yamada taroooo!

oh!! i finally remembered what i wanted to blog about. last night i had a pretty ridiculous dream. i am currently watching yamada taro monogatari 贫穷贵公子 drama. last night i watched epi 9. so, i dream about it.

i dreamt that Nagahara was going to a research plantation or what by train. yamada was still thinking whether or not to go for college, and thus followed Nagahara behind. Nagahara booked his seat in the special class while Yamada didn't. so he was rejected, but was directed to a third class cabin where he had to pay a plastic bag (literally -_-) to get a seat inside. and the weird thing is Ikegami was behind (i was in her perspective) following Yamada. and when Ikegami got in the same cabin as Yamada, she couldn't find him. she sat down somewhere, but a staff member noticed that she looked lost, and thus offered to help her. in the end she did find Yamada but realised she didn't know what to say about why she was there as well. in the end in odd defence she said, "i was just wondering why you're going comic land too!! hahaha..."

erh. anyway i don't know which part of the dream, i dreamt that i was with my sec school ex-classmates and we were marching around a hawker centre buying food. oh my gawd. i was cheated. i paid $5 to eat a less than 2cm x 2cm x 3mm big piece of fish meat that was filled with bones. oh God. even in my dream i felt hungry. i had so much difficulty eating the damned fish. then we started to march around again and there were four sand bag mochis following behind me. then i realised that some were inflicted with poison, some with mini status and some with...i can't remember. i started to "equip" them with Bloat status, curing silence, curing poison and equippin lots of weight into each mochi. wtf. i suspect it's a combination of final fantasy, dj max classquai (the dumb seedlings jumping around everywhere) and xenogears. wah lao.

ok, i am so looking forward to my next dream. because my dreams never make sense, i almost always have something to blog about them.

has it ever occurred to you??

that actually i'm quite a serious person??? bet you can't tell. hahhh. or maybe you can. one plus point for you because you are KEEN! a-cute. SHREWD??? lol ignore the drama.

these are feedback i get on a daily basis...

1. eat more! you are so thin.
2. are you damn rich to be able to slack at home and not go find work?
3. see lah, somebody so relaxed, not like the rest of us, slog like hell. give me your money leh.
4. oh my, wake up early! you're still in bed at 11+?? how are you going to adapt to your job in future??

ok, since i'm damn bored, lemme give feedback to each point hahhh.

1. do you know when i eat more the only body part that bloats up is my stomach? due to my wonderful constitution, parts that should grow bigger don't and parts that shouldn't are threatening to burst. should i pull up my shirt for you to see? :D (do not worry. some parts that are supposed to be big are so small, you'd mistake me for a man.)

2. no i am obviously not rich. my dreams are to create a gokart amusement park, create a studio to rent out to bands, build an orphanage, and own an entire estate to myself. erhhh. actually those are nonsense LOL. anyway, i am not rich, but i'm not a huge spender either. who told you i'm slacking? i'm absorbing creativity from the games i'm playing everyday! take it or leave it. hahhh.

3. you know, this is something i cannot understand leh. to put it nicely, i would say, "to each his own." to put it more slap-you-in-the-face, it's just... what has your life got to do with me??? is it a sinful thing to be at home when the whole world is working its ass to feed their babies suffering from famine?? also cannot understand why people are telling me they are not getting their pay while i am getting my pay. erhhh? once again, what has your life got to do with me!?

4. the other side of the world is sleeping. i am merely adjusting to their time. lol no lah. ehh. i have been waking up at 12+ months ago. but i miraculously got up at 8.30am every morning ever since work started and i work at 9.30am. so, i am pretty confident i will whip myself awake when work starts.

you know, initially it's quite funny to get phone calls everyday to have free reminders about how i should be running my life. maybe it's time for me to find a target to nag at?? for the first 3 days it's quite funny. for the next 3 weeks, it's NOT! ok it didn't go on for 3 weeks; just for word play purposes. but to get calls every other day just to be told what to do about my life. i appreciate the concern and i sense a lack of better topic to discuss, but erh... would you like me to preach about Buddha or Jesus to you everyday? (it's a bit out of point)

do you sense my seriousness??

