i was wrong...

there IS a card that costs more than 50,000PTS... and it's TEN TIMES THAT AMOUNT!!! i spent half a million on a Dark Loan card T__T sai. if i get it through random card packs, i uh... actually i dunno what i'd say or do lah.

i ate a medicine for itchy outburst and i felt like sleeping the whole day. smart me.

sigh. this year is only halfway through. i feel like this year is bloody boring. cosfest is coming, natsu matsuri is coming, but i feel like it's another passing year. am i just growing old? am i finally going to wither?? and rot and die??? ...

that aside, i have no idea where to go after september. my contract ends september, just so you know. and by then, we would have two allies going up to Shaolin Temple and training up to defend our country. and i'm aiming to quit everything and live a secluded life by 30yrs old. i have no idea how i'm going to achieve that.

this is my grand plan for 30yrs old --> save up enough for investment by 30yrs, spend only a few hundred dollars per month, make money generate money through investment, then live a life of a troll--coming out only to hunt for food (description taken from a senior). i quite fancy that life actually. and in fact, my uncle is living that very life now. he's selling collar pins, he is his own boss, he watches tv everyday and only comes out when we summon him or when he's out buying toto.

he's an atheist--does not believe in Gods or ghosts for that matter. but i have no idea why he believes in luck, fate and destiny. ah well. humans are contradictory.

some people tell me years fly by quickly. oh yes? i feel like i've struggled to finally get past 21yrs mark, and i can't wait for this lifetime to pass. whether people remember you or not, you'd have passed this life anyways, no? hmm. should we live a short and exciting life, or a long and boring life? or should we live a long and exciting life, or a short and boring life? before i was 21, i was waiting for 21yrs old to come and somehow i had this very vivid idea that i was going to drop dead because by 21 i'd be super old. but now that i've leveled up to 21, i began to accept reality that life doesn't stop at 21. and now i suddenly feel that level 60-80 is going to take damn long to reach. sigh, so much work to survive till then.

ahhh. if one day someone invented this machine where you don't have to stay awake to be alive...i'd want to live in it :D you know the manga houshin engi? one of the sennin lives in this life support sleeping capsule...i want it...!

and in my next lifetime, i want to be born a definitive woman or man... no more of this not-so-unique identity of an androgynous nonsense...! sigh... as a no man no woman, you either get labeled as an unattractive woman or a butch, or a half assed she-man or something like that. y'know? like not left not right no straight?? sigh~. if i were a definitive woman, then at least i can dance nobody like somebody, or a gee like a true blue korean lady. hah. and if i'm a man, i want to walk around the house half naked.

and i want my astrological sign to be something like libra, gemini or aquarius. hahhh all the air air one. finally sian of being water element.

oh and if i were born a man in my next life, i want to stay up the mountains and train and blast "ki" energy out of my palms. :D it's difficult, but i'd be too accustomed to that life to bother if it's difficult.

meantime, i have this life to think about it. =/ so, what to do with it? i have one life, about maybe hundreds of thousands of hours left to make some money to achieve my troll dream. sigh~ what to do. not sure what to do leh.

maybe i should experiment starving myself to death in modern singapore, where i have a mother who fears famine???

hmm...

sigh~ it's only may. going june. ahh~

actually, i'm half torn by what i read about chinese horoscope. it says, rabbit chan, no can change job this year! i was like, "scorn scoff pfft whatever" but now i find myself stuck in a job because mom is making lots of noise if i dare to make drastic moves -__- i'm 21. so, i should stop listening to momma?? hmm. the other truth is, i want to finish up what i was tasked to do at the current job before i wave goodbye. so i'm giving myself until sep too. that would be a new record...10 full mths at a job for the first time. i mean, woah, i actually committed 10 mths. that is un precedented.

chinese horoscope also says, rabbit chan, if you don't die kotoshi (this year), rainen and rairainen (whatever next next year is), you will eat lots of carrot. oh, i hope it's true.

by the way, don't lend things to men. one of the men ever told me before, "amongst us men, we lend/borrow things and never return." i'm beginning to think it's true. and money is one of them items. so, dudes and dudettes, no lend things ok. i have nothing against men. you might be one of those men who return things on time. but a couple of them have destroyed my faith in people returning items altogether.

that aside, anyone wanna commission me to draw? :D greeting cards or whatsoever. for friends only. lol. and i draw only simple things.

i am in dire need of sleep and money. but i'm too much of a sloth to do anything.

maybe one day Buddha will *zap* appear at my door step and decide to whip my life into shape? hmm...

k, enough whining. i probably should go back to story writing soon. sigh. sigh sigh sigh yaya!

Listening to: Utada Hikaru - Travelling
Watching: Dragon Ball Z (Majin Buu Saga)
Playing: Budokai 3, Mga2