Don't understand.

I don't understand why I should get off the computer/game for a week and stay at home for a full week to do nothing.

It hasn't happened, but my mother said, "I think you'll die if you don't touch the computer/game for a full week. You are addicted."

Bullshit--we went to Japan for two weeks and I certainly didn't die. Well granted I brought my PSP, but I spent most of the time sleeping or watching Jap TV that the PSP's influence wasn't all that great.

Well if others can stay at home to do nothing but sleep, lie around or watch tv, I don't see how my computer activity/gaming is any different from those.

And EVEN if I wanted to do something else, aka write stories, it's still done via the computer anyway. If I'm not using the computer...wow I'd be doing something sooooo constructive, like...sleeping? Drawing terribly ugly pictures? Watching tv? Maybe jog for 10 minutes on the spot before I feel lazy and go back to sleep?

WHAT A GREAT WAY TO SPEND TIME!

PLUS...the people I interact with mostly these days are online. Phones are a hassle. (My HP is dying btw, battery spoilt.)

Well yeah maybe if I spent an hour exercising a day she'd screw me less about this, but really, this is getting old. Stop harping at the addiction thing. I DO NOT go to work trembling and suffering from fits from lack of gaming. I also DO NOT go overseas and jump river because I have no games or computers. I DO NOT try to emulate Left 4 Dead 2 (are you playing?) behaviour and go around chopping people with guitars or trying to snipe that ass who doesn't do his work.

Okay let's review the whole addiction business.

Presumably...you only find joy playing games. You feel depressed not playing games. You play games at work and lie to your colleagues and friends about your gaming activity. You feel that your achievements online are greater than those offline. You cannot stop online activity and you crave for more online time. You neglect family, friends, social activities and you lack physical activities.

Let's clarify a few things. I find equal joy sitting at the coffee shop holding meaningful, interesting or funny conversations...provided they are such. I enjoy writing stories as much as I play games, and I certainly don't feel depressed not playing games. I DON'T play games at work, not even lunch time now. I do recognise my achievements in game are just there, in game.

As for the stopping online time, well, most of the time if I don't stop, there are only two reasons: 1. I want to get something done in game. 2. I'm chatting with friends. You call this a lack of social activity?! (I consider it social!)

As for lack of physical activities, let's just say I was never really a big fan of them ever since my consistent group of people playing badminton, block catching (??!!) and all that stopped gathering. I dislike staring at the tv and following their acrobatic...stuff.

NOW...the neglecting of family, friends and social activities. THIS has more to do with my personality than games. I HAVE always been the weird outcast since I was in primary school even before games existed. I spent and still spend a lot of time in my head. Mind you, my entire secondary school life didn't have games until holidays, and that period of time, I'm not exactly known to care about family or friend affairs either.

On top of all that crap, my personality clashes with the family and they have a harder time understanding me than I can understand them. They have more expectations on me than I have on them. No I don't find it understandable and mutual. You are you and I'm me, so let's leave it at that.

I don't know about the rest, but I don't seek the game for 'euphoric feelings' or to rid myself of 'empty feelings.' (On the contrary, I recently felt emptiness playing games instead of not.) I seek it for mental stimulation, for something to work on, to think about and well, to find friends I can talk kok with. Writing stories is the next thing that draws my attention most, but sometimes I get tired thinking of the next part to write on so I fall back to games to do things.

Well, yeah, maybe I should be spending this amount of time finding a night part time job and breaking myself apart and earning lots of cash... Yeah, that'll do... At least if I'm not spending time with the family, I'm working for money for the future... What a theoretically satisfying thought!

Why am I even blogging about this?

I'm just tired, I guess, for being grossly misunderstood. I don't really see a need to change the things I do just for show. Oh, yeah, and I do apologise for the times when people were at my home and I started using the computer instead of playing PS2 like I should be, or bringing my laptop to people's house... I do that for two reasons... 1. I happen to have a rare friend online. 2. Too many people, so do my own thing lor. It's based on the wrong assumption that everyone is probably enjoying everyone's company regardless what they're doing individually...but being the extremely dense ass that I am, that's probably not a good thing to assume.

Let's just say, I find games very mentally engaging and I like it. I don't see how I'm different from people who sit close to 12hrs in front of the tv, and I don't see a reason to be discriminated as such. And I absolutely hate walking 8hrs outdoor aimlessly (NO destination, NO agenda, and worse, SHOPPING WITH NO MONEY OR PLAN), essentially wasting my time--I certainly think playing games is a better use of time. Personally. And... Period.