and off topic again. i am quite amused at times about the topic of my build. while i acknowledge i have the body of an androgenous alien, i don't quite appreciate the humor of asking me to drink more soyabean milk or to eat more papaya. or worse, to ask me to massage my God given camel back. if you'd like to know a bit more of a graphic detail, yah sometimes it feels itchy but other than that, i would very much like to leave it alone. the thought of affectionately asking it to grow is enough to summon my breakfast-to-dinner out from my mouth. and i am at an honest loss whether to feel fortunate or not to have others commenting that while i have a mini camel back in front, i have two watermelons as cushion. ok that's a bit of an exaggeration but i'm quite disturbed at the fact that those assets are wonderfully huge despite my skinny overall. now would someone like to advise how to make it smaller so i don't look like a baboon??

at the bottomline... i'd deeply appreciate having a little bit more of acceptance. but in the end, i guess i have no defence against well meaning comments so i shall continue to train my immunity and filtering systems.

i had considered putting this under my sad blog, but decided that what the hell, i think in due time i'd start laughing about this anyway, so it's officially under my sunny side.

contradictions and mothers go hand in hand

don't you think people are super weird? they tell you that "live like no tomorrow" and then tell you, "plan for tomorrow!"

while i understand the principle (i think) behind each phrase, it's still pretty funny when placed together. it reminds me of this:

"Fuck you lah, don't be so vulgar can??"
or
slapping a person and saying, "don't be so violent can??"

LOL.

and my mother's the Queen of Contradictions.

she'd come in at 12am, look at liz and me eat a bowl of fruits, a couple of snacks and drink fruit juice, and she'd say, "don't eat so much at night!" (note that she supplied the fruits and juice) only to follow up with, "you all wanna eat instant noodles?"

she preaches that we must eat only about 70% full, but she stuffs us with 120% amount of food, and accuses us of wastage when we don't eat. when we question her 'motives' for providing so much food, her response is, "i scared you all hungry mah." i'd like to see how hungry i can get when i'm eating my own portion of food and eating half of hers when she can't finish her own (and she accuses me of wasting her food!!).

aren't mothers and contradictions lovely. woohoo!

exciting job choices

when i was young, i griped at how my life was full of strange excitements, varying between good to bad experiences, with bad experiences taking up the majority. or at least at that moment, i thought they were bad. then as years passed, i started to actually gripe that my life was not exciting enough, and at one point, i actually worried that my life would become boring.

but by now i should've guessed; my life will never boring because what you seek you will get LOL. i realise that when i pick a job, i tend to pick those that are either problematic, lacking in manpower, new, strange, needing a revamp or something of the likes. in the past, my jobs left me devastated. now, the same few jobs that i felt devastated about actually give me reasons to laugh about my life.

i graduated from a design course, was in a design job for a while before i ended up going to a trophy shop and next to a fuel management company. and now a logistics company, due to a new project, is lacking manpower. i applied to that company before, but i guess my eagerness not to be employed was pretty obvious LOL. i can tell you a contributing reason why i was not employed previously. during the interview, i asked this question, "how do i go about resigning if i want to?" <-- HAHAHHA smart ass question. and now i'm more interested because they are lacking manpower. (i finally realise what makes me tick hahaha) and all the while, all the 3 companies i worked at are all strangely in industrial parks and car servicing centres. what da heck?

i was retyping my resume today. typing resume has never been more fun. my job says Sales Coordinator but you see things like designing web brochure, or a designer that handles sales inquiries (or even packing trophies). LOL. super random. i wanted to put in distributing flyers but my sis told me to shut up about it and stop putting in random things. (her comment: "imagine you saw a resume and this person writes that he does everything under the sun except the job he is allocated, what would you think??") for the objective, i wanted to put "to help the company tide over during the shortage of manpower" but my sis whacked me and said put "application for position in NE." LOL. what sia.

now i know what i want out of my resume--a history of funny jobs LOL.

puzzle quest is a funny game

flood! flood!!! famine!!!! i'm hungry!!!!!

i'm playing Puzzle Quest on PSP. it's a game in Japanese, but luckily the dialogue is friggin anime so it's not too difficult for me to at least get the basics right. this game is damn farnie. quite qian bian. this is the story in my own imagination as far as i remember:

Main character, Christofu. no serious, i don't know why the jap katagana wrote kuristofu . i dunno if it was supposed to be Christopher but it really looked like Christofu. He works for Queen Gwendolyn. And the Queen say what he do what. it begins here...

