multiple updates

i'd wanted to forego update again, but after i saw baato-san's spams on my tagboard, i decided... well, time for lots of updates! :DDD with headers to boot some more. LOL. (all backlog entries hahaha.)

My Unsaveable Anatomy

one week before work started, i was bathing. i mean i bathe everyday (i think...LOL) but that's not the point.

i looked down.

then i went to tell my mother.

"mama, i have grown...fatter."

she o.o!!! and said, "you must go to work...keep busy and you will be skinnier!"

ok.

1 week after work had started, i was bathing.

i looked down.

then i went to ask Liz.

"do you think i'm fat?" *pinches fat*

"...you're not fat. you're just flabby."

on either a monday or tuesday, i went to work. i caught sight of my two managers' tummies.

oh no. teletubbies.

what is going to happen to me man.

My Jacket

for some strange reason, anyone who sees my jacket will inevitably make a face and say, "har?? Boyzone??"

while i haven't gone down to wiki-ing for boyzone, it remains a mystery to me... why that reaction?? it is some forgotten boy band of the past?? or do they bare their arses during concerts?? it's like mentioning F4?

while i usually don't care much for my dress sense (i have been called everything from cleaner to construction worker to just plain uncle or auntie), this is finally getting quite disconcerting to me. have i been wearing an F equivalent jacket all over the place?!

(but i don't intend to change jackets anytime soon. i have been wearing this since i think sec 1. it's 8yrs worth of sentiments man...and smell. LOL)

My Colleagues

so much for office environment. even the managers are spewing all kinds of weird hokkien all over the place in presence of the Japanese. everyday it is a must to listen to "kanina chibuaiz xiao simi lan" <-- my colleague, not my managers. LOL. (but all were said during office hours in their presence.)

so, i don't actually know my colleague much. i only know they like to jisiao Liz. and because i seem quite similar to her, i have to start getting used to being teased on a daily basis. good God.

there's this colleague who sits beside me. he is seriously...weird man. our company practises the 5S policy (shine, sustain, sort, something and something), and he is the reverse of everything. work starts at 9, he comes in 10.30am. everyone's tables are so neat, his is a heap of trash. he spews the most vulgarity and he makes the most noise. every once in a while he must make noise. (...) so, here are some stupidities i encounter with him.

Me: D (manager), is there anything else for me to do?
D: ...Hey L, what you want her to do?
L: you ask me what now i also don't know.
D: ?? you make so much noise about shortage of manpower, now she come you say don't know?
L: got lah, calculations lor...
D: then get her to do lah.
L: must teach again, so mah fan.
D: OF COURSE must teach lah, who come already know how to do everything???

...

anyway so, he was trying to teach me and i was scribbling some of his words down. finally he commented that i was damn irritating for writing and not listening. i told him it's a thing about me that he should just ignore; i really do all sorts of things while listening. unfortunately i'm better at doing something and then banging into things and asking questions later. LOL.

actually, the bigger reason while i was writing and ignoring him was cuz he started to talk to himself.

L: currently we're using HPAP, but soon it will all be HPGP.... eh? is it implemented already? or next month? HPAP is HPGP..? when was it mentioned huh? then how to calculate? ... WEH are you listening??
Me: you talking to me or yourself???

then after teaching me all sorts of nonsense calculation, i told him, "ok, i'm going home liao."

L: what??? then i teach you for what??? tomorrow you'll ask again lor!??
Me: tml morning when you not in i start calculating lah!!
L: ... ok lor

i ended up asking a lot of questions and he finally said, "ni hen fan leh!!! (you very bothersome leh!!!)" LOL.

then i calculated and reported a lot of mistakes to L.

the following day, L took leave (to go sentosa. wtf?).

finally, i consulted another colleague, KP, because no matter how i calculated, there were far too many mistakes. and KP finally mentored me properly (he's quite a good mentor...LOL he was the one who fixed my mistake for the mass mistake HAHAH).

and almost all my miscalculations disappeared.

