I must be tired

So many heart string pulling parts in "Going Home" (Channel U 8 - 9pm).

Iriana Halim seems like a very interesting introvert who lives primarily in her own world. I'd like to see introverts making insightful comments and observations and discovering their inner selves.

The one part that I felt rather emotional about was her talking about her Chinese teacher Ding Zhongfu who gave her a...calligraphy note? And a teddy bear before she immigrated to another country (I forgot which). Now that she's revisiting her old school, she realised it was too late for her to express her gratitude because he'd already passed away.

Perhaps I'm just tired in general, but thoughts like this are a norm to me... Thoughts about when and how people would be leaving you. Sometimes it's an indifferent curiosity, sometimes it causes so much anxiety it pains me.

Each year, I feel like I'm getting closer to the crux of the issue. Yet at the same time, I feel like each year, I'm closer to the end of this lifetime.

By rights, I should live till about the average lifespan of 60~80+... But sometimes, I feel like the end is far, or maybe just sooner than we all expect it to be.

I'm not suicidal if you're wondering...

Just that...I think while we're still alive...more of us need to learn contented living. If we're contented now...we die contented. The thought of forever chasing a happier life because right now society doesn't approve you and then accidentally dying discontented...

...I think I should put all that in my private fic. Haha.