Queen: Christofu! Go and meet your father.
Tofu: Ok! Understood.

Father: Son! i hand over to you a broken shield and a long sword from my father.
Tofu: Thank you father.

Queen: Christofu! Send this item for me.
Tofu: Ok! Understood.

midway through mission, encounters enemy. kena rob of the item. (i lost the battle. at that time i had no idea how to heal.)

Tofu: Shit! Must find father for help.
Tofu: Father! I lost the letter!
Father: Son! Is ok. The one you were holding is a fake. The real thing already delivered.
Tofu: Really? Good!

Tofu: Queen! I was robbed, but I heard from my Father the real thing is delivered. Very sorry.
Queen: Is ok. Expected. Go north and kill the Undead!
Tofu: Ok! Understood.

kills undead.

Tofu: Queen! I killed the undead.
Queen: Tofu! got more enemies. please kill them.
Tofu: Ok.

kills undead.

Queen: Tofu! There are too many undead. Please go south and find Dark Hunter Sires.
Tofu: Ok! Understood.

Tofu: are you sires?
Sires: yah. what you want.
Tofu: Help me kill undead in the north!
Sires: before i help you you must help me. i going fight magician.
Tofu: You strong right. Fight yourself lah.
Sires: He got subordinate zombie, how you expect me two against one?
Tofu: Ok lor. Help already must help back ok.
Sires: Ok.

Tofu: ok can we go north now?
Sires: no cannot.
Tofu: huh why???
Sires: Still got something to settle. you must help me.
Tofu: What sia!!!!

Tofu: ok. Settle already. Can we go now.
Sires: no cannot.
Tofu: Knn why cannot??? you cheating me issit??
Sires: No really. this time i will follow you.

Tofu: can we go north finally.
Sires: yes can.
Tofu: woohoo!

Queen: ok, you help me go another country see the king and ask him help our country.
Tofu: Ok! Understood.

Tofu: Let me pass! i want talk to king about important message.
Guard: No cannot. you look like random civilian. get lost!
Tofu: But is very important!!
Guard: Go away if not i catch you throw into prison! SHOO!

Tofu: no! i must perservere. *sneaks through backdoor and fights with huge rat*

King: I thought you were a thief, coming from the back door.
Tofu: I have very important message, sorry.
King: Ok. Your country's knights super weird.
Tofu: Really sorry. the message super important.
King: Ok. what is it?
Tofu: My Queen want to know if your country can join forces with us to kill undead.
King: Huh! Let me consider. Meantime can you come in through the front door, i will let the guard know.

Tofu: I am back.
King: That was fast!
Tofu: So can you help us?
King: I haven't decide yet. Meantime can you help me kill monster.
Tofu: Why you cannot ask your own people is it.
King: Your country men strong mah.
Tofu: But why me?
King: Please lah, help lah.
Tofu: Fine. Anyway if i don't help you also won't answer me.

Tofu: I kill already. So will you help us?
King: Haven't decide yet. Can you escort my daughter to the (dunno what, forgot) Duke?
Tofu: Why your people cannot?
King: Because my daughter will pull all kinds of stunts. Your country knights can resist temptation mah.
Tofu: Huh. Ok.

Tofu: I am here to escort you to the Duke.
Girl: Please i pay you 1000G take me to your country! Or 2000G also can!
Tofu: Wah. Your father know you very well. Sorry, rejected.
Girl: Whyyy? Consider! Please please. If i marry that man my life is finished!
Tofu: Hmm. 2000G...

Tofu: Ok, we are here.
Girl: Are you serious??? how can you allow this to happen? how can you forcefully marry me to a man i don't love???
Tofu: Because the peace between two countries is more important than your individual happiness.
Girl: wah laoo!!! how can a man like you exist!! get lost i dun want see you anymore!!!

Tofu: Ok, i escorted your daughter.
King: I knew i could rely on you!
Tofu: So you will be helping us.
King: No.
Tofu: ???!!! you ask me do so many things now you say no????
King: Because i dun wanna get involved, sorry. those two things are two different matters.
Tofu: wah lao... ok.

Tofu: Queen. He say no. Sorry.
Queen: No is ok. What did he say?
Tofu: He say dun want get involved. He make me do so many chores then say no.
Queen: Oh, expected. He's litat one. Ok can you go east and find the dwarves to get them to help.
Tofu: Ok understood.

...i've gone beyond this but the rest of the game remains pretty much as spastic and qian bian as this. wah lao!!! hahahaha! makes me laugh lor!!

I BELIEVED IT EXISTED

ok chocolate baby told me her blog is at http://yohello.blogspot.com and i believed her LOR. some more when i added her on my bloglist the name blairwitchproject came out and i wondered when she started watching anime lah!!! chou egg shell #*&#(*&...

message through dreams

i've always had a history of odd dreams. some of them were very memorable; i dreamt that i was dragon ball Trunks and a guy was peeking at me while i relieved myself, and i dreamt of Iraqi soldiers who captured me to pray to Jesus and they built toilets with toiletbowls miraculously stuck onto the door. i also dreamt that the great wall of china is at Japan. the most gruesome dream i had was that i crapped on a fake toilet bowl in the living room. er xin.

last night i dreamt that my Indian ex-colleague let her baby run free around the dirty beach. i was horrified. the baby seemed to want to walk around and accidentally drown in the dirty sea. i gave a call to her, and asked, "Lala (name censored)?? how come your child is here at East Coast Park??" she didn't seem to realise that her baby was missing and said that it's highly probable that the baby walked out of the house on his own and walked all the way to the beach. i can understand that if your house is at East Coast Park but i went on to confirm, "...your house is at Bukit Batok right?" she went "yah..." ...how in the worlds can the baby be walking from there to ECP???!! and she can remain clueless that her child was missing for 24hrs???

then, there was a bit of a halftime in my dream where i went to refund my high heel boots and seriously wondered when i started buying branded female boots -.-|||

then i was back at ECP with my flute section. this is obviously fiction.

huizhen was telling ghost stories lah!!!

the rest of us were listening and she was making references to previous stories about gruesome murders that she told us. wah seriously. i really felt scared in my dreams and prayed that zombies wouldn't start walking out of the beach. i think it was at night and while she was talking about ghosts and murders, a bolster floated out of the sea -__-|||????

when i woke up, i started questioning myself. why the heck did i dream of that.

so, i think it's cuz manning recently scolded me for not doing the flute t-shirt and chalet is coming and if i don't get it done, i dunno what will happen to me hahahahahahaha

and so, now i'm doing it ok???? don't pester me even in my sleep!!!

ff7 fanfiction

if you know me personally you'll know i spend most of my time playing games and i can spend lots of time talking to audiences who are not even listening about games simply because i am fascinated with some of the games i play.

i wrote this perhaps a year ago, this trilogy for final fantasy 7 in hokkien. quite vulgar, but it's something i'm glad i wrote. lol.

Final Fantasy VII: Singlish Version

Part 1: Final Boss
Part 2: Five Years Ago
Part 3: Five Years Ago (after saving game)

btw i propose creating a term called crapfiction or foefiction. there are loads of them all over the net hah.

(note that i am Cantonese thus my Hokken is randomly hamtam-ed. btw i also know nothing much about Cantonese. hahhh.)

seven hundred lady and nippon-ya

Seven Hundred Lady

yesterday i went to People's Park with my mother and my sis (liz). we were looking for Quan Qi Dao therapeutic massage centre. my mother being the smart producer of two aliens said she saw the shop name on tv but didn't bother to remember where it was since she reckoned we'll miraculously find it. ok we travelled around 2 friggin blocks before we decided to approach the information counter (which strangely resembled the security post). turns out it was outside the buildings and not inside -_- liz heard one of the guys say, "wah another one asking ah." that popular? anyway liz pointed out something very funny about the shop. it wrote "Normal Tui-Na". erhhh.

that was the long detour to my main content. after liz was done with her foot massage, she seemed quite annoyed with something and started recounting.

Liz: Wah lao there was this woman who was sitting somewhere in the room. I couldn't see her because of a paper partition. She sounded like an auntie though. Her mouth damn jian (cheap/filthy/lowly), out of 10 lines, 10 lines are vulgarity, some more is cheeb*e! Wah lao, fricking noisy.
Me: What she talk about?
Liz: I think she was talking to a person on the phone about something lah. And some more she tell the person on the line, "Girl must talk nicely and more refined if not guys won't like you!" Look who's talking??
Me: She slap herself upside down?
Liz: Yah lah! Wah then I pity the masseur man. This siao charbo then switched on music from her phone. It was quite noisy so the masseur told her in a rather courteous tone, "Could you please switch off your phone?" Her reaction was to start hurling vulgarity, nonstop throughout the session, and going on and on and making even more noise lah!
Me: Hahaha. Then what the masseur say?
Liz: I didn't hear her say anything other than that lor.

well, in a rather perverse way my mind was rather stimulated. there are a lot of responses i was seriously contemplating if i were the masseur.

#1: Do you realise your foot is in my hands?
#2: Please switch on your music if it switches off your mouth.
#3: Do you want me to massage your cheeb*e?

liz was particularly disturbed at the fact that she kept saying "cheeb*e". just for a little bit of logical explanation, i think she likes saying cheeb*e not because it sounds pretty crunchy, but because it has a rather close affinity to her sex.

we thereby denounce her as the Seven Hundred Lady, or in Mandarin, Qi Bai Nu Lang (literal translation of 700 hundred lady.) 700 March to Cheeb*e!

(p.s. the term Seven Hundred came from a very lame pun. there's this artiste called Wu Bai and someone was mimicking Wu Bai. My mother lamely said she is Liu Bai (Six Hundred) and I said I'm Qi Bai (Seven Hundred).)

Nippon-ya

you might or might not know, there's a nippon-ya at Central Clarke Quay basement. a month ago i went there to shop for presents, and somehow ended up spending enough to get a membership (or VIP they call it) card. so, the 3 overly enthusiastic shop attendants told me they would either mail it to me or call me when it's ready for collection.

well, what do you know, that was 27th September, and I received a call about the card just about 10days or less ago. i nearly forgot about it actually. and the best part was they expected me to make a trip down all the way to their one and only outlet in the entire of Singapore to collect that prestigious card. this precious as gold card was so important i had to be personally there to be endowed this gift.

when i got there, i faced 3 enthusiastic (in an oddly laid back way) shop attendants who were different faces from previously. i asked for my membership card, and promptly gave them my ezlink card because i didn't want to have another case of name distortion. (i've had people insisting my name was Lennerd despite my repeated attempts at correctin them. i have no idea if it has anything to do with my voice.)

the first thing that i noticed was super odd. they had alphabets written in markers and stuck onto plastic sheets separately holding the cards. (it's not a those plastic folders for cards--they were really plastic sheets) then the card, the legendary card finally landed in my hands.

now may i boldly point out a couple of oddities in this card:
#1: There were 3 rows: Name/Address/Expiry Date. However there was only one sticker saying My Christian Name and Surname and a date 11.10.09 . my address is not 11.10.09 and I almost thought they put my birthday in the future (i wasn't reading the appropriate rows because it didn't occur to me they were actually answering the rows accordingly).
#2: It says "Privilege Member". pardon me but...Privilege Member?
#3: For some reason when I flipped the card over, the first line I saw was the 4th line, which says, "Lost or damage cards will not be replace." okay, given they took 2 weeks to tell me that the card was finally done, i'm sure they could've taken enough time and care into proofreading...
#4: And the most amazing thing about the card was it was made of art card. ok, I understand that this is the only outlet and maybe it's relatively new, but to save on postage cost and proper membership cards...? now i understand why they couldn't mail it to me. this art card could either fly with the wind or get crushed in the envelope somehow.

ignoring the oddity, i went ahead to purchase an alcoholic drink. imagine my amazement when the shop attendants shyly told me, "i'm sorry, but there are no discounts for alcoholic drinks."

believe me when i said i wasn't appalled or angry or shocked, but i was truly amazed. i have a naturally blur face and i gave a genuine "huh?" look and said, "pardon? no discounts for alcoholic drinks?" they look really apologetic and ready to receive a lecture while i flipped to the back of the card with the terms and conditions. allow me to present to you the conditions:

1. Nippon-ya Members are entitled to 10% discount on purchase of product of above $20 on a single receipt.
2. The member's discount cannot be use on discounted or promotional items.
3. Kindly produce the membership card upon purchase.
4. Lost or damage cards will not be replace
5. Nippon-ya reserves the right to modify the membershp terms and conditions at any time without prior notice.

(note that i have taken great care to mimick everything alphabet for alphabet.)

i stood there for a good 5 seconds staring at the terms and conditions and looked up, with a smile at best i could manage and said, "erm, it's not stated in the conditions. i understand if it's a promotional or discounted item and it cannot be further discounted, but alcoholic drinks? either my understanding is flawed or the conditions aren't clear..."

it was super cool when one of the shop attendants randomly hamtam-ed (whacked) and said, "the discount promotion for alcohol is over..."

like, hi, good morning, you mean apart from being members you had to watch for the discount periods before the discounts worked?? haha. i almost wanted to laugh on the spot.

"ok... whether or not the discount stands i'm still buying this yah." i really wanted to spare them from the embarrassment; i actually felt so sorry for them i'd rather pay more just to save them.

i noticed this shop attendant standing at the back and talking on the phone. suddenly she hung up and said, "the discount is applicable!" and i saved about a dollar or two, i don't remember.

the funniest reputation saving remark the hamtam-er said was, "actually the terms and conditions for the membership is subject to the Management, so yah..." well i gave a knowing look, acknowledged it, left and laughed secretly inside. (well, i understand really, this whole Management thing really means Human Error and it's understandable... it just sounds strangely like an insider joke to me.)

now let me come back to the point about no discounts for alcohol. might i be bold to say that there were almost three entire shelves worth of alcohol and can you imagine how big the shop was? which meant almost 1/3 of the shop was not to be discounted? and i've just visited their website. there was indeed a promotional period where non-members were given 10% and members were given 12%. it might be a misunderstanding but please refer to condition number 2.

still, it's hopeful to see these clueless people working at "singapore's first japanese food boutique". even their website is funny. you can almost see who's behind the screen working on the website... (http://www.nippon-ya.com.sg) i do wonder though, why a shop as big as this has as many as 3 shop attendants. how odd.

at the moment i'm seriously contemplating sending an email to them to provide my two cents how to improve on their company hahaha.

eager birthday boys

one day, my two friends Li Hong and Wei Jie were chatting with me. i don't remember what exactly the topic was, but i think i was talking about buying a psp for my sis for birthday. these two eager bums started telling me their birthdays are coming soon and they want a ps3/wii. (one is april one is july. this is called coming soon?)

then, i dunno how, the topic came to age. "i am not yet 21!" i said. then i realise my birthday was next month. so, i said, "hey. my birthday is coming soon even faster leh. I WANT A PS3 and a WII!"

btw my mother told me a joke she proudly said is lame/cold.

man A said, "to have money and not spend them before you die is tragic."
man B said, "to spend money and not have them before you die is even more tragic."

ok, i see the wind blasting in my face.

The First Bo Liao Post

HELLO!!!

I have always been a habitual blogger, but on an unnatural day, I started the most unnatural act--not blogging. Why? Well, just wanted to see how long I can last before I finally feel the itch to blog again :D

Then I realise--what a waste. How can I not record all the little funny things that go on in my life?? No matter how small or unimportant, as long as it's funny, it's worth recording!

And so, let's see how long before I can get back into the habit of blogging. Nyaaahahahahaha.