... you know, KP has only been working here for a couple of months. L has been working for 2+ or 3 years, and he taught me wrongly. ...

and i did notice that L occasionally asks KP questions.

finally, this conversation took place.

Me: KP, how long has he been working here?
KP: he? about 2+yrs, 3yrs?
Me: you a few months right?
KP: yah, why?
(L turns around cuz he hears that we're talking about him.)
Me: ...how come he's asking you things and not the other way round?

KP burst out laughing and L froze.
then L stared for 3 seconds
before he stiffly turned around and started to reply emails. LOL

then, i was done with the calculations. i started to bug L all over again for things to do (cuz his table has a pile of documents which i automatically assumed was work). finally he buey tahan my irritating questionings and passed me Damage Reports to do.

part of the reason why i wanted to do them was cuz they were crossing over to my table and he had intentions of piling more at my space. the upper management of Japanese already came down to take photo of his table (he was absent at the moment and they shook head at his cosy corner while taking evidence of violations of 5a**). i didn't want to risk being accused of violations.

so, i started to dig into the Damage Reports.

yesterday, i put up posters of the 5S Campaign and 90degrees Campaign cuz it was on L's desk and he claimed he wanted to make some space (i wonder how putting two A2 posters up can save space). i auspiciously put it behind him and another manager (jokingly) said, "5S and your table is like that?? tml morning i will see your table cleaned!!"

i might have misinterpreted, but i thought L told me to clean up by tml morning (which is today).

having completed all the Damage Reports at hand and knowing that there were more hidden ones on his desk, i took the liberty to sort his table this morning. wah liao. i discovered something as old as March crap and May invoices. and i found a couple of damage reports so i left them on my desk.

suddenly, at 9.20am, L appeared?!

L: *rushes over* wah lao why you make my table messier??
Me: excuse me? make messier?!
L: now i don't know where my things are!!
Me: you already didn't know even before this...
L: you know i came especially earlier cuz i was worried something like this was gonna happen... you kpoh freak!!! didn't i tell you not to touch my table!!
Me: huh? i thought the manager wants to see your table cleaned? so i clean lor...
L: i told you NOT to touch mahh!!
Me: huh is it? ... : D???
L: ... *turns to liz* actually i wanted to scold her. but i see her like that, all my mood to scold has disappeared.
Liz: LOL

see me like what?? moron is it??

man. i should've taken the before and after photo. then you will understand why today i felt a great sense of achievement.

amazingly, near day end, L suddenly decided to clear up his table. i was like : DDDD all the way and he was annoyed, "wah lao. see me clear things so happy. kanina..."

and when i pointed to ask, "what's that???"

he swatted me off and said, "wah lao you don't need to know lah! when it's time i will let you know! pack finish this one ok?? wah lao sibei curious man, kpoh until wanna die! (literal translation)"

despite clearing i swear 1000pcs of paper, and him saying, "i feel like i have just been rebirth-ed!" his table is amazingly still a warground. i don't know how he does it.

and he said, "LUCKILY tml morning you not coming. HAH."

LOL i then dun wanna come. wanna sleep. already become rich ass cuz cannot wake up for 2 times this week. or what? forgot.

just a random addition before i close this post, i was in the lift with Liz yesterday with a random person in the same block. she kept staring at me and i wondered if there was something spastic in my face. and she finally uttered,

"are you guys twins?"

wah liew, i said no. then before she reached her level i quickly added, "who's older??"

she thought for a while, "erhh her? *points at Liz*"

YAY ONE POINT ONE LOVE ONE KISS FOR YOU

now, currently, the ratio to the number of people who say Liz is older to i am older is 1 : 9

then i added a byebye when she got off. LOL.

next time i will post my childhood photo. then you see for yourself whether we look alike anot. we may have looked alike in the past but DEFINITELY NOT NOW. go away! :D (??)