man.

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Ashin will find you and kill you.

Ashin keeps his ID on the bottom of his right foot. Nobody ever asks him for his ID.

When Ashin gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

When Ashin calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Ashin is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Ashin is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.

Ashin is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Ashin is on.

Ashin counted to infinity - twice.

Ashin's sweat has burned holes in concrete.

Ashin did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.

Bullets dodge Ashin.

Ashin doesn�t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

Ashin is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Ashin does not swim. This is because when Ashin enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Ashin simply walks across the pool floor.

What many people dont know is Ashin is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.

If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Ashin hears it. Ashin can hear everything. Ashin can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.

The First rule of Ashin is: you do not talk about Ashin.

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Ashin while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Ashin needed a back scratcher.

Ashin beat the Sun in a staring contest.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Ashin"

The speed of light was instituted because Ashin didn't want get winded outrunning it. Ashin hates to sweat.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Ashin.

Q: How many Ashin's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Ashin prefers to kill in the dark.

Ashin once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

What was going through the minds of all of Ashin's victims before they died? His shoe.

Police label anyone attacking Ashin as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Ashin.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Ashin bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

Ashin doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.

As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Ashin."

In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Ashin was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

There is no such thing as global warming. Ashin was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Ashin once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

When Ashin was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.

Ashin doesn't chew gum. Ashin chews tin foil.

That's not Ashin doing push-ups -- that's Ashin moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.

Ashin doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Ashin gets too hot.

Ashin likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.

Ashin proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

The 11th commandment is �Thou shalt not piss off Ashin� This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.

When Ashin talks, everybody listens. And dies.

Ashin has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Ashin played in second grade.

Ashin invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Ashin doesn't believe in magic.

The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Ashin. This amuses Ashin because he is bulletproof.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Ashin.

Ashin recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Ashin will beat his ass and take it.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Ashin's PC will crash.

Never look a gift Ashin in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.

In an emergency, Ashin can be used as a floatation device.

The truth will set you free. Unless Ashin has you, in which case, forget it buddy!

Ashin can get Blackjack with just one card.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Ashin has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Ashin got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Ashin for every answer.

They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Ashin killed the cat. Every single one of them.

Ashin once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Ashin re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Ashin is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.

There is no Control button on Ashin's computer. Ashin is always in control.

Ashin does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.

Ashin doesn't go hunting.... Ashin goes killing.

Ashin doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets out of the way.

In a tagteam match, Ashin was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.

Ashin ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Love does not hurt. Ashin does.

'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Ashin. After a workout, Ashin rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.

Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Ashin asks for a body bag.

Ashin eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

Ashin doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

Ashin doesn't open a can of whoopass. He makes his own.

For most people, home is where the heart is. For Ashin, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.

Ashin can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Ashin once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.

Ashin once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Ashin can throw Brett Favre even further.

Ashin once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

One time, Ashin accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.

The chief export of Ashin is Pain.

Ashin puts the laughter in manslaughter.

For every person Mother Nature kills, Ashin kills five.

Ashin used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Ashin � dies.

Ashin can build a snowman out of rain.

President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Ashin carried his the same distance in half the time.

The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Ashin, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Ashin turned that wine into beer.

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Ashin.

Ashin has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

Ashin CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand.